New teen driver smashed into my car yesturday

[MrsDL]

While I was picking DS up from daycare, 3 miles from my house, after probably logging 1000 miles the previous 2 weeks. She said she just got her license, I was heading out of the parking lot and she backed-up and smashed the back passenger side door in. She was crying about how her car was new (as was mine - actually the first new car we've ever purchased in March) and she hit me on the side where DS's car seat is.

In anycase, I stayed calm because she was crying. However her behvior was pretty shitty, even for a teen. She, at no point asked how were were. The first thing I said to her (calmly) was "did you not see us?" and she yelled "well you could have stopped!" Which is crazy because she hit the back-end of my car - did you expect to drive through my vehicle if I had stopped? I told her it would be OK, the important thing was that everyone was OK, and she replied "I know, it's just so embarassing, all my co-workers probably just saw this." She got on the phone with her parents, and proceeded to ignore me for a few, when finally DS started to melt-down and I had to take him out of his seat and try and juggle him with explaining to his girl what she had to copy down. She GRABBED the pen from my hand, did not ask, wrote down some things, and then said "can't I just keep this" (she was still on the damn phone at this point). She was referring to my driver's license, registration, and insurrance card. Umm - no you can't keep it. I had to show her what papers in the glove-box I needed from her.

I get teens are immature and stupid. I called the number she gave me last night, hoping to speak with her parents, but it was her cell and she answered, so I checked to make sure she got home OK (her whole bumber was hanging on by a thread) and chickened out of talking to them. DH told me to just let it go, let the insurrance deal with it (I snapped pictures which show she was 100% at fault), however I'm still so pissed about her behavior. Her parents might tell me to F off, but I feel like I want to let them know how she behaved. I would want to know if my kid, no matter how inexperienced or immature, was a total douche after an accident he caused. I'm just so pissed and shocked at her blatent disregard for our safety. At that age, I would have been hysterical but if I hit a lady with a baby, I'm positive I would have at least asked if they were OK. What say you PC&E, would you call the parents, or just let it go?

[redheadbaker]

I know I would want to, but I'd probably never have the guts to do it.

I'm so glad you and DS are ok.

[cookiemdough]

I would want to speak to the parents mostly because I would want to talk to an adult about how things would proceed. But to be honest, if I were her parents I would have called you already to make sure everything was okay and you got the information you needed so...maybe they suck.

[ChillyMcFreeze]

I can't believe the parents didn't call you. I'm guessing she's on her parents' insurance, so they had to file the claim. I'm even more appalled that she didn't show any concern for the fact that she came this close to injuring your child. Ditto cookie--maybe the parents suck as much as she does.

[onomatopoeia]

I wonder if she told her parents it was your fault.

I'd want to tell them how she acted, but I probably wouldn't initiate the call (because I'm a wuss). I'd let insurance take care of it. Maybe if they called me I'd say something about how not only was she a douche, but that she also seemed totally logistically unprepared for what to do in the situation (get insurance info, etc). I think it's important for drivers to know how to do that, and so many (even experienced drivers) have no idea. I might word it a bit more nicely than that though, again because I'm a wuss.

[bhnumbers]

I'd want to talk to the parents to make sure they know the basic details of the accident. But I would probably let the behavior thing go because I'd assume that if she's that self-absorbed, she's that way because her parents think she can do no wrong and talking to them about it probably wouldn't do any good.

[dirtyred]

Teens are so self absorbed (and she's probably thinking about how much trouble she's going to be in when her parents find out) that her behavior doesn't surprise me in the least.

Not that I'd be happy about it, but I really wouldn't expect an adult response from one.

[charminglife]

I dont know - accidents are scary, especially for a young driver. You said she was crying - I'm sure she was freaked out about the damage, perhaps about her parents reactions, the cost, etc. I'd let this go, let the insurance company handle it, and when your kid(s) learn to drive be sure to teach them how to react if they get in an accident.

