Six weeks is the peak of fussiness even for easy babies. It will get better fairly soon. My first screamed 3-4 hours each evening and everyone said its just witching hours. My H kept saying this cant be normal but everyone said it was so I just forged ahead. By 12 weeks it was better for sure. We still had issues if I worked late because of her need to comfort nurse each evening but by 6 months even that ended.
Having a second kid was enlightening. His witching hour lasted 30 min each night. He didn't require an elaborate bedtime routine and he woke to eat and went straight to sleep. But even he was fussier from about 3-7 weeks.
Once your baby sleeps through the night you will feel completely human again. It really is life altering. Time moves so slowly with the first newborn but it will get better soon.
I have had one difficult and one pretty easy newborn and I still think the newborn phase completely sucks. Hang in there!
I think one of the reasons I'm enjoying the NB stage with #2 is because I don't let the crying/fussy fits stress me out. Babies cry, fuss, sleep, poop, sometimes smile. I just KOKO. With #1 I was pretty sure I'd ruined my life until maybe 15-18M. If he cried in public it would really be stressful. This time I'm like, meh babies cry.
Hang in there.
I don't have #2 yet, but I think this will be my experience as well. I remember 18 months being a turning point for me. By 22 months, I loved being a mom.
I feel like we have a few months on, a few months off. Newborn was simple, I could take him anywhere I could feed him. 2 months old - he was fussy all the time 4 months old, he loved everything and wanted to see new things, so we were always out 6 months old he was afraid of new people especially men. So even having guests over was stressful
Etc etc etc
Now, 22 months, it's stressful because when we're out he doesn't want to sit in his stroller, ride in a shopping cart, hold hands, be worn, or be carried. All those things cause fits and clearly I can't let him run free through a grocery store while I shop.
Post by teatimefor2 on Apr 30, 2014 6:46:35 GMT -5
My dad read an article when I had DS that it takes the average new mother to feel comfortable being a mom four months and 23 days. No idea how they came up with that number.
I think for us it was about 2.5 months. DS was a fairly easy baby who slept well and I had a fabulous network on new moms from my birthing group to connect with that helped so so much.
Everyone told me having a newborn was hard. So when it was really freaking hard, I just accepted it. Dd1 is... high strung. She screamed and freaked out at every sudden or loud noise including sirens that are going down the street when you're inside, vacuum cleaner, sneezes, nose blowing, coughs, toilet flushes, beep on the microwave. Those made her freak out until about 18mo, some of them longer. She had colic. She screamed from 4-9 everyday.
The good news is that bit by bit it does get better. And not all babies are like that (my other two weren't! Or not to that extreme) so some people really do have it easier even though they are not essentially doing anything "better" or more right than you are.
Also, when I see a new mom struggling in public, I feel nothing but sympathy. We all had to learn sometime what worked for us and your baby crying doesn't really even register compared to the screening fit my 4yo is capable of. Heck, your newborn cries are tiny and cute to outsiders, so really don't worry about it.
This is so true. Last week she had a meltdown inside the very quiet bank. The teller was all "OMG,I love that sound! Newborn cries!" lol
I was pretty sure I wasn't cut out to be a mom until DS was about 6 months old. The feeding issues, the nightly screamfests-it.was.awful. Each day on ML, I didn't give a shit how I looked, but damn it we were getting out of the house. It made me feel like I accomplished something and there was something about being outside that made DS calm the hell down.
Let go of expectations. I promise you-people who appear to have it together are probably feeling just like you are. It gets better, I promise. I went back to work at 8w and that "break" gave me more patience to deal with the colicky evenings. I could plan out how we were going to get something done, even if it was just to get to the mall and walk laps.
I'd say up until 6 months flat out sucked, 6-12 months was OK, and 12+ months has been great. We got out more than most do I think, just because it made ME feel better, even if it was only for 15 minutes. I remember laughing about how sad my life had become-I was literally planning the logistics of doing a 1 mile walk because that's all we had time for after I was done BFing, pumping, and changing a diaper before it was time to start the process all over again.
ETA: One more thing. There is NOTHING WRONG with letting your kid cry while you are in the shower. Put them in a crib and go. Once you realize that they aren't going to die from crying (I'm exaggerating here, but I remember the feeling of having to attend to every cry), things start getting a bit easier.
