Goddamnit. I have overshare regret.

[cville]

So there's this colleague of mine who is my peer.  She's ambitious as all get out (I have no problems with this, I am too), but nice.  Generally speaking, I don't think I KNOW her, know her, even though we're friendly at work because she has an unpenetrable professional veneer (that I just don't.  LOL).

Okay, so today I realized that edits I'd done by hand for another (third) attorney on Friday night were still on my desk.  DAMNIT.  So I double check them and the document, bring them to her with my apologies for the delay, NBD.  Really, truly, NBD in terms of both the project itself and in terms of my relationship with the third attorney (who was OOT this weekend and not working on the document).

HOWEVER, it's a BFD for me because I've had trouble getting my head back in the game and being fully with it and sharp after returning to work.  It's been 5-6 weeks, and by now after I'd returned from my leave with L I feel like I was full steam ahead no problem.  It's nothing big, I'm trying to handle it, but I HATE not feeling like I'm at my best.  So, I said something about it sort of jokingly to my ambitious peer when she asked if I was okay (I guess I looked down).  She was like "oh, that's unfortunate" and looked all shocked.

I SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE THAT.  I need to project strong confidence.  Especially with someone who never herself admits a weakness in the workplace.  GODDAMNIT.  I hate when I do shit like this.  I'm all blah blah emotions everywhere in moments of weakness instead of shutting up and locking it down.

[Deleted]

All I can think of is Meredith and Cristina on Grey's Anatomy. LOL.

Sorry about your Meredith moment.

[Deleted]

Go easy on yourself.

[Deleted]

And, FWIW, people consider me the Cristina at work.

I am in for a rude awakening myself when I return.

[livinitup]

*Perhaps* you're bring a tad hard on yourself.

[vanillacourage]

Mar 10, 2014 11:17:10 GMT -5 cville said:

I SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE THAT.  I need to project strong confidence.  Especially with someone who never herself admits a weakness in the workplace.  GODDAMNIT.  I hate when I do shit like this.  I'm all blah blah emotions everywhere in moments of weakness instead of shutting up and locking it down.

Turning this back around on you - the strong, confident way to rebound from this is to internally acknowledge that it was a slightly "off" comment, but you can't go back and do it over again so you just have to push forward and do better next time.  Versus beating yourself up about it all day. 

Everyone in my office is off their game today - combination of DST and the Mondays.  I'm sure she's written it off by now. 

[cville]

Mar 10, 2014 11:18:37 GMT -5 @misoangry said:

All I can think of is Meredith and Cristina on Grey's Anatomy. LOL.

Sorry about your Meredith moment.

This is probably not inaccurate.  Except I don't squint as much as Meredith and have never had sex with a coworker.

She might not be thinking about it at all (likely this is true, considering no one cares as much as I do about myself ha ha), but I feel like it's contributing to an overall impression of me as not being able to handle things.  I CAN HANDLE THINGS, OKAY?!!??

[cville]

Mar 10, 2014 11:20:47 GMT -5 livinitup said:

*Perhaps* you're bring a tad hard on yourself.

Dramatic cville is dramatic?


nuggetbrain

[Deleted]

Mar 10, 2014 11:21:52 GMT -5 cville said:

Mar 10, 2014 11:18:37 GMT -5 @misoangry said:

All I can think of is Meredith and Cristina on Grey's Anatomy. LOL.

Sorry about your Meredith moment.

This is probably not inaccurate.  Except I don't squint as much as Meredith and have never had sex with a coworker.

She might not be thinking about it at all (likely this is true, considering no one cares as much as I do about myself ha ha), but I feel like it's contributing to an overall impression of me as not being able to handle things.  I CAN HANDLE THINGS, OKAY?!!??

Is she senior to you?  And, if so, by how much?

If not?

PFEH!

[TrickyBob]

On the upside, it's not like a co-worker caught you singing Frozen songs or anything .






I'm sorry it happened but I doubt she'll dwell on it too much and it will be a distant memory.

