Really struggling with pet death

[weardogbride]

Maybe it's pregnancy hormones but im really struggling with Zeus's passing Friday. He had been vomiting for over a month and after multiple vet visits was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. It took a week for the vet to actually call us with results and get us the meds. Despite the vomiting, he seemed pretty much healthy. Two weeks after starting the meds, he started vomiting blood. I took him back to the vet and he said it was probably an irritated stomach or esophagus from vomiting so much and gave us anti nausea meds.

We brought him home, continued all of meds and he stopped vomiting. Two days later he really wouldn't eat, so I called the vet and specifically asked if loss of appetite was a symptom of any of his meds. They assured me that no, it wasn't and told me I could pick up more anti nausea meds.

He passed away at home the next day.

I don't know why I am doing this to myself, but I just googled side effects of the drugs he was on, and one of the major side effects is renal failure. It seems like he had a classic case and he probably could have been helped. Ugh I'm absolutely sick. Why didn't I google earlier?? And why did our dumb ass vet (he's been a pain throughout this saga) not insist on blood work Monday or when I called later in the week?

Zeus was old and I know he had CHF so his prognosis wasn't good anyway, but he could have had more time. I'm so sad and feel like I failed.

I just had to get this out because DH told me to stop torturing myself and doesn't want to hear it. (He's pretty devastated too).

[lime]

I'm so sorry.

You did absolutely everything that you could.

[Jalapeñomel]

I'm so sorry your lost your dog. There is nothing you can do now, so quit torturing yourself by googling. So many hugs to you.

[mrsjrd23]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your dog. You have every right to grieve for as long as you need to. Take care of yourself.

[mskitkat]

*hugs* I get you. My Delilah was a few weeks overdue for her shots when she suddenly passed away. I tortured myself for months that had I taken her to the vet, maybe he would have caught the problem in time to save her.

In the end, you did absolutely everything you could. Honestly. We all know Dr Google can provide any sort of answer you are looking for, and you chose to trust your vet. That was not in any way a bad choice. Zeus passed away surrounded by love at home.

[isabel]

First, I know it won't make a difference, but don't beat yourself up over this.

We had to put our dog down in April last year. He had a cough starting in November of the previous year. It was diagnosed as kennel cough, got a little better, then worse again. We went back and forth with the vet for two months and he was eventually diagnosed (by a different vet) with advanced lung cancer in early February. We obviously got a couple more months with him, but I felt so incredibly guilty for not figuring it out sooner. I was so angry with our vet and with myself for not seeking out better answers and further testing.

Now that it's been almost a year, I still question what I could have done to help him and keep him around a bit longer. But I also have a better perspective on the situation and I know I did everything I possibly could for him given the knowledge I had at the time. I never talked about it with DH until recently because I felt so fucking guilty that I couldn't even verbalize it. I felt like an awful person.

I miss my dog like you wouldn't believe. I still cry about him. But it's gotten easier with each day, and now I smile when I think about him more than I cry. You will get through this. You did everything you could for him. He knew he was loved and cared for. He wasn't scared.

All I can offer is so many hugs. Please PM me if you need to talk. It's so incredibly hard to go through this.

[kirra]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

This is not your fault. You did everything right. You really did. You took him to the vet, you called and asked questions about side effects, you gave him his medicine. Sometimes even when we do things right, it doesn't turn out well.

[ZoeHart]

((Hugs))
I'm so sorry! Don't beat yourself up, you did everything for him that you should have and I'm sure he felt loved.

[zoidberg]

I went through something similar when I lost my beloved dog to cancer a few years ago. I beat myself up for everything from not noticing that something was wrong sooner to taking her to the regular (small town, kind of crappy) vet at first instead of immediately going to the specialist. Why didn't I? What if I had? Did they mess up her surgery? Would that 2 weeks have made a difference? What if? What if? What if?

We lost another dog this fall to some kind of brain cancer. In retrospect, I should have had him put to sleep the first day he showed symptoms, but at the time I was desperately clinging to hope that we could do something. So we waited almost 2 weeks trying a couple of treatments. In the end it was for nothing and I felt horribly guilty that I waited. But you know what? If we had let him go immediately I would have been torturing myself with thoughts of "what if we could have done something??"

No matter what choice you make, you feel like this. It's normal. It hurts. You want to punish yourself for his death, but it is just picking at a raw wound. You can't bring him back with your misery. Maybe they could have done something, maybe not. Maybe this would have happened no matter what you did. It is hard not to blame yourself because they are in your care, but you and the vets are all human and you did your best.

[FastHands]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I think what you are feeling is part of the process. Everyone I know who has lost a pet from circumstances other than just old age has questioned if they did everything they could. You are a great dog mom, and you trusted the educated and experienced caregivers. Even if you had googled sooner, you don't know that it was renal failure, or whether it was preventable or treatable given his age and conplications, or if any extra time he could've had would have had any quality in it. Seventeen different paths could have all lead to the same unfortunate end. As hard as it is, try to focus on the fact that his pain is over. Grieve for the loss without blaming yourself -- you know he wouldn't want you to do that. *hugs*

[frannyr]

I am so sorry about your dog, it's always hard. Don't torture yourself, he was ready and you gave him a wonderful life. Think of the good times, not the what ifs. You can't change what has happened. Hang in there!

[Saint Monica]

When you posted the picture of your dog I saw a dog with a happy soul.

((hugs))

[venice2007]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Huge hugs to you.

[weardogbride]

Thank you all so much for your words. I know I don't post much here but it is nice to have this board when I need to get something off my chest! Everything you said really helps. Even though I know he was old, he was the same dog up till the end. I know he didn't have a great prognosis, but you still can't help but wonder what if? And I am mad at myself for trusting the vet. I do think I at least should have taken him for a second opinion wed or thurs, but I guess hindsight is always 20/20. Ugh, I didn't know losing a pet would be so so so hard. We made the decision to put down our corgi last month and it was SO hard making the call, but he was a completely different dog. I guess I had pretty much already mourned his loss before he was gone because he had a slow decline. It's so weird how empty the house feels now. And DS is killing me. My mom came over today and the first thing he said to her was "I only have one dog now."