Tonight's fun

[basilosaurus]

I'm pretty sure this entire category should be retitled happy endings.

honolulu.craigslist.org/thp/

If you're advertising pretty Asian women who give good massage...

[humpty]

My mom asked me to pic her up some depends and I thought this was going to be a horrible day considering i was trying to get through my anime series by the end of the week, anyways I was trying to find her favorite brand when i saw you looking at the tampons, at first i was discusted but i saw the mountain dew and the cheetos and instantly fell in love, plus you being on the rag meant that you where not pregnant so thats a plus... cus you where kinda thick and i wasnt sure what way that could go. anyways, as soon as i got back to the trailer I emidiatly got on here (after my mom checked her facebook) and decided to tray to reach you, you where wearing a def lepord shirt with the sleaves cut off with what appeared to be daisy dukes, and the expensive flip flops (i could tell you where classy) i was weaing my favorite halo t shirt with my everyday sweat pants, and my rebock pumps and ed hardy trucker hat. i really hope we can get together and make a magical night! my mom has bingo and scrap booking on tuesdays and fridays so any of those days would be good. please write me back!!!!

[basilosaurus]

I'm gonna be rich if I follow this guy. He's selling about 60 cents worth of coins for $25. I have a ton of them lying around. I still keep finding the damn things in pockets.


Japanese "1 yen" coins - 10 Rolls of 50 Coins - $25 (Waikiki 96830)

"10 rolls" of Japanese 1 yen coins - $25 (Waikiki)

Hard to find!

The Government is discouraging their use because it cost more than 3 yen to make a 1 yen coin. [if they are, they're not going a good job of it]

Each roll (Bank wrapped in plastic) contains 50 coins of various dates.

These coins are made of aluminum (they can float).

Mahalo

[Deleted]

I'm posting this one because I've been in this store and it's exactly like this lol

Wow, what a place to go shopping! Walking around with my family clothes thrown everywhere on the floor, security people walking around texting and not paying any attention whatsoever as I watched two middle aged women stuffing their large duffle bag like purses with items they were pulling off the racks. I was going to say something to someone but after one of the younger black cashiers loudly blurts out the *F* bomb and bursts into some gangsta rap song as the other girl standing by her giggles saying "go..girl, sing it beyotch" I figured the hell with it. I watched a younger Latina woman take her young son by the hand and walk out of the store when the MTV rap session started. I guess there was no management around, that or no one seemed to give a crap about what was going on at their cash registers. When we went to check out, no one seemed to have a lane open, evidently it was break time? 2 lanes open, 4 people standing around talking loudly rolling their eyes at customers and bitching to one another that it wasnt their job. I have neverseen such an UN ORGANIZED MESS in a retail store in my life. I think GOODWILL has better organization! Hangers all over the floor, clothes thrown on the floor behind the registers and rude young women standing around evidently getting paid to help their friends steal clothes. I guess ROSS is the store you go to for the grab and go deals, just make sure you bring a big hand bag, hell... bring a backpack I am sure security will help you carry it out! Might want to give them a tip though

[charminglife]

How not to get caught cheating (metro center)
Date: 2012-05-14, 2:23PM EDT
Reply to: [e-mail]
Here's how you keep from getting caught.

1. Don't use your normal email address. Make one up. Use it only for cheating. Try not to open the account on computers you share with your spouse - you don't want saved passwords or "autofill" to screw you over. I recommend gmail because you can get into it just about anywhere - including your phone. Always log out. Always log out. One more time - ALWAYS LOG OUT!

2. Do not text on your personal phone. Text messages are now the #1 way people get caught and there's a million reasons why. First of all - if your spouse can see your bill, they can see you've been texting a shitload with someone who isn't them. They're going to ask at some point. Second, many phones show the most recent text by default on the locked screen. So even if you have a passcode on your phone, if you don't turn off the alert that shows up for texts, your spouse can see what people are sending you. Of course, then there's the old fashion case of her being curious and going through your phone. Text messages are short and sweet and to the point when you're telling your hookup that you want to meet to fuck - that makes it easy for a spouse to figure out what's going. It's not hard to figure out what "I'm wet, come do something about it" means. You're better off taking a phone call than texting.

