I talked to him

[oregonpachey]

It was a very civil conversation. He agrees he needs to do more. He does want to be able to stay home with the boys. He also said he would make a doctors appt. I made him promise me a date. He gave me August 15th and said he would make improvements by then.

He said he felt chastised and I said I wanted what was best for the family and that I was sorry he felt that way.

I also asked him about depression and he says he isn't but he does have low energy.

I also said I would make a list of activities, times, places, and projects that he could do with the boys so he doesn't have to plan something on the fly.

He did get a bit defensive and asked how many activities a week would make me happy. I said that it wasn't the number necessarily but that they were getting quality time. I asked that tv be limited and he agreed saying he knows it isn't a good solution.

We will see how the next month plays out and if there is an improvement. I sure hope so.

[bunch]

Good job and good luck!

[zeewifeandmama]

Good luck to you! I cant imagine this is an easy situation!

[sewpinkgal]

Just catching up - I wish you all the best. I'm sure this can't be easy and I hope that he makes the changes that will put your mind at ease with everything. GL and keep us posted.

[cricketwife]

Good luck. I hope it gets better. Maybe once he starts doing some of these things, he'll actually enjoy it and feel better about himself and the job he's doing with the boys. It could lift him into an upward spiral, ya know?

[pitterwoo]

I really hope he can work with a helpful doctor. It really sounds like he does have something medical going on that's a barrier. Glad you were able to have a good talk.

[redheadk]

Are you on Pinterest? If so, maybe you can find some different activities he can do at home with the boys. Maybe take an afternoon and you and your DH can put together activity kits or something so that he feels like he has some ideas of fun things they can do that are simple and not necessarily messy. Maybe he's truly just stuck in a rut and not intentionally being boring? I mean, most of this stuff people come up with is not something the average person would think to do!

Either way, sounds like you had a good talk. I hope he follows through.

[theintended]

Sounds like a decent start. Good luck!

[drloretta]

I'm glad you had a good talk. Hopefully between that and the dr appt, things will improve

[aspentosh]

Glad it was a good talk. Good luck!

[faith194]

I am sorry things are rough right now(I haven't seen the OP). I just made a huge stink about dh's health, and he is finally taken control.

Hugs! I hope your DH starts taking your suggestions!

[hannamarin]

Maybe he should look into a Meetup group for Dads? It might be nice to talk to other people in the same spot.

[birdmom]

cuegly.blogspot.com/2011/09/75-kid-activities.html

This blog has some neat stuff.

[Ashley&Scott]

I'm glad you were able to have a civil & productive discussion with him.

Hopefully he will find daily/weekly activities & outings will give him more energy. It's easy to get in a slump when you're home all day every day. (This is how it was for me during ML, getting out of the house = more energy)

I hope things get better for all of you very soon!

[mmmomof2]

Not knowing the ages of your kids or your budget, there are always activities like Gymboree, swim lessons, gymnastics, etc. We go to parks almost daily, but it's nice to have classes set in stone on the calendar.

[BAMFMrsB]

Jul 13, 2012 8:59:46 GMT -5 mmmomof2 said:

Not knowing the ages of your kids or your budget, there are always activities like Gymboree, swim lessons, gymnastics, etc. We go to parks almost daily, but it's nice to have classes set in stone on the calendar.

This reminded me of my SIL. She fully admits she was desperate for "adult time" when she first started to be a SAHM. Maybe O.P.'s DH could use some other SAHM/D's to interact with on a weekly basis? I think group classes is a great way to meet others.

FWIW, I think it's good he agreed to start making changes!

[cookiemdough]

Sounds like a good start. In terms of activities, at least to me, it is easier to have someplace to go to get out of the house than to plan things in the house. Maybe once he really reduces the dependence on tv for entertainment, he will see it is actually easier to have outside activities than entertain a child at home all day.

[Ashley&Scott]

Another activity suggestion: story time at the library (it's free so MM) Our library offers this at least once a week, maybe twice...maybe your local library does it too?

[dutchgirl678]

Just now checking in. My DH is similar in that when he has the kids the easiest thing for him to do is to turn on the TV and let them watch. We both work but this week daycare was closed so he had them for two days and I for three. He did take them to the mall though or shopping, just to get out of the house. But I met up with a girlfriend one day to take the kids to a playground. We also spend a lot of time walking around at the zoo. Could you get a family membership? That would be a great way for the kids to see and do things and release some energy and for your husband to get some physical exercise.

I think in addition he needs some adult time when you are home. Does he work out at all? Does he have a gym membership?

I agree with finding a library to take the kids to story time. There are lots of other activities in town for kids, either free or for a small fee. If he is going to be the SAHD he needs to step it up and make it fun for them and himself.

[livinitup]

Jul 12, 2012 21:23:26 GMT -5 oregonpachey said:

I also said I would make a list of activities, times, places, and projects that he could do with the boys so he doesn't have to plan something on the fly.

He did get a bit defensive and asked how many activities a week would make me happy. I said that it wasn't the number necessarily but that they were getting quality time. I asked that tv be limited and he agreed saying he knows it isn't a good solution.

We will see how the next month plays out and if there is an improvement. I sure hope so.

Ouch. This isn't an afterthought. This is the whole issue. BIG TIME.

[slug*bug]

I'm glad you did it: I'm hopeful for you...you're in a tough spot, for sure, but it sounds like it went well.

Jul 13, 2012 8:20:51 GMT -5 birdmom said:

cuegly.blogspot.com/2011/09/75-kid-activities.html

This blog has some neat stuff.

Thanks for posting this, birdmom: those are some really cute ideas!

[thedash]

I'm glad the talk went well. Good luck.