i feel so guilty that my MIL watches dd everyday. h and i both work really early, so instead of waking up DD, MIL comes to our house at 4:45am each day and twiddles her thumbs until about 8am when she wakes up. she then takes DD to her house.
IL's are very wealthy, and MIL loves cooking (indonesian foods that recipes are passed down, so cooking classes, etc are out) so giving them cash, food, dinners, etc all seems silly to me.
while she's at our house, she also washes dishes, folds laundry, dusts, cleans, simply because she's bored.
i really feel like i should compensate her, but at the same time, she loves DD and bugged us for years to have kids, just so she could babysit..so i'm sure she doesn't expect anything. i've only been back at work for 3 weeks, so i'm trying to figure out if i should do anything!
Post by definitelyO on Jul 11, 2012 14:12:57 GMT -5
I don't give my ILs anything for watching DS. every once in a while flowers or a GC to dinner. but she won't take anything (she watches DS on an occassional basis). My aunt and uncle - nothing either. My teenage cousins get $5/hour.
If I were you I would plan on giving her framed pictures of DD and annual photo books and then take them out to dinner or have them over for meals every once in a while plus heartfelt thank you notes. not sure what else you can do if she won't let you pay her.
No, but we don't use family as daycare. It's a couple hours here and there.
If your MIL is happy and wants to do it, I guess you just let her. Give her lots of photos of DD. Have a back-up if you can if she wants a week (or whatever) off. It sounds like it might be cultural that she wants to do this.
yes, it's definitely cultural that she wants to watch her. my mom watches her/will watch her one day a week sometimes (my mom's schedule varies)..
i will do photobooks, that's a good idea. her and FIL take more pictures of her than h and i, so just giving her pictures won't be enough!! plus, they don't really know how to get pictures off their camera, so i like the photobooks idea.
Post by dcrunnergirl on Jul 11, 2012 14:23:44 GMT -5
No, we don't. MIL watches the LOs 2-3 days/week, and she would never take payment. And, she buys all the food for the kids when they are there, and lots of toys. She LOVES it, and she's been waiting for years to have grandkids to watch, so while I feel bad we don't pay her, I don't feel THAT bad.
No and actually I feel kind of guilty about this because they watch our kids a lot. FIL actually takes them two mornings a week during the school year, which is a huge help to me. They also usually take them on Tuesday nights when DH plays softball and on Saturday mornings for brunch, which usually turns into the afternoon as well so DH and I can go out for lunch on our own.
They offer to watch them all the time and genuinely seem to enjoy it though so we say yes. They would never accept payment for babysitting so we try to be extra generous when it comes to holidays and birthdays. We also take DH's family on a beach trip every summer and pay for everything.
eta: the funny thing about this is that it makes my mom sooo jealous. She wants to be the grandmom that sees them all the time. They live about eight hours away from us now and are planning to buy a house near us when they retire soon. DH and I joke about it all the time, how we'll never see our kids again after this happens because they'll always be at one of the grandparents' houses.
Post by Ashley&Scott on Jul 11, 2012 14:27:55 GMT -5
jennlin- it really sounds like they like pics of her. Do you think they would like having a photo session just the 3 of them? (or maybe the 5 of you) In my area you can get a family session with digital rights for less than $150.
jennlin- it really sounds like they like pics of her. Do you think they would like having a photo session just the 3 of them? (or maybe the 5 of you) In my area you can get a family session with digital rights for less than $150.
that's a good idea, too...i am in love with my wedding photographer and we have only used her for everything since then. although, for portraits, she's $500 including digital rights! maybe we will do a session for them though, when SIL is in town.
Well, we pay (A LOT) for daycare during the week. My MIL and SIL watch Evan for a day every 1-2 weeks so DH and I can get out alone for a bit. We don't pay them...they usually ask us if they can steal him for a day
jennlin- it really sounds like they like pics of her. Do you think they would like having a photo session just the 3 of them? (or maybe the 5 of you) In my area you can get a family session with digital rights for less than $150.
that's a good idea, too...i am in love with my wedding photographer and we have only used her for everything since then. although, for portraits, she's $500 including digital rights! maybe we will do a session for them though, when SIL is in town.