If DS had been #1 instead of #2, I'm pretty sure he'd be an only. Just saying. DS was miserable in those early weeks, and I don't know how I would have handled it if he were my first. Hang in there mama - it gets easier and then fun!
The only way I got my infant to nap during the day at all was if we were out pushing him around. If we were home he was screaming and fussy. Out he was almost always an angel, so we were out somewhere almost every afternoon. Don't compare yourself to others. Every baby is different.
Post by browneyedgirl9 on Apr 30, 2014 7:35:01 GMT -5
I can totally relate to you! We did not venture out too often with DS in those early weeks. He hated his car seat and would cry and cry.
I started by joining a new mom's group, so that I had somewhere to go each week. They all had babies around the same age so crying wasnt a big deal to them. It felt good to get out at lease one day a week, and interact with other moms. It made my life start to feel "normal" again.
It will get better!! DS (4 months next week) does much better out on outings now, but still has a melt down at times. For us its all about planning and choosing the right time of day to venture out. It also helps that he is in daycare now so he is getting use to other people and noise.
We JUST started going out to eat with him 2 weeks ago...and by "out to eat" I mean Friendlys and IHOP where it would be loud enough that if he started to fuss the whole place wouldnt glare at us.
We lived in the city when DS was born, so "getting out" was super easy and a necessity, bc I couldn't keep two large dogs cooped up in a TH all day. the necessity aspect of it made it easier, bc oh well, you're crying? we have to go for a walk anyway bc the dogs are going nuts.
But really ditto pps. Every baby is different and every parent is different. your comfort level is different than others, and your parenting style is different, and your baby is different. Don't compare yourself to other parents, because you deal with a different baby. I'm not saying you should not TRY to get out of the house necessarily, but it's also perfectly okay that you don't feel up to it for whatever reason yet.
My mom told me that the only reason she went places with my sister (the oldest) was bc the only time my sister stopped crying was in the car. so they drove ALL THE TIME. So someone might think "wow she was out all the time" but really, it was just about survival for my mom. She could not stay at home and veg on the couch bc that was a billion times worse (my sister had colic). so just bc these parents are out and about all the time doesnt mean that its easier for them. I think I had some PPD issues and for me, being out made me feel better. For some people the opposite is true.
finally your baby is still very little. In some cultures you are encouraged to relax and recover from childbirth for weeks and arent expected to be out and about. so think of this time as a bit of a lying-in period :-)
Post by urbancowgirl on Apr 30, 2014 7:47:43 GMT -5
Your situation sounds similar to what we experienced with DS. He was so fussy whenever we left the house and it took me months to feel comfortable taking him out. I remember being envious of parents with babies sleeping soundly in restaurants. I don't think DS has ever slept in public! It got easier at 3.5 months and by 5 months he was like a different baby. Big hugs and hang in there!
Post by jeaniebueller on Apr 30, 2014 7:48:34 GMT -5
6 months, it got much easier. He had more predictable eating and sleeping times. Then it gets harder from about 15 months-2 years. They are in the phase where they are walking, but can't really walk places with you, they can't really communicate effectively, etc. Lots of tantrums. Now at age 5, DS is easy street.
It is freaking hard. I also had a colicky baby and hated ML. He screamed the whole time and I never bonded with him. I have said it a million times but it took until he was 6 months old until I really started to bond and actually like him ( I know that sounds harsh). At about a year it was a whole different ball game.
I think my anxiety about being a new mom manifested itself differently then a lot. I HAD to get out of the house. The thought of being inside all day with him crying made me literally shake. I spent a lot time pushing him in the stoller in Target, the mall, or just outside with him screaming but to me that was better then being inside. I had a really hard time altering my life to fit a new baby so I tried to do everything I use to like always making sure my house was clean, I was teaching part time and being on a routine. In hindsight, I should have just let a lot of that go and been easier on myself for the first couple months.
All that so say, just do what you can. Eveyrone struggles but it just figuring out what are the small things that will make it better for you. Who cares if you haven't showered. Go out for a walk or to Target. Meet a friend with a new baby. They are struggling just like you - they just may be putting on a brave face. I don't know anyone who doesn't struggle a little bit with a new baby.
Post by dancingirl21 on Apr 30, 2014 8:19:33 GMT -5
Yep. People would think we were weird for really not taking J anywhere until he was about 6 months old. But he would be fine one minute and completely lose it the next. Now that he's 9 months, we can pretty much take him anywhere and he just looks around. Good luck, I know exactly what you are feeling right now!
