Question About Use Your Words

[Deleted]

I always tell DS3 to use his words, but what do you do when the other child doesn't listen?

DS3 has taken to biting DS1 when DS3 says stop and DS1 carries on.

I can punish DS1 but what do I do when something like this happens at school? What alternatives would you teach DS3

[cricketwife]

Who's biting whom? Why are you punishing DS1 if DS3 is biting?

[Deleted]

Jul 14, 2012 13:35:43 GMT -5 cricketwife said:

Who's biting whom? Why are you punishing DS1 if DS3 is biting?

DS1 will put DS3 in a headlock. DS3 will say stop. DS1 won't. DS1 is bitten by DS3

[liveintheville]

Jul 14, 2012 14:15:37 GMT -5 @septimus said:

Jul 14, 2012 13:35:43 GMT -5 cricketwife said:

Who's biting whom? Why are you punishing DS1 if DS3 is biting?

DS1 will put DS3 in a headlock. DS3 will say stop. DS1 won't. DS1 is bitten by DS3

Is this the only scenario ds3 bites? If so I figure ds1 will learn to listen to him or continue to be bitten.

[Deleted]

Jul 14, 2012 14:25:39 GMT -5 liveintheville said:

Jul 14, 2012 14:15:37 GMT -5 @septimus said:

DS1 will put DS3 in a headlock. DS3 will say stop. DS1 won't. DS1 is bitten by DS3

Is this the only scenario ds3 bites? If so I figure ds1 will learn to listen to him or continue to be bitten.

Yes these scenarios are the only time he bites, I can't blame him, but I want to encourage him to use his words but not sure DS1 listens (They both get in trouble)

[liveintheville]

Jul 14, 2012 14:44:32 GMT -5 @septimus said:

Jul 14, 2012 14:25:39 GMT -5 liveintheville said:

Is this the only scenario ds3 bites? If so I figure ds1 will learn to listen to him or continue to be bitten.

Yes these scenarios are the only time he bites, I can't blame him, but I want to encourage him to use his words but not sure DS1 listens (They both get in trouble)

I have no idea, honestly. And you must have the patience of a saint to deal with 3 boys and a teenage sd. My 2 boys are only 4 and 2 and they're constantly wrestling. I imagine it only gets worse.

[schrodinger]

I think you're doing the right thing. I'd punish both of them, but be clear about why. Explain to DS3 that he's in trouble for biting, and explain to DS1 that he's in trouble for not listening. SD's are 8 and almost 6. We went through this a lot when they were 5 & 3. Its calmed quite a bit, but they still escalate sometimes.

One other thing we do (they each have separate rooms) is give them a chance to "cool off" if they are getting to wound up. They aren't in trouble, but they need to find something to do in their room (alone) until they are ready to play nicely. This usually lasts about 10-15 minutes before they want to play together again. SD2 is now pretty good about recognizing her tipping point and will go to her room without us saying anything.

[h]

I have two boys, and we have these kind of issues a lot. I would firmly tell DS3 "no biting," separate the the kids, then talk to DS1 about the listening issues. I find that trying to get DS1 on our team by acting kind of conspiratorial versus adversarial seems to work best, so I would tell him something like "you know how we are working really hard on getting DS3 to use his words so he doesn't do things like bite us instead? It is really important that we all do our best to listen to his words no matter what so that he will learn...blah, blah." DS1 has heard more than once that everyone in the family is responsible for helping to teach the youngest how to act. I would also give each kid whatever consequence normally comes with biting or not listening in your house. Or, if you do reward charts (my kids do really well with reward charts), then put "listening to you siblings" on DS1's and "using your words" on DS3's so that they are rewarded for that behavior.

[GailGoldie]

not sure of the ages.

If my 5yo does something mean to one of his brothers (3yos) and they, in turn, hurt him back - i will tell him "too bad, that's what happens when you do xyz to your brother"

and vice versa... for instance, gibby loves to kick griffin in the car... i have told Griffin it's OK to kick gibby back- which makes him stop doing it.

sometimes you are just gonna get hurt- and you need to learn what will happen when you act like an asshole to your siblings.

[barefootcontessa]

I use the same language with my boys and tell them to come get me if they need help. So if one brother is not listening that is when someone might come get me. In the case of your son being in a headlock, he cannot come get you. I think the older boy deserves the bite for not respecting his brother's wishes -- like Goldie said.