If you have to text - use a work phone. Get a prepaid phone with a data plan, but don't leave a money trail (more on that in a minute). Just don't be that guy whose wife gets the monthly bill and sees that you've done a shitty job of hiding your affair.

3. Only send pictures that are already on your Facebook or other social media page. This allows you an excuse if someone gets your picture and sends it to your spouse. If the picture is in your Facebook collection you can always say somebody must have grabbed it from there and sent it around without your permission. It's a plausible excuse that gives you time to start fixing shit - or at the least hiding it better. Never send naked pictures of yourself to someone who isn't your spouse. You can never ever explain that away. Leave the naked shit for in-person meetings and save yourself a lot of trouble.

If someone on craigslist is asking for all kinds of pics - especially dirty ones, they're simply collecting them for God knows what. Do not send them anything that doesn't already exist on the internet and save yourself some major touble. If they won't meet you without the dirty pic, then it's not worth it.

4. Do not spend money. Behind text messages this is where most people get caught. Hotels show up on credit card reciepts and large cash withdrawls in the middle of the week in the middle of the day with nothing of substance to show for them makes a spouse suspicious. Hotels are great if somebody has a sure way of hiding the charges. You're going to have to get creative if you can't.

Leaving a money trail for gifts is stupid as well. Lingerie is cool, but is it worth your wife finding out when she checks the bank account? If you're going to the pleasure palace because you want to surprise your new boy toy with a huge black dildo, you better realize your husband might see the purchase and be waiting to see what you have to share. If he doesn't see it - you're busted.

Spending money is dumb and it shows the inclination of you wanting to change your situation. Fucking is free, leaving your spouse is expensive.

5. Don't change your routine significantly to meet your new sex friend. People notice when things change - much more than you would ever think. I remember making up stories about having to drive people home after work so I could go all the way out to Ashburn to have sex with this girl. It was stupid. I nearly got caught every time. A better situation would have been to find someone near me and work it out. Trying to force the situation into coming to fruition will lead you to do something careless or sloppy. Try to incorporate your meetings into the slots of time you already have in your daily life. And remember - if you're using the gym as an excuse - at least go quickly scan your card and make sure you look the part of someone who worked out when you return home.

6. Don't tell anyone. Don't tell your sister, your best friend or a stranger on the bus. You never know what will happen with that information in the future. I can't tell you how many guys I have known that bragged about cheating on their wife only to have one guy tell his own wife who is friends with the chick getting cheated on - disaster. I don't have to tell you women what happens when your best friend who knows all of your secrets decides you're a bitch and you are no longer friends. That's just plain dumb to share with another woman - they can't keep anything secret.

7. If it's just sex, you don't need to know much about the other person. Last names? No. Home addresss? Only if that's where you are hooking up. College you graduated from? Nope. These details are the kinds of things that make it hard to deny you know someone if they go crazy and try to tell your spouse that you've been having an affair with them and want to runaway together. The less they know, the crazier they sound when they go off the deep end and show up at your house to claim you.

8. Play safe. Nobody wants kids or diseases when they're just out to have some fun.

9. Do consider coming clean and suggesting an open relationship with your spouse. Getting some strange ass every once in a while that is emotionally meaningless is not worth getting a divorce over. It's not love, it's just sex. Just a thought. It would make things easier.

[Deleted]

May 14, 2012 20:44:17 GMT -5 humpty said:

My mom asked me to pic her up some depends and I thought this was going to be a horrible day considering i was trying to get through my anime series by the end of the week, anyways I was trying to find her favorite brand when i saw you looking at the tampons, at first i was discusted but i saw the mountain dew and the cheetos and instantly fell in love, plus you being on the rag meant that you where not pregnant so thats a plus... cus you where kinda thick and i wasnt sure what way that could go. anyways, as soon as i got back to the trailer I emidiatly got on here (after my mom checked her facebook) and decided to tray to reach you, you where wearing a def lepord shirt with the sleaves cut off with what appeared to be daisy dukes, and the expensive flip flops (i could tell you where classy) i was weaing my favorite halo t shirt with my everyday sweat pants, and my rebock pumps and ed hardy trucker hat. i really hope we can get together and make a magical night! my mom has bingo and scrap booking on tuesdays and fridays so any of those days would be good. please write me back!!!!

