Advice needed please!

[Deleted]

So I'm 1 class away from finishing CrossFit foundations, and so far I love it. It's a physical, mental, and personal challenge. In more ways than I thought.

There's a woman at the gym who is pretty clearly the alpha dog. She's strong, fast, and has been there a really long time. Every time I've been there, she is there. She's dating one of the trainers too. The trainer she's dating is the one I've known from my other gym for a few years, he's a nice guy, supportive and friendly, and finally talked me in to coming over to check out the box. I've actually known him longer than she has. 

She hates me. It's crystal freaking clear that she's already decided to hate me. She is super friendly to the other women in classes, but I get the cold shoulder. She gives me a kind of smirky hello when I say hi, avoids eye contact with me, and whenever I'm near the trainer, she kind of slides into the conversation. Last night he was helping me with the pullup bands, and she was kind of across the mats and gestured to me to move away from him so she could talk to him. 

I am not going to let someone deter my plans, but it will be a personal challenge to me to not go off on her. I've done everything I can to be super friendly and respect her seniority, but I am not always the best at keeping in my feelings when I feel belittled or challenged. I just don't know that I want to be in a class with her. The box is SO encouraging to everyone there, cheering them on as they finish a metcon. I want that, I need that. I worry she'll be rude during a workout which will distract me from performing. I certainly don't want to completely ignore her, that'll make it worse, don't you think? 

For now the plan is to go about my business and see if she lightens up, maybe tell a hilarious story about H (I don't wear my rings to the gym), and continue with my charm offensive. Anything else I can do? Do I say something to the other trainer/owner or even the trainer I know who I consider a friend?

Wow that got long. Sorry!

[emuni04]

Yikes. I would just do my best to rise above it and be the bigger person. But I hate confrontation.

Of course, I would bitch about her to my friends and husband to let off steam

The situation stinks. I have never been able to figure out people like the woman you describe in the OP.

[Deleted]

Apr 11, 2014 9:32:10 GMT -5 emuni04 said:

Yikes. I would just do my best to rise above it and be the bigger person. But I hate confrontation.

Of course, I would bitch about her to my friends and husband to let off steam

The situation stinks. I have never been able to figure out people like the woman you describe in the OP.

I don't either I deal with it a lot, I'm a (moderately pretty?) female that works in IT, and I have mostly male friends at work. Their wives HATE me. 

[boston340]

I don't have much advice other than to echo both you and emuni04 -- I think you'll just have to keep being friendly towards her and hopefully your trainer will see what a bitch she is and dump her. I mean really, who in the world would want to date someone like that?

I'm going through a bit of a similar situation with my new boss (albeit it's not as bad as you've described). It's so frustrating!

[boston340]

I don't have much advice other than to echo both you and emuni04 -- I think you'll just have to keep being friendly towards her and hopefully your trainer will see what a bitch she is and dump her. I mean really, who in the world would want to date someone like that?

I'm going through a bit of a similar situation with my new boss (albeit it's not as bad as you've described). It's so frustrating!

[mandiespharm]

Apr 11, 2014 9:32:10 GMT -5 emuni04 said:

Yikes. I would just do my best to rise above it and be the bigger person. But I hate confrontation.

Of course, I would bitch about her to my friends and husband to let off steam

The situation stinks. I have never been able to figure out people like the woman you describe in the OP.

I think I would do exactly this. And Dont let it deter you from working out there. Stick with it.

Our box doesn't really have any women like that - we have a husband/wife duo that think they are all that and then some but it's pretty funny how she especially doesn't get that no one cares for her comments and butt slapping.

[andrealynn]

Your plan is better than what I was going to suggest, which was to buy her boyfriend flowers and chocolate covered strawberries as a thank you for all his help. lol.

[Deleted]

Apr 11, 2014 9:46:02 GMT -5 andrealynn said:

Your plan is better than what I was going to suggest, which was to buy her boyfriend flowers and chocolate covered strawberries as a thank you for all his help. lol.

I just spit coffee on my monitor. Well done!

[mainewifey]

Apr 11, 2014 9:46:02 GMT -5 andrealynn said:

Your plan is better than what I was going to suggest, which was to buy her boyfriend flowers and chocolate covered strawberries as a thank you for all his help. lol.

This one can be plan B, just incase being the bigger person doesn't work!

[Deleted]

Apr 11, 2014 9:42:10 GMT -5 boston340 said:

I don't have much advice other than to echo both you and emuni04 -- I think you'll just have to keep being friendly towards her and hopefully your trainer will see what a bitch she is and dump her. I mean really, who in the world would want to date someone like that?

I'm going through a bit of a similar situation with my new boss (albeit it's not as bad as you've described). It's so frustrating!

