Would you accept this gift?

[sonrisa]

An $18K initiation fee to join the local swim, tennis, health club. Given by your mother who already belongs. You would still pay the monthly fees. Absent the ridiculous initiation fee you would already belong. The town is small and you don't sail (that is the other outdoorsy organization option). This would be a place for working out, classes, play dates, etc. However, that price isn't affordable and not something you'd prioritize even if the cash fell in your lap. Your loves to take her granddaughter there and intends this more for the kids than the parents. This is by far the most lavish gift ever offered by your parents (outside of raising you and contributing $ to both undergrad and wedding). Other gifts (birthday, christmas) have been in the $10-150 range.

Discuss.

ETA: She wants us to join her club. If we say no, it isn't like she's going to turn around and hand us cash. Not $18, let alone $18K. Whether we accept or not, she'll still call and suggest we go with her on a regular basis. Which has it's own complications. 

[FastHands]

If my parents were the type that was a member of such a club and so could likely afford it without issue, I probably would, yes. Assuming I would be spendign time with her there at least some of that time, not just going for my own enjoyment. That would make me feel like she's at least getting something out of the deal.

[sonrisa]

Mar 11, 2014 11:27:01 GMT -5 toledo said:

No.
I could use $18K for other things, though.

The gift isn't the money. She wants us to join her club and would pay for that. But the amount of the gift seems really, really high to accept to me. 

[VillainV]

Holy shit, $18K initiation fee? No. No way.

[ECB]

If I really, really, really wanted to belong to the club, maybe. But - there are so many other things that I'd want $18k for. Like a new roof for my house!

Of course, if the only way I was "getting" that money was through the initiation fee, then again, maybe.

I just don't know if I'd want to belong to a club like that. Because I feel like if I can't afford that fee, there is a lot of other stuff I won't be able to afford that the other members can afford. If that makes sense.

[DotAndBuzz]

How's the dynamic with the mother? Would it be something that was hung over your head, and you're constantly reminded of? What if you didn't go as often as was deemed "worth it?" How long would you have to be members before it would be ok to quit without it being seen as wasting her money?

I ask because we have family that have offered extremely generous gifts, that we have turned down, because of all the strings and unspoken conditions attached.

It is was a true gift, no strings/judgement attached (within reason), I'd be tempted to accept it.

[melodramatic26]

No. Put that $18k in a college fund and take your granddaughter to the park and pool. That's insane.

[Kit]

How much are the monthly fees?

[sonrisa]

Mar 11, 2014 11:27:55 GMT -5 jillianashley6 said:

Holy shit. Almost 20K for a swim club? PLUS a monthly expense? Jesus.

No. I'd turn it down because what happens- if for whatever reason- you can no longer afford the monthly payments? Do they just lose that $18K? I'd be freaked about making that a priority FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. And what if you moved?

See, you are thinking like me. She thinks it might be refundable when you leave (I don't know but don't think so. I think she's confusing it with another organization). It wasn't this expensive two decades ago when they joined. Maybe a few hundred at most then. 

[poopedydoop]

If I wanted to belong to the club, and if I could easily afford the monthly dues, yes. It makes people feel good to give gifts, and who am I to get in the way of anyone's happiness? lol

[HiC]

How much is the monthly? Is there a clubhouse and a food minimum?

[Deleted]

Sure.  We did this for our country club; my father-in-law gave us his old membership.

I don't even play golf.  LOL.  But I love eating there, and it is a nice place to take my friends.

[DotAndBuzz]

And for that type of club (no golf available?  just swim, exercise, and tennis?), that seems REALLY high. Before I accept anything, I'd definitely clarify the terms of the fee if/when you leave (obviously you'd do this, but yeah). Are there any types of junior memberships available for a lower rate?

[keyslover]

Yes, I would accept the offer. Sure, money could be spent other ways, but the money isn't offered, the club is.
Gifts are what the the giver chooses them to be, not what you may need or want.

[shopgirl07]

Yes, as long as there were no strings attached and Mom could easily afford it.

[Deleted]

Mar 11, 2014 11:31:09 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

Mar 11, 2014 11:27:55 GMT -5 jillianashley6 said:

Holy shit. Almost 20K for a swim club? PLUS a monthly expense? Jesus.

No. I'd turn it down because what happens- if for whatever reason- you can no longer afford the monthly payments? Do they just lose that $18K? I'd be freaked about making that a priority FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. And what if you moved?

See, you are thinking like me. She thinks it might be refundable when you leave (I don't know but don't think so. I think she's confusing it with another organization). It wasn't this expensive two decades ago when they joined. Maybe a few hundred at most then. 

Re this issue:

Should we ever no longer want to be members, we would simply sell the membership to somebody else.

[sonrisa]

Mar 11, 2014 11:31:33 GMT -5 kevin arnold said:

(Kidding. I have no hope of any kind of inheritance, so lol to all of it.)

