I'm trying to decide if this is a "bitch eating crackers" scenario. My mom is very high strung/tightly wound. I, on the other hand, am rather free-wheeling and bristle at her attempts to completely control everything about her environment.
Anyways, I mentioned offhandedly a while ago (like, before my H and I were even married) that she's finally about to reach the Nana stage. She got real serious and said "Your father and I would prefer to be called Grandma and Grandpa." I just internally rolled my eyes at her and said we'd use whatever words the kid(s) picked.
A few weeks ago she sent us some board books for the baby. I was surprised since she hasn't really been terribly interested in how I was doing/progressing. My parents were supposed to visit right around this time but cancelled due to non-serious health issues (honestly, I'm not that upset since my mom stresses me out, LOL). She also told me a few weeks ago she has no intention of rescheduling before the baby arrives, so she won't be attending any baby shower either. I'm assuming the books are her gift. My H opened one about how much these mom/dad mice loved their little baby mice and my mom had sat there and written "GRANDMA" and "GRANDPA" on the foreheads of the mom/dad mice. On every single page.
My H and I had a good laugh about it in the moment, but now I'm just annoyed. Let the kid decide if you're Grandma or Grammy or Mamma or Nana or whatever. How is this so difficult?
I plan to let this go because c'mon, she's ridiculous, but I need to know if I'm justified in my annoyance here. My H, for the record, still thinks it's hilarious.
I think the grandparents get to decide what they want to be called. That being said, I do think it's weird that they wrote in the book like you described.
My mom decided that she would be called Gram. I think expecting a kid to decide what to call them is a big much, considering it will be about 2 years before they will be verbal enough to do that.
My mom decided that she would be called Gram. I think expecting a kid to decide what to call them is a big much, considering it will be about 2 years before they will be verbal enough to do that.
I agree with this.
My DS is 2 and decided recently Granny is no longer Granny but Gee. Kids will decide on their own what they call the Gparents. Maybe she'll get over the ridiculousness when your kid actually does it.
My MIL wanted to be called by her first name. I said no. You are a grandparent, no child of mine will call a grandparent by their first name. So now DS calls her Nana and FIL Grampa Surname.
My mom wanted to be called Ma. I was fine with this, and we referred to her as Ma until DS decided to call her Ouma. So now she is Ouma.
My dad (my parents divorced when I was 4 years old) is called Grampa Surname.
DS also decided to call SIL Lala instead of Aunty first name.
I think whatever the grandparents are called are a mix of both what they want and also what the kid calls them. For example H's grandparents wanted to be grandma and grandpa but his brother just couldn't understand that because he had a grandpa he called papa so hecalled them grandma and PaPa and it stuck.
Oh geez! I can't handle people who are so controlling. I would be annoyed! Maybe you should have a tshirt made that says Nana and send it to her. That is something I would do just to annoy her. Or have a onesie made that says I love my Nana then send her a picture of the baby in it.
I dunno. I see where your parents are coming from. It isn't like she is expecting your kiddo to call her "Her Royal Highness" Grandma and Grandpa are pretty standard. Now if in 10 yrs she puts your kid in punishment b/c he or she called her grams then yeah I would limit further interaction with them.
I think the grandparents get to decide what they want to be called. That being said, I do think it's weird that they wrote in the book like you described.
This. My mom has requested to be "gram" since "grandma" makes her feel too old, she says.
I think it all depends on how out there the names are/what their reasons are. My MIL, for example, was really worked up about finding an exotic name for herself because she found it unfair that my parents would be called "abuelo" and "abuela" (literally Spanish for "grandmother" and "grandfather"). She would send me all these names in Basque and Japanese and languages we have zero cultural link to. It was annoying.
Now it turns out that DD made up random names for her and FIL and furthermore, DD calls my parents what I call them (Papi and a nickname I've always had for my mom that isn't "mom"). So DD got the last word.
Post by catsarecute on Apr 3, 2014 16:06:16 GMT -5
The image of seeing GRANDMA and GRANDPA on every page in the book is making me laugh. That is some dedication right there!!
When my niece was born, my mom and dad picked out their names. My mom didn't want to be grandma so instead she is Grandma V. Her first name starts with a V. And my dad is Grandpa D, first name starts with a D.
I don't know what my in laws are going to be called. My husband told them to pick something out and his sister got really defensive when he said he didn't like one of her suggestions. I think because she knows whatever my kid calls them, her kids will have to call them.
I'd say if it means that much to her to be called Grandma, I'd let her have it. One of those picking your battles moment, right?
Post by picksthemusic on Apr 3, 2014 16:11:27 GMT -5
Your mom sounds ridiculous. That being said, my mom chose to be called Cha-cha. I don't even know. But DD calls her Cha-cha because I told her that's who that was. So... yeah. We told DD that DH's parents are 'buelita' and 'buelito', and it came out Tata and Toto. My dad and step-mom are Papa and Lola (by their own choice). IMO, if the grandparents prefer a certain name, then that's what they should be called. If it comes out differently when your LO says it, then it may change to reflect that.