We did pro photos and created photobooks as Mother's Day gifts for my mom and MIL, and they both LOVED it. MIL especially when crazy, even though she sees them several times each week.
No, my parents only babysit occasionally like when we go to dinner or something and we do not pay them. My unemployed pot head brother did ask if he could be our "manny" and he was willing to change diapers and everything if we paid him-I said hell no and laughed really hard at that one!
No, we will not compensate them. But we also will not use them as regular daycare. Since they live 3 and 4 hours away, that would not make a lot of sense
For those who use their parents for daycare without pay, do you plan on doing the same for your grandchildren? Truly not flaming, just wondering.
No, I don't see us doing the same thing, or at least not as often as MIL, but maybe I'll feel different when we're older and out of the young-kid phase. Also, MIL was a teacher for 30 years, was a director at a daycare for a few years, has a PhD in early childhood development, and was an elementary school principal for a while, so she LOVES young kids.
My ILs don't watch DD during the day, but they never turn down a request to watch her on the weekend, pick her up from daycare, or help out if she's home sick (FIL owns his own business, so his hours are very flexible). We don't pay them, but we try to take them out to dinner often, stock our fridge with food / beer they like, and occasionally pay for a trip out to Chicago where MIL's family lives.
MIL has been watching DS a couple days a week this summer (she's a teacher). We don't pay her. I always make sure she knows how grateful we are and that she knows she's under no obligation.
We don't have family in town, but our parents do babysit when they visit and sometimes fly/drive in to watch our kids when their school is closed for a few days or one of them is sick. We do not pay them. We have offered to pay transportation costs when they visit purely for the purpose of watching our kids, but they will not allow us to.
Post by doctorsbaby on Jul 11, 2012 15:00:38 GMT -5
I paid my mom when I was working but she was my full time child care. She offered when we were having a hard time finding a nanny & she needed the money. Plus, by paying her, I didn't feel out of place when we told her we wanted some things specific ways.
Nope. My mom has watched DD three times- once for a dinner out, and two times when daycare was closed. She would never take anything from us if we tried to pay her, so we'll just take her out for dinner as a thanks.
If I were using her for daycare on a regular basis, heck yeah I'd pay her.
MIL has said that she plans to watch our kid(s) full-time when she retires in 4 years. I'm sure she would not want payment but we would probably give her some money each week and tell her it's for their snacks, meals, milk, etc. And maybe gas if she is driving them to any activities.
I don't actually think we would take her up on full-time childcare. Maybe two days/week and daycare the other 3. The whole plan makes me nervous, mostly because MIL never stayed at home with any of her own kids. I think she does not realize how tough it is to watch little ones alone all day long. Plus I really want her to enjoy her retirement because she's worked really hard with a long commute for so many years.
No. My parents LOVE watching DS 2 days a week. In turn, though, we'll take them out to dinner occasionally, or as we've done once before and are doing this year - we're going to the beeach and invited them along and we're paying for the housing.
While your IL's are wealthy, showing appreciation through taking them out or something like that would always be appreciated - I would think!
I also occasionally send flowers - "just because".
My parents watch the girls about once a month, and they usually ask to. If I'm in a bind and my mom can come down then I usually try to buy her lunch or something, but she'd never just let me pay her.
My dad is our main babysitter. I work p/t and the kids go to daycare p/t, but if I have to go in an extra day or someone has the sniffles, they go to grandpa's.
Our deal is supposed to be if I'm making money, then he's making money. So if he watches them while I go to the dentist or for a date night or just because he wants to see them, it's free.
If he keeps them all day while I go to work, it's $50 a day (which is $10 less than an extra day of daycare and what I pay my friend if she does the same thing)
The catch is that sometimes he takes the money and sometimes he doesn't. I know he could use it, so it frustrates me when he won't take it. Other times he takes it but puts it in one of their college funds.
The only other thing I've given him is a new toilet seat to replace the cracked one that was "biting" the kids' rearends, LOL! I don't think dad cared one way or the other, but his girlfriend was pretty excited about it.