The funny thing is I don't either. She's a spend thrift and I expect we'll be supporting her someday. She just got a chunk of cash from something and is deciding how she wants to spend it. I can't tell her to save the $ because I already do that, regularly, and she doesn't.

[Deleted]

If the membership was something that I'd enjoy and that would be worth the monthly fees to me, of course. If not, no, I wouldn't want to pay even only the monthly fees for something that isn't worth it to me.

If you say no, you don't get $18,000 to use however you want, right? If so, that would change my answer to "if the membership is worth the $18,000 plus the monthly fees to me," because there would be an opportunity cost to joining. But if you only get the money if you join the club, I don't think that the other things you could do with $18,000 are at all relevant.

[chiclet]

Only if I actually wanted to join the club and planned on going more than once a month. How much are the monthly fees?

[sonrisa]

Mar 11, 2014 11:35:02 GMT -5 @misoangry said:

Mar 11, 2014 11:31:09 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

See, you are thinking like me. She thinks it might be refundable when you leave (I don't know but don't think so. I think she's confusing it with another organization). It wasn't this expensive two decades ago when they joined. Maybe a few hundred at most then. 

Re this issue:

Should we ever no longer want to be members, we would simply sell the membership to somebody else.

That's the thing. I don't know if you can sell this membership. If you can, then I feel better about accepting the gift because we can sell and give her back the $ (or use it to pay her expenses down the line). 

[Deleted]

And.

Even misotiny has already enjoyed the club.  Tee hee hee.

[onomatopoeia]

It sounds like mom is considering this an investment in everyone's quality of life, if you (and your kids) can really use it for all those things you mentioned and the other options in town are limited. I would accept it, if you can easily afford the monthly fees and you know mom isn't putting her own financial security at risk by paying it.

Crap though, that is a lot of money.

[hereigo]

If we could afford the monthly fees, yep.

[Deleted]

YES GOD YES.


If I could swing the monthly fees.


I worked at country clubs in college and the swim/workout/golf/boat amentities are to die for.


I told H I want to join one one day and it's only like 25k a year to belong. LOLOLOLOLOL.




ETA: And now I am embarrassed because many of you seem to belong and don't think 25k a year is much to spend....LOL

[Deleted]

Mar 11, 2014 11:37:51 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

Mar 11, 2014 11:35:02 GMT -5 @misoangry said:

Re this issue:

Should we ever no longer want to be members, we would simply sell the membership to somebody else.

That's the thing. I don't know if you can sell the membership. If you can, then I feel better about accepting the gift because we can sell and give her back the $ (or use it to pay her expenses down the line). 

You should find out the answer to this question before making your decision.

For us, it was a no-brainer because my husband grew up playing at this club.  He already knew and loved the course, and old-timers still remember his playing there when he was a kid.

[sonrisa]

Mar 11, 2014 11:39:38 GMT -5 @misoangry said:

Mar 11, 2014 11:37:51 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

That's the thing. I don't know if you can sell the membership. If you can, then I feel better about accepting the gift because we can sell and give her back the $ (or use it to pay her expenses down the line). 

You should find out the answer to this question before making your decision.

For us, it was a no-brainer because my husband grew up playing at this club.  He already knew and loved the course, and old-timers still remember his playing there when he was a kid.

I plan to. That and the terms of membership (monthly fees, etc.)

[litebright]

In the situation you describe, I probably would. I'd be a bit uncomfortable because damn, that's highway robbery on the club's part -- but if you'd already belong if you could, you can afford the monthly fees, you know she won't save the money and this would be open up more activities for grandma and daughter and your family, and your relationship is positive ... then yes, I would.

[Deleted]

I would totally accept if I could afford the monthly fees.

Growing up, almost all of my friends belonged to the country club in our area. It was the best in the summer, when we could hang out at the pool all day long.

I remember my parents looked into it, but decided not to join because of the dining minimums every month. Plus, we lived on the lake so between the lake and our friends with memberships, we didn't really need our own membership.

I wish our town had something like this. I would totally join in a few years, and get DD into Swim Team, tennis, and golf.

[HiC]

Okay, as long as all the additional monthly fees are not an issue for you guys, accept it and enjoy it. We belong to a club and it's honestly a lot of fun. DD has the time of her life. We are there all the time. Do you like the members at yours? Do you already know people.

[gullterre15]

Mar 11, 2014 11:29:16 GMT -5 ECB said:

If I really, really, really wanted to belong to the club, maybe. But - there are so many other things that I'd want $18k for. Like a new roof for my house!

Of course, if the only way I was "getting" that money was through the initiation fee, then again, maybe.

I just don't know if I'd want to belong to a club like that. Because I feel like if I can't afford that fee, there is a lot of other stuff I won't be able to afford that the other members can afford. If that makes sense.

I am along these lines....like $$$ per plate parties, etc on top of the monthly fees. 

Also, if this were my mom I would be worried about the whole...."but I bought you that membership, you should feel guilty for not doing XYZ."