s/o Anxiety (and TTC)

[Susie]

Pre-TTC anxiety is totally a thing, even when you're solidly in the pro-having-kids camp. It's a huge life change! I have often wished for an "oops" so I didn't have to go through the decision-making.

[biomaj5]

I suggest that you find yourself a hobby and throw yourself into it for an anxiety outlet. I don't want that to sound snarky-it's honest advice. TTC can take over your entire life if you let it. We have IF issues, but it can take a normal, healthy couple a year to get KU even with good timing. I took up both knitting and running as a way to distract myself. If it takes a few months and you get frustrated or are feeling like you're just spinning your wheels, you could start a savings account or something so that you have measurable progress towards a baby-related goal. I don't recommend buying anything before you're KU, because that stuff is hard to look at if things don't go as planned. It is absolutely normal to be nervous, and to second-guess the decision. It's a major life change. I've seen a lot of people say that even though they were 100% prepared for a baby, they still had an "oh shit what have we done?!" reaction to BFP.

I would also recommend charting on www.fertilityfriend.com. Some people do that right away, and some like to try for a few months before getting technical. It gives you a sense of control over the situation.

HTH

[mainewifey]

Apr 10, 2014 15:19:09 GMT -5 Susie said:

Pre-TTC anxiety is totally a thing, even when you're solidly in the pro-having-kids camp. It's a huge life change! I have often wished for an "oops" so I didn't have to go through the decision-making.

This x100, especially the wishing for an oops.  I'm always afraid that when we make the decision and have a kid I'm going to be that rare mom who sort of regrets it, and then I'll have no one to blame but myself.  But with an oops, I can blame mother nature. 

I think it's completely normal to have second thoughts.

[hannahb]

Apr 10, 2014 15:24:04 GMT -5 biomaj5 said:

I suggest that you find yourself a hobby and throw yourself into it for an anxiety outlet. I don't want that to sound snarky-it's honest advice. TTC can take over your entire life if you let it. We have IF issues, but it can take a normal, healthy couple a year to get KU even with good timing. I took up both knitting and running as a way to distract myself. If it takes a few months and you get frustrated or are feeling like you're just spinning your wheels, you could start a savings account or something so that you have measurable progress towards a baby-related goal. I don't recommend buying anything before you're KU, because that stuff is hard to look at if things don't go as planned. It is absolutely normal to be nervous, and to second-guess the decision. It's a major life change. I've seen a lot of people say that even though they were 100% prepared for a baby, they still had an "oh shit what have we done?!" reaction to BFP.

I would also recommend charting on www.fertilityfriend.com. Some people do that right away, and some like to try for a few months before getting technical. It gives you a sense of control over the situation.

HTH

All this. We went back and forth before taking the plunge. It's totally normal. It wasn't until we had fertility problems that I realized how much I really wanted children. You will never be truely ready. You may have the means financially, be set up emotionally, etc but once you have that little nugget he/she will always be throwing you for a loop!

[katinthehat]

I'm 27 weeks pregnant with my third and still wonder what exactly I've gotten myself into.

Anxiety is totally normal and even healthy I think. If you did have an "oops" and feel your life would be ruined, then maybe it's not right for you. But if you like the idea of an oops and could live with it, then it probably is just the idea of actually making a decision that has you so worried and not actually having kids itself.

[lauren170]

I totally felt this way last year. We decided to go for it and I figured it would take a while, but it was the exact opposite for us - it happened right away. I don't regret a thing.

I was scared of giving up sleeping in, concerts, vacations, working out 2x a day etc. I was scared of being responsible for someone else's life. Yeah it's been an adjustment, and the first 6 weeks were pretty miserable, but now I can say I've found the hard parts are worth it for the smiles, cuddles, and seeing the world through her eyes.

What specifically is causing you anxiety? Is it just fear of change and the unknown?

[Wines Not Whines]

I think it's completely normal to be anxious or apprehensive. Becoming a parent is a huge deal. If someone isn't a little anxious, I think they're crazy.

[mrshandy]

TTC is definitely a little scary. Kind of like going down a roller coaster. While pregnancy can be really scary, it is also really a wonderful experience for lots of people and most pregnancies are fairly normal. It sounds like of hokey and I can't believe I'm suggesting it, but maybe some daily affirmations about having a family and pregnancy might be helpful for lessening your anxiety.

Life goes on and babies are pretty simple really (eat, sleep, poop, pee, repeat) as much as we like to make them more complicated than they are.

I also agree about a hobby to distract you. Thinking about TTC all the time can drive you crazy since there are really only a few times each month that you can actually do anything about it.

[breezy8407]

I have two and some days wonder what I've gotten myself into. And they are almost 2.

I had a similar path into TTC. Things in life kept delaying us starting. I was never fully ready and also feared a loss or trouble TTC like you. I have so many friends who have struggled, I just assumed that would happen to us. I am also very selfish and still feel that way sometimes. I still mourn the loss of sleeping 8 hours a night, coming and going as I please, having money to spend on myself....the list goes on.