[bhnumbers]

Jul 10, 2012 9:24:17 GMT -5 dirtyred said:

Teens are so self absorbed (and she's probably thinking about how much trouble she's going to be in when her parents find out) that her behavior doesn't surprise me in the least.

Not that I'd be happy about it, but I really wouldn't expect an adult response from one.

I had a fender bender when I was 18 where I rear-ended a lady at a stoplight and she had her toddler in the car with her. There was hardly any damage to either car, just scratches on her bumper and a small dent on mine, but regardless I was mortified. I apologized again and again and kept asking if they were okay--to the point where the lady was like "you have to stop. we're fine, okay?"

I was not some exceptionally mature teen at all, but I knew I'd effed up by not paying attention and hitting her car. I don't think it's too much to expect a teen to at least show some concern for someone other than herself.

[jillboston]

My sister had the exact same scenario occur last summer (without a child in the car). Turns out the princess who rammed her was off to her semester abroad and ignored my sister's phone calls and facebook messages post- accident. When sis called her parents' number they pretended not to know who she was talking about. The insurance company is still chasing her down. I'm sure the liability will be easy to prove given the nature of your accident (her hitting you from behind) but you should always have the police come and get an accident report.

[GailGoldie]

did you call teh police and have a report filled out? I'd be worried she'll try to play it off like it was your fault somehow... and you'll be in for a lot more trouble/PITA crap to deal with her if there isn't a police report.

[Deleted]

I'm so glad no one was hurt!

I'd want to talk to the parents because a) I'd want to make sure I had accurate information etc and b) yes I would let them know how she behaved. Not in a tattle-tale way but maybe more like "she didn't seem to know what to do in an accident" kind of way. I'm sure she was freaked out but the whole "you could have stopped" would have infuriated me.

[Deleted]

Depending where it is, the cops won't do anything if everyone is OK. I back into a car when I was pulling out of B & N by where I work. we called the cops , they showed up, said "is everyone ok? yes? Then we won't file a report unless someone is injured. or the car is totalled"

[mrshandy]

I'm sorry that you guys had to go through that.

I wouldn't really want to scold her to her parents. She's young and stupid. But there are lots of stupid drivers out there that are not teens.

It sounds like she was pretty upset. I had an accident within a few weeks of starting to drive and it definitely shook me to the core. The guy got out of his car and looked at his undamaged metal bumper and said "we're cool." I didn't realize it at the time how lucky I was that everything took place off the record.

I don't really see why you need to talk to someone after an accident (adult or teen driver).

This is a job for your insurance company. Your adjuster will take care of everything. The car seat thing shouldn't be an issue either. Your insurance company will talk to her insurance company and make sure everything is covered including a new car seat.

[shopgirl07]

No I wouldn't call the parents. Your insurance will deal with everything, it's not your job to worry about anything else.

It sounds like you were in a fender bender. Sure, it would have been nice if she had asked if you were ok but she was a scared teenager. I'm sure she was also worried about what her parents would think and if she'd get into trouble.

Several years ago a 60ish year old taxi driver took a left turn and smashed into me and totaled my car. He was 100% at fault and asked why *I* didn't see him and stop in time. So it's not just teenagers who act less than stellar in these circumstances. I didn't try to contact the guy's wife to tell her what a douche her husband was.

It sucks to be in an accident but it happens, you're ok, time to let it go.

[shopgirl07]

Again, I get that accidents are upsetting, but you probably immediately put her on the defensive when you said "did you not see us?" I mean, duh, how would you expect her to answer that question? Of course she didn't see you, I'm sure she didn't want to smash into you just for fun.

[pixy0stix]

Jul 10, 2012 10:32:36 GMT -5 shopgirl07 said:

I mean, duh, how would you expect her to answer that question?

Well now, we know how you would act in an accident.

[pixy0stix]

Jul 10, 2012 9:40:03 GMT -5 jillboston said:

and ignored my sister's phone calls and facebook messages post- accident.