Writing in the book is weird. Having a preference on what to be called is not (although it's really weird that she seemed so adamant about it when you weren't even married yet).
That said, I'm irrationally confused/annoyed by the name my MIL wants to be called. So I get it. (My H and I assumed she'd want to be called the word for grandma in the language my H grew up speaking but nope, she wants to be "G-ma." Like, a hip version of grandma. Let's see what this kid comes out saying.)
This would not annoy me. I think it's fine for someone to prefer to be called a certain thing, afterall they're the one having to go by this "name." My real name has a shortened version that I dislike when people use it (i.e., Liz for Elizabeth), so I ask to be called by my full name usually.
With that said, writing it in a book is a little strange. Overall though, your mom may just be worried she'll have to go by Nana which obviously she doesn't want to so I wouldn't call her that. As others have said, your child will probably call your parents whatever you call them (i.e., grandma, grandpa, nana, papa, etc.)
I'm perfectly willing to accept that I'm overly annoyed because it's my mom. We can be total opposites sometimes. I don't have any preference on what they're called really. The book was so weird though. I'll need to post a sample page for posterity.
My H was like, "do you think our kid will think his grandparents have GRANDMA and GRANDPA tattooed on their foreheads?" Snicker.
Post by curbsideprophet on Apr 3, 2014 19:21:29 GMT -5
I think you are overreacting to people having a preference on what to be called. You are going to want to use a name/title before the kid can talk.
We asked all the grandparents for their preference. MIL was excited that she could be Nana. SILs kids call her granny and now that she has had time to think about it she prefers Nana.
ETA: the book thing is weird. She could have just found a book with her preferred name choice (or had one made if she could not find one).
We're letting the grandparents decide. H's mum and stepdad already have 4 grandchildren, so they'll probably just keep those names. I really want mini loira to call H's dad 'Abuelo' since his side of the family is Mexican-American, but if he doesn't like it, I'm not going to force it. My parents are still in denial about being grandparents so they haven't picked anything yet.
I don't think it's odd that your mum wants to decide. I do think it's a wee bit crazy that she wrote in the book.
Post by andthentherewere10 on Apr 4, 2014 15:53:28 GMT -5
Parents get so weird. My dad is insisting on GRANDFATHER. What 2 year old says grandFATHER? My mom is insisting on Eee-laa -- whatever that is. Stupid.
My MIL insists on being called Mimi. No. My mom wanted to be called that and she passed 5 years ago this fall. My MIL signs everything now from "Grandma (Mimi)" It annoys me so much and I completely agree with you.
I think it's cute to let the kids come up with something. Much more special that way too.
I think it's fine for the grandparents to have a preference, but the kids may or may not use it. H's parents are already "Grandma and Grandpa" to our niece and nephew, and my parents are already "Nana and Pop Pop."
Post by pacificrules on Apr 6, 2014 14:55:31 GMT -5
(I haven't read the responses)
I think it's WAY over the top and annoying for her to write Gma/Gpa on every single page! Yes, I'd be annoyed.
But, I also don't necessarily agree with you that the baby can choose what they're called. Long before your LO can talk, you'll refer to them when talking. I think you've got to have something to call them from the get-go; but, your kid might change that and have a name for them once he/she starts talking.
Post by speckledfrog on Apr 6, 2014 20:57:52 GMT -5
I think it's a bit silly to try to control what your mom wants to be called. Yes, the kids may come up with their own name, but they have to have a name to start with. Why not make it the one she wants?
Anywho, I agree with the others who said that she will need a name to go by before your kid can talk, so you might as well use the name that she wants. Then again, I got annoyed with my MIL who wanted some off the wall grandmother name and I had to tell her that there was no way I was going to refer to her by this ridiculous title, and even less likely that her grandkid would use that title once the kid was in school and realized how ridiculous it was. So I have vetoed certain bizarro names. But grandma and grandpa are completely normal and understandable
@myblue: "Bitch eating crackers" is shorthand for where someone annoys you to the point that everything they do annoys you. Like, some random person coughing doesn't bother you, but that awful coworker coughing is the worst.thing.ever.
I think the situation with my mom is that I have a low tolerance point but she has some weird-ass quirks too. I was likely to use "grandma" and "grandpa" when talking about them to our kid(s) since that's what I used with my own grandparents, but my mom's insistence on it ahead of time was really irking me. Her message has been received, loud and clear.
@myblue: "Bitch eating crackers" is shorthand for where someone annoys you to the point that everything they do annoys you. Like, some random person coughing doesn't bother you, but that awful coworker coughing is the worst.thing.ever.
I think the situation with my mom is that I have a low tolerance point but she has some weird-ass quirks too. I was likely to use "grandma" and "grandpa" when talking about them to our kid(s) since that's what I used with my own grandparents, but my mom's insistence on it ahead of time was really irking me. Her message has been received, loud and clear.
hahahha! I've never heard of that before I like the expression though!