do you have phases of "I can't live here anymore"?

[Deleted]

We're coming up on our three year anniversary of moving overseas and DH and I are both in a bad place about living here. We just don't like it. I think some of mine is hormonal (pregnant) but some of it is that I miss my family and I really miss living in a city.

It is so complicated and expensive for us to get to a big city (we live on an island). Our weekend in Dublin a few weeks ago was great but it just made me miss city living more. Our first two years here when we went away I always looked forward to coming home to our quiet life. Now as soon as I am home I am thinking about our next trip off the island.

We have a good life here, great lifestyle, lots of friends but I feel like this city/country is not for me.

If you've lived abroad for a few years or more, have you gone through these phases? Does it get better or worse? Has anyone just hit a point of no return and decided that the benefits - good job, travel, easy lifestyle - aren't worth it?

[Deleted]

We've been here for three years, which is the longest either of us have ever lived anywhere (since we were kids anyway), so we're a little antsy and ready to move on to the next thing. It's not so much that we don't like living HERE, because we've really enjoyed it, we're just ready for something new. Of course, we just found out that my assignment may be extended for another year, which was a psychological blow to both of us. Again, not because we dislike it here, but because we feel we've been here long enough.

[Deleted]

@villainv Yeah, we're constant change people too. We thrive on it. Moving countries, changing careers and jobs. I guess it's been three years in the same place with the same job and I have an itch for something else. Some of the job stuff I can change up on my own (self-employed) but I feel like I need a bigger change.

Love that you two are looking for a change and move and you have a 4 weeks old! My kind of people.

[GilliC]

I definitely had that in Beijing, and I did eventually move. There are just too many reasons not to stick around.

I've been in Oslo, and it happens once in a while, but not often. Especially if there's really bad weather for a long stretch or work is going badly or something like that, I might have a week where I'm fed up. But the biggest reason I've wanted to leave was just wanderlust and wanting a new adventure.

Around the 4-year mark, I started to feel boring. I wasn't a cool IN moving to new places, and I kind of missed the glamour of living in a more difficult or exotic country. This tugged at the back of my head, and at 6 years I did ask for a transfer. The request fell through for various administrative reasons, and then my Brazilian Boy Toy got a transfer to Norway, so I decided to stay put. I knew all along it was a good decision to stick around, and I don't regret it. I still have a tinge of wanting a new adventure, but I feel like I'm a bit less adventurous in my mid-30s than I used to be. The comfort of Scandinavia is starting to please me more than the excitement of a new adventure.

[Cioccolato]

A lot. I stay because SO is here (for the moment).

[mrsukyankee]

Honestly, no. But I think it's mainly because it's London and I love it. I have so many ties to the city. Now, if my ILs weren't part of the picture, I'm sure that I would have wanted to move somewhere else in the near future because I love trying new places. But I'm okay with living in London for the foreseeable future (I'd love to try out a new culture where I can't speak the language and be forced to learn).

[Brit]

Not with living abroad, but with living in Indiana. I am from NJ and H is from CA and we moved to Indiana for a two year stay nine years ago (we have been in and out of there for the past nine years). We definitely went through phases of 'get me out of here'. We lived in a small, isolated town and while I often liked our life there, I almost as often felt like we were missing out on awesome things that our home towns had to offer. We have never had the chance to move 'home', but we do jump at any chance to spend some time outside of the town in Indiana.

[MauMau]

I just moved back to my hometown after having to unexpectedly leave my big city home. I love my hometown it is where I would love to settle and buy a house. But it's tiny and I am young and single. There isn't much to do in the way of fun. :/

[potatopie]

I feel like I'm in the same situation. We've been here 3.5 years now and I'm am so ready to get out of here. DH seems to be itching a bit too, but there are so many reasons for us to stay; great jobs, lifestyle, friends, weather, travel opportunities...etc. You really can't argue with this place. I say that I want to leave because I want to be closer to home (either Europe or North America) but I also wonder if it's because I came here thinking it was temporary and just never let myself settle in enough. I'm also thinking it has a bit of the "ready-for-something-new" air about it as well. this is the longest either of us has stayed in a place for about 10 years.

[lolo]

Yes, I understand this feeling.

For me, it is usually tied to wanderlust or some factor about life in that place (COL, suddenly feeling really far from family) being exacerbated.

[Deleted]

Thank you so much everyone for chiming in. It helps to know this is somewhat normal and a few of you really nailed the wanderlust/ready for change aspect of it.

DH is finally home from a work trip and we're off on a break to Portugal soon. Going to think things over and see what I can do to give myself a fresh start so I'm enjoying life here a bit more.

[dulcemariamar]

Yes! I miss living in a big city. We have no plans on leaving so I just try to travel as much as I can. But I really want to move back to Spain.

[dutchgirl678]

I can totally understand the feeling. I moved from the Netherlands to Portland 13 years ago and love it here. Now I'm moving back with my husband and two kids and I have to promise DH we can move back in a few years if he is not happy. I think we will be happy there too but we both really love it here as well and can see us back here in the future.

A trip to Portugal sounds fantastic! You'll have such a great time.

[irish]

Maud, did your trip home a while ago trigger this?

I used to have phases every now and then when I lived overseas. I knew it was time to move home when a short trip (either home or elsewhere) didn't get the feeling out of my system. I ended up moving home at a relatively bad time when jobs in my then industry were hard to come by but that just made me realise how much I wanted out of where I was at the time. That's when I moved from London back home to Dublin.

[irish]

May 5, 2014 20:50:23 GMT -5 Maud said:

May 5, 2014 16:41:40 GMT -5 irish said:

Maud, did your trip home a while ago trigger this?

Pretty much! Taking James home made me realize that I desperately want to raise him there. We're discussing the option of moving back in time for him to start primary school.

It's weird because I love our house, our neighborhood, our lifestyle over here but I really want him to grow up in Ireland.

I always knew I'd never raise kids in London. Even though I hadn't even met dh at that point in time!
I hope it all works out for you. Make a plan for the future but do live in the moment too. You don't want to be focussing so much on the future that you miss out in what James is doing now. They grow and change so quickly!