True Life: The Benjamins

[mollybrown]

It seems like there are lots of ASD moms on the board, so you might be interested in this episode of True Life (MTV).  It was about 2 brothers on the spectrum and their journey towards independence.  It was only 30 minutes, and really only focused on the present.  I would have liked to have heard from their parents (or them) more about what kinds of therapies they'd had, but oh well.

Personally, this episode terrified me.  Having my 20 something son still dependent on me and living at home is my worst nightmare.  They both seemed "high functioning" in terms of language, self-care, and intelligence, but they clearly had a ton of social issues.  It was interesting to see them working on conversation skills that my 5 year old is working on right now.

[kkfeb04]

I haven't seen the episode but I have known lots of people that just didn't want to move out of mommy and daddy's house. One woman moved out in 2010, almost 8 full months AFTER she bought a house with her boyfriend. She was 35 and not on the spectrum.

I can't worry about what my son will be like in 20 years because it is just too far.

[craftyone]

I didn't see the episode, but I do worry what the future holds for my DS and life after school. Will he be independent enough to live on his own or in a group home. Will he have to live with us. Will I have to take care of him until I'm old and grey. Will his brothers have to help take care of him. It's hard but I do worry for his future. I hope that in 15 years more programs will be in place and luckily I have quite a bit of time to prepare.

[auntie]

Apr 27, 2014 15:08:22 GMT -5 mollybrown said:

Personally, this episode terrified me.  Having my 20 something son still dependent on me and living at home is my worst nightmare.  They both seemed "high functioning" in terms of language, self-care, and intelligence, but they clearly had a ton of social issues.  It was interesting to see them working on conversation skills that my 5 year old is working on right now.

Here's a link to a preview of the show.

www.mtv.com/videos/misc/1023275/true-life-presents-the-benjamins-sneak-peek.jhtml

I guess I'm living your worst nightmare. My 20-something son lives with me and is still very dependent. He has Aspergers, as well as ADHD, GAD and remediated dyslexia. ASD is a developmental delay that impacts social and maturity and social communication. DS's specific dx gives him a delay in social and emotional maturity that is about 1/3 his chronological age- he brings the strengths and weaknesses of someone closer to 16 than 21. TBH, it's harder for him to navigate the mainstream world with the socioemotional bandwidth of high school sophomore than any inconvenience I might bear as a result.

The term "high functioning" only means that a persons with autism does not have an intellectual disability (they have an IQ >70)- it has nothing to do with adaptive skills or even speech. Ironically, one of the most independent people with ASD I know has ID- she lives with her husband in a condo owned by a trust created by her in-laws. She works part time and they draw SSI. They manage most of their day-to-day lives with some help with money management, driving and overseeing medical care. 

DS is a terrific young man. He earned the rank of Eagle Scout without accommodations. He has traveled internationally with his scout troop and high school band. He'll graduate from the local community college in a couple weeks, with honors and transfers to my alma mater next fall. Yeah, he's behind his peers in terms of learning to drive (the stuff of my nightmares) and he's not had a first real job yet. But he's not given me some of the drama his peers have either. He's not gotten anyone pregnant, he's not flunked out of school because he's been out drinking and doing weed every night and the cops haven't turned up looking for him.

FWIW, my niece also lives with me; she's 33 and has a masters. She's living rent-free while paying down her ridiculous student loans. Her mom died and her dad's an idiot which has left huge gaps in her skill set as an adult. Last month I helped her go through the process of buying her first new car, last night DH worked with her to create a spread sheet that illustrated how ineffective a minimum payment strategy is on long term debt. 

[hopecounts]

Living at home in your 20s is not that unusual any more, and it was honestly only odd from around the 60s upto the early 2000s. Before that it was very common for those in their 20s to live at home until marriage, and even to some extent after marriage depending on regional specifics. So that part is definitely not something I stress about.
I am at peace with the fact that independence and successful will likely look different for DD, my goal is to help her reach the highest level of both she can and we'll go from there.

And living at home in your early 20s isn't necessarily a bad thing. My oldest brother did it while he went to vocational tech school for welding. He has an LD (and he has some tendencies that are spectrumish) so my Mom helped him a lot. He is now the most financially successful of all of us kids, he has reached master status and since he is single he puts in for a lot of the travel and longer times away jobs which are more lucrative.

Long story short, don't borrow trouble and just focus on helping your son be the most he can be at each stage.

[gnorah]

I can't worry about what may or may not happen in the future. I just can't - there's enough to worry about right in front of me. All I can do make sure he has access to whatever resources I can find to help him develop the skills he needs to be successful. The rest is up to him...

[mollybrown]

It's great that so many of you have moved past the stage where I am now. I hope to get there one day. Right now, I have a ton of anxiety about my son not just living with me into his twenties, but living in my basement FOREVER. I'm doing what I can now and he's doing fabulously. So it's terrifying to think that I can do my best and still have DS chilling with me in my retirement home. I can't be the only parent with these fears, so I hope that this board can be a safe place to talk about it.

Anyway, I hope some others are able to catch the show. It was interesting, albeit too short given the topic IMO.