Well, God laughed in my face and gave us surprise twins. Not trying to scare you, but for someone who wasn't sure she wanted kids for a long time, to being okay with one, finding out I had two was more than life changing. But I knew I wanted a family someday, so I knew it was now or never so to speak.

I think most people will tell you you will never be 100% ready - you will never have enough money, a big enough house, etc.

[osulori]

Apr 11, 2014 8:39:38 GMT -5 breezy8407 said:

I think most people will tell you you will never be 100% ready - you will never have enough money, a big enough house, etc.

This is my thought too.  I had a LOT of anxiety over actually pulling the proverbial trigger and telling the OB not to renew my BCP prescription when she saw me for my annual, and then actually saying yes when she asked if she should send a prescription for prenatals for me to take prior to conceiving.  J and I had talked about it for so long, and I had been so set on going off the pill after my next annual following my sister's wedding (annual was about 6 weeks after) but when it came time to actually do it, I was terrified.  So I told myself it'd take a while for me to get pg since I'd been on the pill for so long, blah blah blah.

And just over a month after I took my last BCP...I was staring at a positive pregnancy test.  I spent a lot of time over the course of my pregnancy having thoughts of OH CRAP WHAT DID WE DOOOOOOOO, and like breezy8407 I still mourn the loss of my freedom to sleep peacefully through the night and come and go as I please.  But for the most part, parenthood is pretty great and I don't regret it for a second.  I feel like I did all that worrying and freaking out for nothing because so far it's been okay.

Taking up some sort of stress relieving hobby is a great idea.  For me, that was running-it kept me sane during all those "oh crap, am I ready to have a baby?" prepregnancy freakouts and helped me process how things were going to change after I got pregnant (my main running buddy is a mom of 2 soon to be 3 so she helped me talk a lot out).

[libbygrl109]

Apr 11, 2014 8:57:02 GMT -5 osulori said:

Apr 11, 2014 8:39:38 GMT -5 breezy8407 said:

OH CRAP WHAT DID WE DOOOOOOOO.

This is exactly what I said the second the test turned positive, and we were actively trying. As everyone said, the anxiety over growing and then caring for another human being in intense, but it's completely normal and one of those times when the benefits completely outweigh the risks. I had a couple scary moments during my pregnancy, and spent the last 3 months of it relying on faith. Everything turned out OK in the end, and I have a happy healthy little boy. I guess you just have to go with your gut, and by all means surround yourself with whatever supports you need whnever you need them.

[mainewifey]

I've been telling myself I want to be in the best shape of my life before we have kids. Which is quite possibly the most open ended goal ever. When exactly does one know that they've accomplished that?

Then I think, well do I really want to work that hard and then throw it all away when I gain 35, 40, 50+ pounds or whatever?

Do I want to jump in with both feet and have a kid now so I can just get it over with and start with getting back in shape?

Is it sad that my trainer will only be at this facility for a couple more years, and so I think I need to get it over with now so he can help me get my body back? I mean really, who plans having children around their personal trainers?

[breezy8407]

Oh and if you haven't already, I recommend reading the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility. If you are already charting, you probably will know if you have regular cycle or not. The book helped me look for the right signs to know I was actually ovulating. Although charting wasn't able to tell me that particular cycle I kicked out two eggs instead of one

[gt7301b]

I'm right there with you, it is terrifying. My DH says I keep hitting snooze on my maternal clock. I don't really have any advice to give, other than you are not alone.

[agswife]

Pre-TTC anxiety is definitely a thing. I already have it for #2 and that won't occur for a few years. All I can tell you is that all the anxiety is worth it. That tiny human you two are going to create is going to be fucking awesome (can I say that here?) Definitely do your research and learn about TTC, like Breezy suggested - it will only help you. But it can become all consuming, so definitely keep up with your hobbies, whatever they may be.

Also, my baby's picture is not in my siggy, but I promise you she's absolutely adorable and worth every bit of anxiety I had and continue to have (because now I'm worried about weird shit like her crazy egg allergy and why is there such a big gap in between her two front teeth? And will her belly button ever change from an outtie to an innie?, etc. . .)

[katinthehat]

Apr 11, 2014 20:25:50 GMT -5 agswife said:

Pre-TTC anxiety is definitely a thing. I already have it for #2 and that won't occur for a few years. All I can tell you is that all the anxiety is worth it. That tiny human you two are going to create is going to be fucking awesome (can I say that here?) Definitely do your research and learn about TTC, like Breezy suggested - it will only help you. But it can become all consuming, so definitely keep up with your hobbies, whatever they may be.

Also, my baby's picture is not in my siggy, but I promise you she's absolutely adorable and worth every bit of anxiety I had and continue to have (because now I'm worried about weird shit like her crazy egg allergy and why is there such a big gap in between her two front teeth? And will her belly button ever change from an outtie to an innie?, etc. . .)

my Eliza bean's button is half and half.  It's so funny looking - once we were seeing an on call pediatrician and he took one look at her belly and said "That is the cutest darn belly button I've ever seen."

Cracked me up!

[foundmylazybum]

Apr 10, 2014 20:39:19 GMT -5 @pennypie said:

Apr 10, 2014 19:04:49 GMT -5 lauren170 said:

What specifically is causing you anxiety? Is it just fear of change and the unknown?