I was very lucky to have an easy baby + help from my parents and MIL and still the first month was rough. A couple times when I thought about going out I thought it's not worth it, it takes me two hours to get us out the door.
Around 6 weeks I remember feeling a little more confident. It was January in the Northeast so we were pretty cooped up. Things that helped - showering every day while someone was there, taking my dog for a walk by myself while someone watched baby. I would also take him to visit our parents, brothers and close friends. So not really out - but just out of our house. Then eventually I got more comfortable doing things like going to the mall (where Nordstrom has a nice lounge where I could BF as needed), grocery shopping (there's all old people in the store during the day and they love babies!), quick trips to Target (and with the baby seat in the stroller less room to fill the carriage). Really nothing that was too far away and that we wouldn't be gone for too long.
So I think at this point you're doing great! And once you get out and do it a couple times it becomes your new normal! You will know what you need in your diaper bag, how your baby does in different environments, how long you can stay out and figure out what works best.
Life literally turned around for us when he was 6 months old. Suddenly he could sit up in his stroller and stay awake for like 4 hours ( so we could go to the zoo and lunch! OMG!) He was a really fussy baby and is a very particular 2.5 year old. He DID not sleep on the go, needed to be in his RnP to sleep and ate medical formula so feeding him on the run was a bit crazy ( I had to lug the big tub with us everywhere. )
He is now a very active little guy who loves to go out. Hang in there. It gets better slowly, but surely.
Honestly I have rarely taken the baby out during maternity leave. He too can go from smiling to crying in 2 seconds, doesnt nap well and eats constantly. I am an introvert and find it super stressful when he gets upset in public, so I just try to avoid it. However being home all the time has not bothered me as much as I thought it would. I found having a routine at home to be really helpful. It also doesnt hurt that DS loves the sound of water so I am able to take a nice shower everyday. Also I tend to plan out the week on Sunday and try to do one thing each day, like a walk, take him to the gym (have a unique situation, its a small place where i can either bring him into class or put him in the daycare but i know everyone there), or one store for 30 minutes max. I also try to do one thing each night by myself, even if it is just go to cvs. In the past two weeks it has gotten easier, as he is finally able to go two hours between feeds.
Just wondering when I can reasonably expect life to normalize a little bit. It seems strange to me that people I know who had babies around the same time as us are always out and about, at restaurants, going shopping, etc with their babies and a good day for me is putting on a clean pair of underwear. It's not me, I feel great and love being a mom, but I have a fussy kid who goes from cooing and smiling to hellacious screaming in .3 seconds. Showering during the day and leaving the house don't seem all that possible. I do it when I have to (pedi appts, etc), but I don't know how "everyone else" is doing it. When does life start to feel normal again?
I was out and about too - but in an almost dangerous fog of exhaustion. I was moving through the world but it was like it was just going on around me. Things aren't always what they seem! lol. I also went to a weekly breastfeeding support group and that made me leave the house. And the members used to coax each other out on other days.
I really didn't go out when I was on ML and I had a very calm baby. Granted it was Dec - Feb but still, I just tried to get through each day and enjoy my DD while I was off.
You do what you have to. We didn't start taking DD out to dinner and to events till she was past 3 months and had some vaccinations, but that's just us.
Everything seems to be getting better in 2 month increments.
This! G was not an especially difficult newborn, just typical witching hour stuff, but 4-8 weeks was rough on us. Things progressively got much better at 2 months, then 4 months, 6 months, 8 months, etc... The only way she's been particularly challenging was sleep, which was pretty awful from 3-5 months, but is now mostly better. The other thing that I found helped with age was my feeling trapped from EBF. As she got older and could space out feedings, I felt much better.
At 6 weeks, my big accomplishment was surviving a trip to Target by myself with the baby. Prior to that I hadn't left the house alone with DS. (DH was home during that time) After 8 weeks it got easier. In fact, after the first time you do anything as a new mom it gets easier. The only way I shower is if I get up when DH does....he showers then he takes DS downstairs to make breakfast while I shower. Now that he naps in his crib an hour after he gets up I use that time to do my makeup and dry my hair. Prior to that I just put him in a bouncer/swing and did it. You will figure out a routine and going out gets easier, I promise!