What do you wish was included in your divorce decree?

[kanga1]

So often on here I see issues because things weren't specified in the decree, specifically regarding children. What are some things you wish were in your decree that you didn't realize until now?

[helpinghands]

Apr 15, 2014 9:49:01 GMT -5 mp said:

I didn't check the box to change my name back and I wish I had.

So you can't change your name back???

I never changed my name, so I didn't have to worry about that, but that would make me sad to not be able to change it back.  

[helpinghands]

Apr 15, 2014 9:57:59 GMT -5 mp said:

Apr 15, 2014 9:56:19 GMT -5 helpinghands said:

So you can't change your name back???

I never changed my name, so I didn't have to worry about that, but that would make me sad to not be able to change it back.  

The process to do it is just a lot of paperwork now... Sigh. I don't feel like dealing.

I'm sorry about that.  

[prettyinpearls]

It’s since been resolved, but my original divorce judgment didn’t include a specific location where our exchanges of B would take place. I was tired of chasing XH all over the state of Michigan each time he moved, so when we were in court for him wanting full custody of B, I made sure that a specific location was added to our judgment.

I wish I had a date in there that XH needed to tell me his summer vacation dates by. He gets 2 non-consecutive weeks each summer and he always drags ass in letting me know when he’s taking B for those two weeks. I’m a planner and he’s a fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants kind of guy and that just doesn’t work for me when it comes to the logistics of having a child.

[gozf]

Apr 15, 2014 9:57:59 GMT -5 mp said:

Apr 15, 2014 9:56:19 GMT -5 helpinghands said:

So you can't change your name back???

I never changed my name, so I didn't have to worry about that, but that would make me sad to not be able to change it back.  

The process to do it is just a lot of paperwork now... Sigh. I don't feel like dealing.

this is exactly me.  I use my maiden name socially, but legally, it's still the married one.

Sometimes, Thor is like, "Is it weird for you that we live together, but you legally have your ex husband's name? Sometimes it's weird for me."

I really need to get on that.

[katiecj]

I wish we had defined our meeting location more clearly. It's a little ambiguous now and we argue about it, but technically I guess we are both right.

Otherwise, I'm pretty happy with it. We aren't really following it right now because my exFI only has supervised visits. I've been coordinating with my exMIL who supervised the visits.

[btay]

Apr 15, 2014 10:19:11 GMT -5 gozf said:

Apr 15, 2014 9:57:59 GMT -5 mp said:

The process to do it is just a lot of paperwork now... Sigh. I don't feel like dealing.

this is exactly me.  I use my maiden name socially, but legally, it's still the married one.

Sometimes, Thor is like, "Is it weird for you that we live together, but you legally have your ex husband's name? Sometimes it's weird for me."

I really need to get on that.

 I was planning on just keeping my married name, because I am lazy and don't want to change it.  I never thought that a future guy might find it weird.  Crap.

[spindle92]

Apr 15, 2014 10:41:06 GMT -5 btay said:

Apr 15, 2014 10:19:11 GMT -5 gozf said:

this is exactly me.  I use my maiden name socially, but legally, it's still the married one.

Sometimes, Thor is like, "Is it weird for you that we live together, but you legally have your ex husband's name? Sometimes it's weird for me."

I really need to get on that.

 I was planning on just keeping my married name, because I am lazy and don't want to change it.  I never thought that a future guy might find it weird.  Crap.

Put it in your decree. You do not have to change it but you never know how you may feel down the road, so atleast having the option will make things easier in the future.

[Mrs.Rad888]

Apr 15, 2014 11:00:57 GMT -5 spindle92 said:

Apr 15, 2014 10:41:06 GMT -5 btay said:

 I was planning on just keeping my married name, because I am lazy and don't want to change it.  I never thought that a future guy might find it weird.  Crap.

Put it in your decree. You do not have to change it but you never know how you may feel down the road, so atleast having the option will make things easier in the future.

That's what I did. I wasn't sure if I wanted to change it back, so the judge put it in there in case I decided to do it later. I was going to, because I hated the name even when I still loved the guy, but in the end I never did change it. DH wasn't weirded out by me having XH's last name, it got changed to his soon enough.