[cville]

She is not senior to me. She just acts like it in terms of having her "professional" veneer/shit together.


What's funny is that the Frozen thing didn't worry me at all. First, I'm way senior to that guy. But also that people perceive me to, I don't know, be fun or lively or have interests outside of work? Fine. That people think I can't handle work itself, ARGH/GAH/DIE/BLAH/YUCK/WAHHHHH.

[cville]

Mar 10, 2014 11:19:42 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

Yuck, sorry.

I couldn't handle working somewhere like that.

You mean inside my head?  Because I think that's 90% of this "problem".

[missyny]

Spray some Fabreeze up in there! {YOUR HEAD}

Seriously, ceev...waaaayyy too hard on your badself. You're awesome. Looking down and being human for a tiny sec is ok. Ox

[janegold]

I've decided that I no longer wish to expend the mental energy worrying about what other people at work think of me unless they are senior to me. Of course, I want to be a reliable colleague but I don't really care if peers think I am or am not ambitious, what they think when I take time off, or if I can't work over a weekend. It's just too draining, especially in an inherently competitive environment like a big firm.

[Deleted]

Mar 10, 2014 11:26:17 GMT -5 cville said:

She is not senior to me. She just acts like it in terms of having her "professional" veneer/shit together.

Then.

KOKO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[leeann]

You're fine - don't dwell on what may have been a two second lapse in judgment. You're human, so is she. I am all for being stoic and professional at work, but I don't think what you describe warrants a second thought.

[thebreakfastclub]

Hopefully you will be in the bathroom one day when she rushes in with a case of diarrhea.

Then your work relationship will be back on a level playing field.

[angelaa73]

What part is overshare? Looking down at the ground? Clue me in here

[sonrisa]

Ugh. She probably looked shocked because you have it together so your admission came out of left field.

(She also might be contemplating kids. Your admission, despite your otherwise cool and calm demeanor, may have been a wake up call about reality. Or not. But it might have been more about where she is than where you are.)

[Deleted]

I could never ever work in an environment like that. I have my shit barely together by a freaking string... sometimes.

I applaud your togetherness in general. Your coworker sounds like a real asshole. Even the most polished person realizes that they can drop the veneer for a second to console ( she could have said " it's unfortunate that you feel that way, maybe your being a tad harsh on yourself". She seriously could have given you a " chin up buttercup" without being unprofessional.

[miniroller]

Of Course she's going to have this reaction!!! Maybe even subconsciously, overreacting to any & every error you (& really any co-worker) make allows her to feel better about her job performance/ security. Extremely shallow & very pathetic, but so very, very true
Didn't rd replies, sorry if this has been prev stated.

[Deleted]

I am the Queen of not keeping a professional veneer. Seriously. I will complain about being hung over, tired, exhausted from a workout, whatever. I do not feel this has been a professional hindrance. I actually think people who are uptight all the time cause the senior attorneys not to trust them. I have even heard that as a critique "X looks like he is playing a lawyer, and has no real personality." So I don't think this is a big deal. If she tells anyone she'll look manipulative. The mistake is the issue, not the response, and if the mistake is NBD then this is NBD.

[cville]

Mar 10, 2014 12:22:57 GMT -5 elle said:

I am the Queen of not keeping a professional veneer. Seriously. I will complain about being hung over, tired, exhausted from a workout, whatever. I do not feel this has been a professional hindrance. I actually think people who are uptight all the time cause the senior attorneys not to trust them. I have even heard that as a critique "X looks like he is playing a lawyer, and has no real personality." So I don't think this is a big deal. If she tells anyone she'll look manipulative. The mistake is the issue, not the response, and if the mistake is NBD then this is NBD.

Usually I don't worry about it so much.  I'm all in a kerfuffle internally about getting back into it (work/the game/life/my prepregnancy pants) after maternity leave.  I think I may be overreacting to everything as a result.  Just a tad.

angelaa73--the part where I allowed my internal monologue to escape out of my mouth.  Ha.