I need some advice

[nsl]

I'm currently working on my MA in English Literature. I already teach high school English, but want to break into teaching at the community college level after I graduate. In order to be a competitive candidate for those positions I need a resume that combines teaching experience and academic work. I have the former, and am starting to turn my attention to the latter now that I've completed a year of my program and have some good papers under my belt.

Last semester I wrote a paper for a class that went over very well with my professor, an expert in the subspecialty area the class was about. She recommended that I submit a proposal to present it at a major conference this January and offered to help me with revisions if necessary. She believes I have an excellent chance of getting accepted by the conference organizers. At the time I thought I would absolutely do it, particularly since this is a national conference and the only conferences I've presented at so far have been regional. The CFP deadline is August 5.

Here's my dilemma: I work full time during the school year, I have two very young children who I don't see two nights a week as it is between work and class, and the conference is in Boston--we live in Texas. In order to go (and if I apply I need to be able to accept an invitation to present, so the decision about going/not going has to be made before I submit my proposal) I'd need to be out of town for 4 days. Taking the kids really isn't an option, and since the conference is right after New Year's it's not likely that H will be able to take time off.

I really, really want to do this, but I'm having a hard time justifying it given my family obligations. I'm also planning to do a weeklong trip out of the country as part of my program next Spring, which makes leaving them for this conference feel even less right. For my career, applying is a no-brainer, but I'm feeling like a neglectful wife/mother by putting my work first in this instance.

What would MN do in my shoes?

[beans]

I guess it depends- would you really regret not doing it?

I think if it were me, I would absolutely do it, but I'm a pretty career minded person (and feel free to throw my opinion out the window because I have no kids). Being able to present at a conference is a huge deal (obviously you know this). I think that a happy mom = happy kids. My mom still to this day has regret about not doing what she wanted with her life because of having kids, and to be honest my siblings and I pick it up as her being really resentful about us and blames us kids for her not following her dreams. I don't ever want my kids to feel like that and I don't want to put myself in that position. Also- being gone for four days will not cause your kids lasting damage.

I vote if you can work it out with childcare, and the only thing holding you back is guilt, I'd go.

[YellowRose]

I would apply, and then go upon acceptance. Making 2 OOT trips over the course of how many years does not make you a neglectful wife/mother. IMHO, it is important to your self-identity, and future career.

Plus, I always look at OOT trips as an opportunity for DH to see a) how hard it can be to manage the kids/house/job/etc without help, and (more importantly) b) gives the kids and DH some awesome bonding time. They get to do things without my (albeit unintentional)intrusiveness

[meltoine]

I'm looking at lots of situations like this over the next few years in my new career path, so I totally understand where you're coming from. That said, you should go.

Four days away to further your career does not make you a bad wife or mother. It has absolutely no bearing on either of those things. If your husband had to go away for four days, would that make him a bad father?

[Deleted]

Jul 11, 2012 12:10:35 GMT -5 meltoine said:

I'm looking at lots of situations like this over the next few years in my new career path, so I totally understand where you're coming from. That said, you should go.

Four days away to further your career does not make you a bad wife or mother. It has absolutely no bearing on either of those things. If your husband had to go away for four days, would that make him a bad father?

I like your last point a lot. Four days is a drop in the bucket.

[nsl]

Jul 11, 2012 12:22:10 GMT -5 @lemonlover33 said:

Jul 11, 2012 12:10:35 GMT -5 meltoine said:

I'm looking at lots of situations like this over the next few years in my new career path, so I totally understand where you're coming from. That said, you should go.

Four days away to further your career does not make you a bad wife or mother. It has absolutely no bearing on either of those things. If your husband had to go away for four days, would that make him a bad father?

I like your last point a lot. Four days is a drop in the bucket.

Me too. FWIW, H has to do at least this many days at conferences over the course of a regular year, which is something I hadn't even considered earlier.

Thanks so much for the support and feedback, ladies. I needed to hear it.

[amaristella]

^ What they said. Do it!

[audette]

Jul 11, 2012 12:51:05 GMT -5 amaristella said:

^ What they said. Do it!

Yeah. Not sure I can add anything else to what has already been said, but go for it!

[basilosaurus]

Let me get this straight. It's 4 days in 1 year that you'd be gone?

No question. Go for it! Your kids won't care about your absence, but they'll be glad they have a professionally satisfied mom.