The pregnancy part is causing me some anxiety, with my friend's recent loss. But it's the being responsible for a human part that terrifies me. When I think about holidays or family trips with a kid, I like that part. I like the idea of a family. I'm afraid that I'll have a kid and be like, "whoops, never mind" and be stuck. (I have some issues with my dad bailing on me and my mom when I was very young. And then being abusive when he came back into my life. We haven't spoken in several years. I'm afraid I have some of him, his selfishness, in me. But I also know I have a lot of my mom in me too and she's a fucking amazing mom.)

I'm afraid of the total life rearrangement and the stress and depression and anxiety that I'm always working to keep at bay overwhelming.

Six months ago none of these thoughts were running through my mind, when we were talking and plotting. I was in 110%. But now that we're on the cusp of actually trying, all of the apprehensions and negative thoughts are non-stop.

Financially we're in a good place. We're in a great place in our relationship. Complete upheaval is scary.

Lol. I relate to a LOT of what you typed out here...A lot. Especially the bolded.


Sometimes...when I hear the "OMG when you meet your baby you will be just think they are SO AWESOME it's worth it!"

I think this:


Because you know what? Right now I'm about to experience this:



And not be tied down by cute, little baby hands demanding all my time and energy.

It actually really is hard to give that up.

I sort of wish people would acknowledge that a bit more--and I SUPER duper appreciate the people in this post who did do it..

[agswife]

Apr 12, 2014 9:35:39 GMT -5 foundmylazybum said:

Apr 10, 2014 20:39:19 GMT -5 @pennypie said:

The pregnancy part is causing me some anxiety, with my friend's recent loss. But it's the being responsible for a human part that terrifies me. When I think about holidays or family trips with a kid, I like that part. I like the idea of a family. I'm afraid that I'll have a kid and be like, "whoops, never mind" and be stuck. (I have some issues with my dad bailing on me and my mom when I was very young. And then being abusive when he came back into my life. We haven't spoken in several years. I'm afraid I have some of him, his selfishness, in me. But I also know I have a lot of my mom in me too and she's a fucking amazing mom.)

I'm afraid of the total life rearrangement and the stress and depression and anxiety that I'm always working to keep at bay overwhelming.

Six months ago none of these thoughts were running through my mind, when we were talking and plotting. I was in 110%. But now that we're on the cusp of actually trying, all of the apprehensions and negative thoughts are non-stop.

Financially we're in a good place. We're in a great place in our relationship. Complete upheaval is scary.

Lol. I relate to a LOT of what you typed out here...A lot. Especially the bolded.


Sometimes...when I hear the "OMG when you meet your baby you will be just think they are SO AWESOME it's worth it!"

I think this:


Because you know what? Right now I'm about to experience this:



And not be tied down by cute, little baby hands demanding all my time and energy.

It actually really is hard to give that up.

I sort of wish people would acknowledge that a bit more--and I SUPER duper appreciate the people in this post who did do it..

Get the drugs. Then that second gif won't be as brutal in real life.

Also, this article is pretty spot on.

www.huffingtonpost.com/caroline-beaulieu/is-having-a-baby-really-worth-it_b_5119535.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000037

[Deleted]

Apr 10, 2014 15:39:30 GMT -5 hannahb said:

Apr 10, 2014 15:24:04 GMT -5 biomaj5 said:

I suggest that you find yourself a hobby and throw yourself into it for an anxiety outlet. I don't want that to sound snarky-it's honest advice. TTC can take over your entire life if you let it. We have IF issues, but it can take a normal, healthy couple a year to get KU even with good timing. I took up both knitting and running as a way to distract myself. If it takes a few months and you get frustrated or are feeling like you're just spinning your wheels, you could start a savings account or something so that you have measurable progress towards a baby-related goal. I don't recommend buying anything before you're KU, because that stuff is hard to look at if things don't go as planned. It is absolutely normal to be nervous, and to second-guess the decision. It's a major life change. I've seen a lot of people say that even though they were 100% prepared for a baby, they still had an "oh shit what have we done?!" reaction to BFP.

I would also recommend charting on www.fertilityfriend.com. Some people do that right away, and some like to try for a few months before getting technical. It gives you a sense of control over the situation.

HTH

All this. We went back and forth before taking the plunge. It's totally normal. It wasn't until we had fertility problems that I realized how much I really wanted children. You will never be truely ready. You may have the means financially, be set up emotionally, etc but once you have that little nugget he/she will always be throwing you for a loop!

All of both of these. 
I started running because I was getting so upset every month that it was a fail. Not only did running boost my mood, it gave me a nicer ass and the excuse to eat more fries Most importantly it gave me the distraction I needed and I cannot stress how important it was.
Definitely get yourself on fertility friend, it's excellent for tracking.
Anxiety over TTC is totally a thing. I did a masters degree to put it off. There is never a good time. Even when I got pregnant I didn't feel ready. When I lost it, I thought I would feel a little relieved. I don't. Just go with it, you may surprise yourself.

[Deleted]

Good luck! (Cute doggies, by the way!)