/ded

[basilosaurus]

What a gig!

wanna get paid to surf?? im looking for a sitter who can drive and surf, i pay $10 an hour, my kids surf very well and everyday, but I do not have time to take them to their different surf spots. times are during the week, after 3 usually until 7, but its not every day.

if your interested and have your own board and drivers license, non smoker, healthy clean attitude, no swearing. females preferred.

[basilosaurus]

I'm sure this is on the up and up.

.If you are "New" to Modeling , Or very experienced. We looking for models to shoot . It will be a paid shoot 50/75.00 per hour depending on your experience. You will be able to keep a Bikini . If you can do your own make up thats a big plus ! If your not the shy type, Please with repond with a few photos. It's ok if the photos are not high quality.Please also include the best way to contact you.

[doctorwho]

Good news ladies:
Best new male sexual enhancement pills in queens - $40 (flushing near LIE 23)
try new V Professional 100mg 10 pills +1 free
regular online price $49- $74 ( you can google seach )
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I used before - it work faster and safer to use
e-mail if u r interested

:heart:

[doctorwho]

Music is a wonderful gift.....

guitar lessons for massage (Midtown)
trade- experienced male guitarist/ guitar teacher offering lessons to upbeat and fun ladies.
willing to trade for massage, quality time, open to other fun suggestions
beginners welcome-
this could be a regular thing or just one time- whatever you prefer
I am 40, nice looking, good guy, normal and fun
interested ladies please reply with an email

[broc]

I have one for you, hab! atlanta.craigslist.org/nat/dmg/3015667277.html

Live in House Keeper (Sandy Springs)

Single man with large house / pool looking for a live in situation. I can offer private living accomdations in the basement in exchange for cooking / laundry, cooking a few meals per week, if you could manage a back rub from time to time even better. It is just me in the house so the cleaning should not be that intense and you would be able to have an outside job in addition to your light duties. I am looking for someone quite who would have few visitors. We could discuss access to car as part of the arrangement. I am white but I would perfer a black female for this position.

[Deleted]

OMG!

I want to know why all these chodes think a live in arrangement means they don't have to pay people. Even douchelords pay the illegals they hire. Dayum.

[doctorwho]

For sale or trade. This is a good deal. 1 large gallon ziplock bag of assorted condiments. This bag contains a collection of hand selected condiments of varying sorts, as well as disposable utensils, moist towelettes, and a few surprises. Never Have A Bland Lunch Again!!!!

.
.
.
.
moist

[basilosaurus]

Well, of course there are the creepers. That's not the funny stuff. What's funny are the delusional people.

Apparently the rants and raves section of personals here is full of anti-obama trolls. honolulu.craigslist.org/rnr/

I wonder if we should lure any of them to TN.

[curmudgeon]

"I know you lied about last night. Really if you have found someone just tell me. What we have is wonderful but it is killing me that you are looking to replace me.

I tried to anticipate your needs, and desires. Being the best that you had or ever will have, but it wasn't enough. You don't need to hide and lie about looking for my replacement. I know that you are. All you ever had to do was tell me the truth so I could move on."

Umm, vague much?

[redheadbaker]

From the "strictly platonic" section. I feel a little naive that I have no idea what "situations" he might be referring to.

philadelphia.craigslist.org/stp/3014291530.html

YOU: a cute undergrad or graduate student between 18-30 and located in Center City.

SITUATION: Facing certain obligations that must be met.

SOLUTION: Professional gentleman can lend assistance.

Serious replies only, please.

[basilosaurus]

She's poetic.

Are you looking for a baby sitter??

My name is Shelly.
I am a stay at home mother of 2
Beautiful kids. I do baby sitting in
My home here on scholfield.
I do full time/ part time.
And oncall sitting.
No longer do weekends!
If your looking for a baby sitter
With a reasonable price
Please feel free to contact me
To discuss more or meet in person.

[EloiseWeenie]

This chick is pretty peeved. . . but she speaks truth

"1. how people on dating sites to include cl personals put pics of themselves that are ten months to ten yrs ago up. you know the ones back when they were cute and when you set up a meeting place you can't find the person because when they walk right up on you. your like damn, sorry i didn't recognize you. because of x y z.

