New Mom Words of Comfort

[sewpinkgal]

In honor of Pugz and all the other soon to be new moms on this board:

What were things that people told you when you were in the throws of that crazy newborn period that were comforting to hear? Maybe they'll ring true for some of the women here, too.

For me, I remember calling my local BFing support center when I knew things just weren't working with nursing. My nips were cracked and bleeding, J's latch didn't seem right and I had been on the verge of tears for days. The LC that answered listened to the problem and before she said anything else stated "Honey, you're a good mom just by calling and trying to get things on track. We're gonna get this all sorted out."

And then I bawled. LOL

There was something so thoughtful about that statement because even though I didn't say it, I sure was thinking that somehow I was failing J in the beginning.

What about you?

[Deleted]

You will hurt your baby and make them cry and feel like the worst mom in the world. You aren't. Sooner or later, everyone walks their little head into a door or cuts a fingernail too short or pinches a bit of skin in a zipper or something else that you never planned to do.

You will hate your husband. Especially in the middle of the night when he's sleeping. Or when he just doesn't get how hard this is. It might happen in the early days, or it might take a few months. You'll get over it. Try not to tell him how you feel.

Caring enough to agonize over decisions is probably a sign that you are a great parent. No matter what you decide.

[sewpinkgal]

Jul 13, 2012 11:57:25 GMT -5 farmvillelover said:

Oh God this brings me back to that first 2 weeks and I actually teared up reading this sewpink.

Every time a new mom posts, I get such a visceral reaction and just want to reach through the screen and give them a big ol hug. I know we had similar difficult experiences, so I know you get me on this. Heh.

[thedash]

A good friend told me, "I know it seems like this will never end, but just when you're at complete exhaustion and overwhelmed LO will smile at you and sleep for 5 hours. Then you'll know that it's all going to be OK."

[auberge]

IT WILL GET BETTER!!!

My milk didn't come in until the 5/6th day and everyone was stressing me out about starting formula. I had a horrible trying to get him to latch on. I was sore and crying. I was depressed thinking what have I done to my perfectly normal/fun household.

We had a lactation nurse come to our house and she looked at me and said "if you can make it week 4/5 with breastfeeding, it will get better and chances are you will continue for as long as you want. You can do it!!!"

I swear in the middle of week 5, I felt so much better. We got the hang of breastfeeding, he was sleeping better and things started to feel ok.

With time, everything (not just bfing) gets better.

[jenny1223]

As much as I hated people telling me this at the time, it really does get better at 3 months. At 3 months he just turned into such a little person not a parasite who's sole goal was drain me of all my energy. 3 months seemed so far away at the time but looking back it really is a short period of time.

[Deleted]

EVERYTHING is a phase. ALL of it will pass.

It also made me feel better to know that a lot of their personality is predetermined. I'm not TOTALLY responsible. Some of it is just that they are who they are.

[starlily]

Forget what "they" say & trust your instinct.

[jenny1223]

Jul 13, 2012 12:36:56 GMT -5 starlily said:

Forget what "they" say & trust your instinct.

This! So much this! I stressed myself out so much by trying to follow this "method" or that and reading all the books that had been recommended. I felt like a failure when everything didn't go exactly how the book said it should. Once I relaxed and did what worked for us and what felt right, we were all much happier.

[thatgirl2478]

OMG - EVERYTHING in this post is spot on! I just wanna reach through the screen and give all the new moms hugs - it's sooooo different and just knowing that it does get better and phases pass is worth it's weight in gold.

[thatgirl2478]

Oh and someone told me 'bad moms don't worry that they are / aren't doing everything the can for the health/safety/comfort of the child.

[lintscreen]

One of my friends told me that it's ok if you don't immediately fall head over heals in love with your child.

When I had DS it was like, "ok, he's cute and I like him", but I didn't have that that whole feeling of "this is the greatest thing that has ever/will ever happen to me" right away. He took a while to grow on me..and I'm not a bad mother for feeling that way.

[hannamarin]

I was overfeeding my baby to the point of reflux. The doctor told me, I teared up and he said "you are a good Mom. You were feeding your baby and you noticed she wasnt happy"
Also, my bff always said "when you think you are failing, remember crackheads have babies and they manage. We have to be doing better thsn them"

[jr009j]

Sometimes it doesn't matter if you've done everything right, babies are going to cry. Don't judge your parenting on whether your baby cries.

[huey]

Jul 13, 2012 12:36:56 GMT -5 starlily said:

Forget what "they" say & trust your instinct.

I agree wholeheartedly with this too!

And I always tell myself - There isn't a 10 year old that still does X or Y. Eventually LO will figure whatever milestone out. (whether it's rolling or finding their feet, etc)

And the best one I got from my sister when LO wasn't gaining weight in the beginning - We need to give babies more credit. They won't let themselves starve and will let you know when something is wrong. That was a huge relief for me.

Good luck to all the new mamas! It is so challenging but rewarding. And before long, you'll be 6 months or 12 months in and wonder how you made it through and how the hell it went so fast.

[bunch]

I vented here about how much I hated bfing and everyone told me it got so much better. I still swear I might have quit if they didn't.

[ohgillian]

One friend emailed me that the first month with her daughter was "brutal." Another told me, "What you're doing right now -- this is NOT what motherhood is about, I promise you." Both of those were extremely comforting.

[badtzmaru22]

Give the BFing 6 weeks. Don't worry about anything else but eating so the baby can eat. Just keep going, and at the end of the six weeks, you'll realize it has actually been going ok.

[DarcyLongfellow]

When I was crying on the phone about DD's sleeping (she has always been an awful sleeper), one of my best friends told me, "her sleep isn't a straight line from newborn who never sleeps to adult who sleeps through the night. Her sleep will get better and worse in fits and starts, but it will always be gradually getting better."

It sounds silly, but that seriously saved my sanity when my tiny newborn wouldn't sleep AND when my 4 month old was waking up every two hours! (And 18 months and just starting to sleep through the night!)

OH -- and I almost forgot. Our nurse in the hospital told me that sometimes I would need to take care of myself first and that that was okay. Seriously saved me so many times. I felt like I couldn't leave her to pee (because she would scream the whole time), so knowing that I had to take care of myself first helped me to do the things I needed to do!

[oukapu]

When I started mad men and breaking bad Netflix marathons, things got so much better. I would rotate between three room and just watch episode after episode as she slept and ate.

I also felt better when I did my hair and makeup in the morning.

[hannamarin]

Single mothers (whether through deployment, death or breakups) really impress me. I leaned on my H a lot.

[loskadoodle]

Thanks for this post. Ds is 2weeks old and honestly and easy baby and things are still hard/scary/crazy! I'm trying to enjoy this time but sometimes you just want to sleep!

[pugz]

these were all super encouraging, some made me cry. I will bookmark for next time I'm having a rough day Today should be a better day, we got some great sleep last night and my neighbor is coming over to clean

[zeewifeandmama]

This post is so great!! I didnt really get any words of comfort, but boy could I have used some!

[chickadee77]

Bookmarking for when my time comes. Thanks, ladies - I feel like I should know this stuff intellectually, but that's not the same as hearing/reading it. I know I'll be revisiting this one!

[curbsideprophet]

If people offer to help, let them. You do not need to do everything yourself.

It does get easier. The first two weeks were rough, but eventually it got better. There were times I thought trying to breastfeed was harder than giving birth without pain meds, but we got through it.