Your sister internet stalked the girl?

[noodleoo]

Jul 10, 2012 9:40:03 GMT -5 jillboston said:

My sister had the exact same scenario occur last summer (without a child in the car). Turns out the princess who rammed her was off to her semester abroad and ignored my sister's phone calls and facebook messages post- accident. When sis called her parents' number they pretended not to know who she was talking about. The insurance company is still chasing her down. I'm sure the liability will be easy to prove given the nature of your accident (her hitting you from behind) but you should always have the police come and get an accident report.

This doesn't always work. I don't know if it is just in MA, but the police won't file a report for a fender bender (the damage has to be over a certain amount or there have to be injuries). I was hit by a woman once who was being very rude and not giving me her info. I flagged down a cop and he refused to get involved. It sucked. She also didn't have insurance, which is not legal in MA and he still wouldn't do anything.

Also, the police usually won't get involved in an accident in a parking lot. It is private property.

At least this is what the lazy cops I have asked have said.

ETA: oops, too late, PP said this already. Sorry!

[gault]

If it's not her insurance, I would call her parents - at least to let them know their payments may be going up soon and to expect a bill. But be matter-of-fact about it, not tattling. It is what it is.

ETA: I saw that she called them right after she hit you guys. If they already know, just wait on the insurance companies to do their job.

[msmerymac]

SBP's fake names are killing me.

So glad you're okay, MrsDL.

I was once in an accident where I was 100% NOT at fault (guy turned left across a few lanes of traffic that was slowed to a crawl, didn't see me moving up the far right lane, I smashed into his passenger side and did $6k worth of damage to my car, even after slamming on my breaks - and he probably had to get 2 doors replaced on his jeep).

I was on my way to work and I was just so shaken up that when we got out of the cars, he asked me if I was okay and I felt like such a loser that I didn't think to ask him first. I said, "Yeah, I'm okay, just a little shaken up... are YOU okay?" Man, that guy was nice. We also had the same insurance company, so it was really easy.

Anyway, knowing that when I was 26/27 and I still was so flustered that I didn't really know what to say at the scene of an accident, I would chalk it up to her being young, nervous, and probably pretty self-involved. The rest of her behavior makes me roll my eyes, but whatever.

I assume you've talked to your insurance company. Will insurance pay for the new car seat? Have they been able to get ahold of her insurance?

[laurenpetro]

if you don't call the cops after an accident, how does the person at fault get a ticket?

[wawa]

Jul 10, 2012 10:49:19 GMT -5 laurenpetro said:

if you don't call the cops after an accident, how does the person at fault get a ticket?

they don't. But cops generally don't issue tickets for parking lot driving. It's not a road.

And not all accidents are caused by ticketable offenses. At least...no tickets have been issued in any of my accidents. Cops were there and filed a report for two of the four (the other two were no damage fender benders). I was found at fault by the insurance company for both of those, but there was no ticket. I wasn't speeding. I didn't ignore a traffic control device. I wasn't driving recklessly. I just suck apparenlty. There's no statute for that. Or the cops just felt really bad for me. One of those two.

[mrshandy]

Jul 10, 2012 10:49:19 GMT -5 laurenpetro said:

if you don't call the cops after an accident, how does the person at fault get a ticket?

They don't, especially if it is in a parking lot.

Most of the time cops are just there to facilitate exchange of insurance info.

DH does this for a living, and usually one of the insurance companies accepts fault after talking to both of the participants in the accident and looking at the pictures, car, accident scene. If you know your client wasn't at fault, then you will make sure that your company doesn't have to pay.

[shopgirl07]

Jul 10, 2012 10:33:58 GMT -5 pixy0stix said:

Jul 10, 2012 10:32:36 GMT -5 shopgirl07 said:

I mean, duh, how would you expect her to answer that question?

Well now, we know how you would act in an accident.