2. women that leave their period stained anything in a public bathroom. tampoons on the floor, pads on the seat, panties in the trash cause you can't figure out when your period is going to start and "IT JUST SNUCK UP ON YOU" you know who you nasty hefers are. gross bitch.

3. men that wear magnum condoms that know they don't need them. they be all proud and place it on the nightstand so you can see it then they disrobe and your like "what the fuck", then they proceed to put the joker on and get busy and then they get pissed at you like it is your fault your tight pussy pulled off that baggy ass condom. i am just saying, please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! shop accordingly.

4. people that you meet online that starts with texting and then leads to phone calls, and on the phone you think damn this person has got the shit together and you feel a real connection and endless possiblities.. THEN, you meet this person face to face and you are like where the hell did this asshole come from. crap, i am using skype from now on.

5. why don't they make dark meat chicken nuggets. i mean there is way more dark meat on a chicken than breast meat yet every stupid nugget in the world is breast meat only. i totally went crazy when they took away the mystery meat nuggets at MC D'S. damn it.........

6. why is asking for condiments at a drive thru such a mother fuckin inconvience to the drive thru window clerk, i mean really, it isnt coming out of your pocket money, give me more than 2 ketchups for my super sized fries. shit.......

7. people that go to clubs/bars without at a bare minimum a touch up on hygiene. i mean really. buy some gum on the way and a car air fresher to spray some stink off you. and to those that just skip the deo from the morning and then try to cover up a days worth of sweat and only satan knows what else with some BATH AND BODY WORKS LOTION stop kidding yourself, you still stink......

8. people that only call you friend when they need money, which for the first few times you may happily assist, but let you be stuck on the side of the road with a flat and not a soul picks up that cell phone, but instead text waz up.....asshole.

9. why in the town of jax, there are no family business like all the ones in emerald isle or wilmington, with as many families and young troops we have here and all this damn land, put a friggin mini putt putt, go carts, batting cages, arcades and ect.

10. last one for today, why can't i get the same great taste from my microwaved food as i do from putting it in the damn oven for 30 mins, who has time for that bs.

11. my next pet peeve, is women that stand up in a public bathrooms and piss all over the seat. (if you are going to do that put the fucking lid up bitch)

12. my second is crappy toilet paper in public restrooms. you have to use so much to cover the previous person's piss, then it is so thin you have to use a butt load to wipe yourself clean and then the crap won't flush due to the amount you had to use in the first place.

13. next, movies with shitty endings.

14. hot bodied people with no brains, feelings or emotions.

15. weak alpha males that are emotionally crippled because the previous bitch that you picked out anyway "hurt your feelings" so you think all women are evil money hungry, back stabbing dirty women. (WE ALL DON'T BEHAVE THAT WAY)

16. people that say one thing and do the complete opposite. (i will call you, instead they never do, they completely ignore you)

17. people who don't know how to use a free service properly. craigslist is broken down in well defined sections, use them accordingly to yeild the results you seek, especially the personals.

18. people who post ads then never respond, don't be such a chicken shit fucker you put your damn ad up there, answer fuckhead.

19. shallow people

20. taxes.

21. some laws.

22. waiting rooms in any medical facility.

23. women who think they are their husbands rank. ( understand this woman, you are NOT THE ONE GETTING UP AT O DARK THIRTY GOING TO WORK OR PT, YOU ARE NOT THE ONE DOING THE FIELD EXERCISES OR MILE HUMPS, YOU ARE NOT THE ONE TAKING ORDERS OR LEADING TROOPS, YOU ARE NOT THE ONE DOING ANY TYPE OF DEPLOYMENT WHERE YOU COULD EVEN FATHOM OR UNDERSTAND WHAT IT IS TO MISS SUCH SIMPLE THINGS LIKE A HOT SHOWER, YOU ARE NOT YOUR HUSBANDS RANK, GET THAT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULL,) i am a vet so i can all that shit, for i did my time and i served my country and in some cases unfortunately defended the right for you bitches to act like the unthankful cunts you often times tend to be, you know who you are.