[pinkdutchtulips]

my mom was one of those who checked the box to restore her maiden name but she never did. she kept her married name bc of us kids. when she remarried 10 years later, she changed it to her new husband's name. thankfully he wasn't weirded out by the fact that she had her xh's last name when he met her.

interesting note - bc she never changed her name back, when my dad married my stepmom, she held onto her maiden name, not bc she wanted to but bc my dad has business connections going WAY back and any mention of a Mrs. R would trigger a response of "how's L" not "how's S (my stepmom)" so she kept it until my mom remarried and was no longer going by Ms. R.

i never changed mine to begin w/. one less thing to worry about !

[naeljun]

I wish the term "to remain open" was omitted from mine. At first I wish I had put in the no-cohabitation thing but I'm over that now.

[sacattack]

I wish:
1. I had put in an earlier date re: picking summer weeks, as ours is May 1 and that's super late for camp sign up.
2. I had documented what is day care vs. school. EX-H is claims after school care is "school" so we have to split the cost.
3. Put in something about the other parent getting first right of refusal for care over 2 or 3 hours.

[kaneen]

Apr 15, 2014 9:49:01 GMT -5 mp said:

I didn't check the box to change my name back and I wish I had.

I checked the damn box and the judge crossed it out and wrote, "denied".  To this day, I don't know why and it turned out being a real pain in the ass to legally change my name back after the fact.

[onedayatatime]

Apr 15, 2014 11:06:19 GMT -5 Mrs.Rad888 said:

Apr 15, 2014 11:00:57 GMT -5 spindle92 said:

Put it in your decree. You do not have to change it but you never know how you may feel down the road, so atleast having the option will make things easier in the future.

That's what I did. I wasn't sure if I wanted to change it back, so the judge put it in there in case I decided to do it later. I was going to, because I hated the name even when I still loved the guy, but in the end I never did change it. DH wasn't weirded out by me having XH's last name, it got changed to his soon enough.

This is great, I thought I would have to decide in the next couple months if it will be apart of the divorce. Still being early in the process the thought of changing my name right now makes me stressed out - but I like that I could put it in the decree and decide later.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[kanga1]

Apr 15, 2014 13:18:36 GMT -5 naeljun said:

I wish the term "to remain open" was omitted from mine. At first I wish I had put in the no-cohabitation thing but I'm over that now.

Where was the term "to remain open" used?

[kanga1]

Apr 15, 2014 13:52:02 GMT -5 kaneen said:

Apr 15, 2014 9:49:01 GMT -5 mp said:

I didn't check the box to change my name back and I wish I had.

I checked the damn box and the judge crossed it out and wrote, "denied".  To this day, I don't know why and it turned out being a real pain in the ass to legally change my name back after the fact.

WTF??? That is so bizarre!

[sweetchix]

Apr 15, 2014 13:42:29 GMT -5 sacattack said:

I wish:
1. I had put in an earlier date re: picking summer weeks, as ours is May 1 and that's super late for camp sign up.
2. I had documented what is day care vs. school. EX-H is claims after school care is "school" so we have to split the cost.
3. Put in something about the other parent getting first right of refusal for care over 2 or 3 hours.

Definitley #3. We have this in ours but it's a lifer period of time. However, XH and I talked about it the first time he had to go out of town for work and agreed on the side that we'd go to the other parent for anything over 24 hours. We did this verbally and I wish the shorter period of time was in our agreement.

[mel]

I wish I would have changed my name back and I wish I would have pushed harder for primary custody. Joint custody is working for us now but sometimes I wish that I had more control over the things ds is exposed to.

[Deleted]

I don't wish I changed my name since it would have been a huge legal hassle and I'm getting married soon, but I hate seeing my married name on things now. We're buying a house and my original married name will be on the deed since we won't be married until after closing. Similarly, if I were having a formal wedding, it would be weird to have my married name on invitations. That kinda thing. When I was first widowed it didn't bother me, but over time I've progressively disliked it more as my identity has shifted away from being his wife.

[melmel48]

Apr 15, 2014 9:57:59 GMT -5 mp said:

Apr 15, 2014 9:56:19 GMT -5 helpinghands said:

So you can't change your name back???

I never changed my name, so I didn't have to worry about that, but that would make me sad to not be able to change it back.  

The process to do it is just a lot of paperwork now... Sigh. I don't feel like dealing.

That stinks! 

[melmel48]

Apr 15, 2014 16:32:56 GMT -5 kanga1 said:

Apr 15, 2014 13:52:02 GMT -5 kaneen said:

I checked the damn box and the judge crossed it out and wrote, "denied".  To this day, I don't know why and it turned out being a real pain in the ass to legally change my name back after the fact.

WTF??? That is so bizarre!

This is insane! I don't get it..... What a thing to deny.