You got me. Her BF is so nice and friendly, I don't get it! 

But whatever. Be the Bigger Person. I can do that.

[Deleted]

Apr 11, 2014 10:22:36 GMT -5 @mn06 said:

Apr 11, 2014 9:39:10 GMT -5 @sessalee said:

I don't either I deal with it a lot, I'm a (moderately very pretty?) female that works in IT, and I have mostly male friends at work. Their wives HATE me. 

I corrected that for you; you're welcome.  

Sounds like she's jealous insecure to me.  But I would take the high road and just be yourself. There are plenty of other people that are supportive there that you can make connections with.  

ETA: Jealous wasn't the word I was looking for.  Insecure was.

 Thank you.

You're right, I'll just be me - extra nice me. 

[lovesherheels]

I agree with all the previous advice: be yourself, be nice, be the bigger person.

That's so annoying. I've had similar issues with a few of my guy friends and it's incredibly annoying.

[osulori]

Ditto everyone else. Eventually she'll pull her head out of her ass and realize that you're not trying to steal her man...or maybe she won't. Either way it's her problem.

[wambam]

Definitely stick it out and just be as nice as you can. When I was about a year into CF, a new girl joined the gym and I detested her. I thought she was so annoying and I was definitely threatened by her. She was better than me and hotter than me and I generally felt like a totally turd around her. However, over time, I realized I was the one being an ass and learned to like her. I hope she realizes she’s being an ass and treats you better.

[agswife]

Trip her.

[Deleted]

Apr 11, 2014 14:24:50 GMT -5 wambam said:

Definitely stick it out and just be as nice as you can. When I was about a year into CF, a new girl joined the gym and I detested her. I thought she was so annoying and I was definitely threatened by her. She was better than me and hotter than me and I generally felt like a totally turd around her. However, over time, I realized I was the one being an ass and learned to like her. I hope she realizes she’s being an ass and treats you better.

Thanks for the story from the other side! I wish I was hotter, or better. I am neither of these things! Just friendly with her BF. Hopefully she'll ease up on me. 

[Deleted]

Apr 11, 2014 20:28:44 GMT -5 agswife said:

Trip her.

I am not above this.

NO MUST BE THE BIGGER PERSON!

Oh the personal struggles  

[Deleted]

Update on this - the charm offensive seems to be working. She's been at least pleasant to me these last few weeks since I finished the foundations and started coming to classes. She's not warm, but at least she's not giving me the death glare. Today she said she liked my hair (I dyed it purple) because it was her favorite color. So, you know. Progress.

[texassmith]

I love you for having purple hair. And being badass enough for crossfit. I'm too skurred!

[taratru]

Try to remember it's not *you* she's worried about. She's obviously super insecure, so you just keep on keepin on, man!

[Raggedeannie]

@sessalee pics! Did you go all over purple??

[shauni27]

Apr 11, 2014 20:28:44 GMT -5 agswife said:

Trip her.

BAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAA

But really, be the bigger person, be nice, ignore her annoyingness and just keep on keeping on!  Don't let some twat get in the way of your killer workouts!

[Deleted]

Apr 30, 2014 6:37:54 GMT -5 Raggedeannie said:

@sessalee pics! Did you go all over purple??

No, mostly underneath:

[Deleted]

Apr 29, 2014 21:47:58 GMT -5 texassmith said:

I love you for having purple hair. And being badass enough for crossfit. I'm too skurred!

Don't be skurred it's SO MUCH FUN.

[libbygrl109]

LOVE IT!

[Raggedeannie]

Oh that is HOT! Love.

[Brit]

Your hair looks awesome! I have always wanted purple hair. I don't think I could get away with it at work. Were you nervous of purple hair at work? Is your company really chill? I work for a pretty conservative company. Like H (works at same place) won't wear shorts to company picnics because he has a (simple non-offensive) tattoo above one of his knees.

[Deleted]

Apr 30, 2014 14:09:52 GMT -5 Brit said:

Your hair looks awesome! I have always wanted purple hair. I don't think I could get away with it at work. Were you nervous of purple hair at work? Is your company really chill? I work for a pretty conservative company. Like H (works at same place) won't wear shorts to company picnics because he has a (simple non-offensive) tattoo above one of his knees.

Yeah I was a little nervous. So far a few side-eyes from execs but nothing has been said. We have no dress code, I've been asking for it for 3 years so they have little to nothing to stand on if they do get pissy about it. 

And thank you

[sugarbear]

Well, you could grease your hands up next time you're doing KB swings. "Oops? Sorry 'bout your nose! I didn't mean to let go!"

Or, you can suck it up and be yourself. Sure, she might feel better if you brought your DH around, but clearly she's insecure. I don't really think you can fix that.