24. people that answer ads that are clearly not meant for them in the miss connections section. stop fooling yourself in to thinking someone was talking about you. the people that write those ads put details in them that the person that it is intended for will understand and realize it is for them, NOT YOU.

25. long lines in shopping centers. if your company has been in business long enough to have a years of history and shopping reports, there is no need to ever have long lines, you should staff accordingly."

[kasi]

What's up with the no pay thing? How would anyone agree to this? Here's the first one I came across:


1br - Love my children, and receive free room and board

I need someone who has a car, experience with children, and who can help with homework and the the tidyness of a house. Basicly I am looking for an assistant house wife. We are a good family but just super busy. I have two kids, one who is in school, a third grader and I have a two year old. My two year old will go to pre school half of the week and the other times I would like youto take him to the park and so play dates. If your are interested please call me at ******

Please note that there is no pay, only free room and board for your services.

[redheadbaker]

OK, the dolls in the pic below are just creepy.

philadelphia.craigslist.org/art/3015297615.html

Raggedy Ann & Andy Dolls - $50 (North Wales)

Collection needs to find a new home. Ceramic Ann needs repair.

[curmudgeon]

"I hate Mothers day. It just gives women a soap box to bitch about what you have not been doing for them the last year! No matter what you do on this day - it will never be enough. Suggested Mothers Day Card: It's Mothers Day. So shut the fuck up."
"kinda like you are doing on your post! bitch much do we."
"And I'm sure your mama hates you, too."
"STFU!! Nuf said............"
"ahh, did I hit a nerve little man? your mama won't suckle you no more? waaaah waaahh"

[Deleted]

Ceramic Ann looks kind of real in a toddlers and tiaras sort of way.

[curmudgeon]

Eloise, I am dying at that list, oh my god.

[basilosaurus]

bunnybean, he should totally meet the woman that hab posted.

[dev22]

420 (North OC)

Date: 2012-05-14, 12:30PM PDT
Reply to: [e-mail] [Errors when replying to ads?]

if you got the hook up, you know what to do

[EloiseWeenie]

May 14, 2012 21:32:06 GMT -5 curmudgeon said:

Eloise, I am dying at that list, oh my god.

I know, right? I kind of want to reply and tell her I hate cheap toilet paper, I never pee on the seat, I know how to properly dispose of pads/tampons, and I love condiments. . . can we be friends? I'll give you the dark meat nuggets if you give me the white meat nuggets.

And doctorwho- I'm dying at the "good deal" gallon ziploc filled with condiments.

[dev22]

I am a woman age 46. As part of a longterm plan, I am interested to buy a hotel in Mexico, perhaps a small one, possibly in Guadalajara. I am looking for a friend possibly a gentleman who chooses to share the dream and wants to do it with me.

I do not want to hear from everyone, only people who have interest to go to Mexico or who want to discuss the hotel.

[doctorwho]

May 14, 2012 21:44:16 GMT -5 EloiseWeenie said:

May 14, 2012 21:32:06 GMT -5 curmudgeon said:

Eloise, I am dying at that list, oh my god.

I know, right? I kind of want to reply and tell her I hate cheap toilet paper, I never pee on the seat, I know how to properly dispose of pads/tampons, and I love condiments. . . can we be friends? I'll give you the dark meat nuggets if you give me the white meat nuggets.

And doctorwho- I'm dying at the "good deal" gallon ziploc filled with condiments.

We should send her the link.

[emilyj]

This isn't fuckery, but if the pay isn't a typo, I might apply for this job.

"Looking for a babysitter to watch my three year old son. He is potty trained and very well behaved. I work odd hours and need a sitter that is willing to stay late some nights. My son has a tight schedule and most nights you watch him he will be in bed about an hour after you arrive. So basically you just need to be here. Pays 30 dollars and hour around 30-40 hrs a week."

[emilyj]

And fuckery:

"I hate house work, and I hate sleeping alone. So if I could find a slender, healthy, attractive, woman 18-39 that is not already a lover to someone but wants to find her a lover and will clean my house too then she should message me and send her photo, phone number and all the info about her and her hopes and cares."

So long as her hopes and cares include fucking and scrubbing toilets???