When is too late to tell work?

[zarapipe]

I am 12 weeks pregnant and don't really want to tell work yet, for a number of reasons. Mainly because I like to keep my personal stuff personal, my history of losses and still being just a bit afraid of it happening again and because my work partner just passed away after battling cancer and I'm afraid my boss will want to fill the position ASAP and I'm not ready to do that yet.

The thing is that everyone else who has ever been pregnant since I started (only 3 in the past 3 years) have told by 12 weeks, if not much earlier. I don't want to wait too long to where my boss feels I have hid something from him purposefully, but don't know when that line starts.

When did you tell?

How long do you think you could have waited without being side eyed?

[anaps28]

I think you should tell when your ready. I don't think he will think your hiding anything from him.

[radical]

I'm 15w and only 2 people know. One is my supervisor but I don't consider him my "boss". I plan on telling everyone else Friday. I say tell them when your ready. There is no certain time they need to know.

[VillainV]

You don't have to tell them by any set time period, but at some point it will become obvious when you're showing and can't hide it anymore. Even if you have complications or sickness that require you to miss some work (with a doctors note) or make you less productive, you don't have to tell your boss that it's due to pregnancy. But at some point you'll want to start discussing your maternity leave.

I also have a history of loss, so I know how hard it is to share news. However, I was required to tell my boss right away (military regulations state that I have to notify my commander within 24 hours of confirmation of a positive pregnancy test), and my job duties had to change right away so many of my coworkers suspect even though I didn't share the news for a while. However, all of them were absolutely ecstatic for me. My boss even told me it was the best news he'd had in a while :-) And if I had had another loss, I'm sure they would have been just as supportive as they were last time.

Having said that, don't tell until you're ready. There's no rush.

[aqualuv]

I told work today, so I'm 16.5 weeks pregnant. My managers said they did not know or notice. I waited this long because I started this job only a month ago.

I say tell when you feel comfortable.

[magdala]

I told at 13 weeks because I had to get out of a work trip. I am high risk (older mom with history of loss). I see my OB weekly to monitor my condition and couldn't do a 2 week trip. My boss wants to know my health more often but has otherwise been very accepting. I have been with the office for over 15 years.

A lot of people will tell as soon as it is reasonably expected to go to term (i.e. 12 weeks). Those of us with a history of loss like to wait because our experience tells us that it might not go to term. The right moment to tell work is when work will need to know. In my case, that was 13 weeks because I could not do a work trip. If the work trip did not coincide with my due date, I would have waited longer (And yes, my office plans things out 6-9 mos in advance).

[mrssandro]

I told my boss last week when I found out that I would have to do weekly appointments. He knew about my recent losses last time and he was very cool and supportive about it. I knew I could trust that he wouldn't make it emotional for me if I had another loss and my secret was safe with him.

Just tell them when you feel comfortable and/or you are showing.

[theatre4life]

My direct boss knows (and knew after the first appointment), because of how we are working out the schedule of my appointments. In the last week, I have told 3 other people, and I still haven't told the rest. (15 people in my "home" office, 100 in my secondary office, 20 in the third office.) I need to tell people sooner rather than later, so they can cover mat-leave before I go out, I just haven't yet. It will affect my secondary office the most, since they are the largest and busiest. I have no idea what my hang up is, but I haven't said anything to those folks yet...

I am definitely in the camp of tell when you are ready.

[starlily]

I told my boss at around 15 weeks. Since this is my 2nd, my belly popped sooner and I knew it was about to be visibly apparent. Also, I was going to start weekly progesterone shots at 16 weeks, which might have required more time off for appointments than normal (I ended up being able to get them during lunch).

While I don't have a history of loss, I do have a history of pre-term labor which might require some additional accommodations at some point, so I wanted my boss to be aware of the possibility.

In my situation, since I know my OB is going to write me off work at 36 weeks, the latest I could have put it off was 4 weeks prior to that in order not to run afoul of our STD policy, which prefers 30 days notice whenever possible.

[gerberdaisy]

I told my boss around 14 weeks only because I was going to be working out of the office for awhile, and didn't want to come back showing before I told anyone. Only a couple of other people in my office know. I don't really want to do an announcement, so I'm kinda hoping that work travels.

I could have waited a bit longer and it wouldn't have mattered. Basically its what you're comfortable with.

[bowies]

I told my managers after a clear NT scan (13w) and my client the week after that. I still haven't notified HR - pure laziness on my part since I don't work in the office. I don't even know who to email.

[Blue Moon]

I told at 12 weeks after the NT scan. I work in a school and the schedule was being made for next year, and I wanted to give my principal lots of notice of my leave since I am due on the first day of school and teach a very specialized class. He told me he had suspected it since I had requested a bunch of personal days for doctor appointments in the beginning.

[pinotgrig]

I told my managers when I got back from my NT scan. I

I would tell when you're ready, though if you wait until you're obviously showing it could get awkward.

[bananapancakes]

I didn't tell until 18 weeks, mostly because I was still really anxious after our previous loss. I say, wait until you're ready.

[curbsideprophet]

First time I told at 16 weeks. I was able to hide it well. No one really knew.

I waited until 16ish weeks this time around as well but did not try as hard to hide it 12/23 weeks. People were suspicious when I finally said something

[chickadee77]

I waited until 19-20 weeks. I also have a loss history.

After checking my work's maternity policy, the only thing they request is 30 days notice to take leave. So, technically, I could have waited a looong time, lol.

My sister had a coworker that was using accrued leave (not FMLA) that waited until two weeks before her due date (apparently she carried *very* small). I don't think I'd choose that route, but there you have it.

[speckledfrog]

I told at 18 weeks.

[FastHands]

I actually told my boss at 6w. It was very early, and I was up front with him that anything could still happen, but I am currently covering 2 people's roles, and we will need a lot of time to figure out how to redistribute those tasks or (more likely) will need to bring in someone new. i wanted to give plenty of time to be involved in the hiring process and to train the new person as well. My job and my coworkers are very important to me, so my main goal was to be sure they weren't left hanging.

So long story short, it is going to be a personal decision based on your work environment, personal history, and lots of other factors. You just have to do what's right for you.

[thatgirl2478]

When is it too late? After the baby is born... sorry I'm being a smart ass here.

I would probably tell sooner than later if they have to rearrange work assignments.

[melsamoony]

I agree with PP's tell when you are ready. I work in a small, tight-knit doctor's office so I told a little on the early side (9 weeks, after first appt). Pretty much everyone already knew because they said I was acting "off."

I am glad I told when I did because I had a little scare at around 11 weeks at work and COMPLETELY lost it (crying baaaad) so it would have become obvious at that point. I was very nervous about telling but it just kinda happened.

[smm5623]

I told at 17w with my first pregnancy. With this one, most people knew at 14w but the situation was different and I missed a day of work, etc. I don't think it's wrong to wait longer. I would tell when you are comfortable.