I don't understand your line of thinking here. I've been at fault in a couple of minor fender benders. I got out and apologized. But they were accidents (hence the term). Of course I didn't see the car I backed into because if I had, I would've stopped in time.

My point is that emotions are high after an accident, sometimes people can say or do irrational things. Obviously it would have been nice if this girl had asked if everyone was ok. But she didn't, maybe because she was upset, maybe because she's a jerk. But it was an accident, they happen everyday, it's not the end of the world.

[marie427]

Glad you and your son are you okay, MrsDL.

I'm not really surprised by the girl's behavior since she was freaking out, so I'd just forget it. Let insurance take care of it.

I'm not sure what the deal is with cops and accidents here. I witnessed an accident as a pedestrian where a few teens were in a car and the driver was obviously drunk and swerving all over the place and smashed into a parked car, then drove away. No other drivers were around and I was the only pedestrian around. I called 911 and the cops still never showed up even after I told them, "Uhhhh, there's a car full of teens with a likely drunk driver driving down towards [Busiest boulevard in the borough]," though I did leave my number for the lady whose car they smashed into since she was home and heard the commotion.

And now I have to decide which of SBP's names I will use for my firstborn daughter, should I have one.

[MrsDL]

Jul 10, 2012 9:59:56 GMT -5 asdfjkl said:

Jul 10, 2012 9:23:56 GMT -5 onomatopoeia said:

I wonder if she told her parents it was your fault.

I'd want to tell them how she acted, but I probably wouldn't initiate the call (because I'm a wuss). I'd let insurance take care of it. Maybe if they called me I'd say something about how not only was she a douche, but that she also seemed totally logistically unprepared for what to do in the situation (get insurance info, etc). I think it's important for drivers to know how to do that, and so many (even experienced drivers) have no idea. I might word it a bit more nicely than that though, again because I'm a wuss.

Actually, along this line, the most important phone call you can make right now is probably to your insurance company and you might want to offer to give them a written statement of what happened along with your pictures. I don't want to be alarmist, but I predict within a month, we see a post from you saying that Emmylie is contesting fault.

In my county, the police do not file reports for parking lot accidents where not bodily harm occurs, no vehicle fires, and if both parties stay at the scene. They'll come out to make sure both parties exchange information if you want them to - but we did that.

I would not be surprised at all if her account is not accurate, just based on her statement that I should have stopped while she was pulling out and hitting the back of my car - it was after that I decided to quickly take the pictures before our vehicles were moved (It was directly before the lot exit - so I stopped, took a pic of my car, took a pic of her car, and then had to back-up and pull into a spot on the side of her).

I did call my insurrance company the second I got home and gave my recorded statement, sent them the pics. The rep told me they'll inspect the car set when they look at the car (I'm pretty sure it's fine, I have an SUV so she got more the bottom part of teh vehicle and door), but you know, better safe than sorry so perhaps maybe I should just replace it anyway.

[laurenpetro]

wow, no tickets?

i've been in 3 accidents, none of which were my fault. i was rearended twice and once was an idiot who thought he had the right of way when he didn't. tickets were issued in all 3, all for reckless driving. i know one person who had a parking lot accident for basically the same thing as what happened to the OP and they got a careless driving ticket.

[marie427]

Jul 10, 2012 11:16:38 GMT -5 asdfjkl said:

And now I have to decide which of SBP's names I will use for my firstborn daughter, should I have one.

I'm 99% sure that's a compliment, so thank you.

It was. I guffawed at each one.

[laurenpetro]

Jul 10, 2012 11:17:03 GMT -5 marie427 said:

Jul 10, 2012 11:16:38 GMT -5 asdfjkl said:

And now I have to decide which of SBP's names I will use for my firstborn daughter, should I have one.

I'm 99% sure that's a compliment, so thank you.

It was. I guffawed at each one.

at the very least they make great decoy names so your family will get off your back while you're k/u.