I've never been in a situation where he could have or needed to. A guy did grab my crotch at a bar in college though and my H (who was half the guy's size) started shoving and yelling at him before I had even processed what happened. Next thing we knew it was like the entire bar was full of people who knew H and the guy was pretty surrounded until the bouncer kicked him out.
My DH avoids conflict like it is his job. But he does at least draw the line at putting a stop to my mother's efforts to pull him around to her side when she's being truly ridiculous. I've heard him say to her that she has to take that up with me, or that he understands my POV and doesn't want to get involved.
His mother and my SIL are awesome, so no need there.
ETA: If someone who was not our family messed with me, and he really felt like it was wrong, he would. And god help someone if they messed with me physically.
Post by RoxMonster on Apr 30, 2014 17:00:55 GMT -5
We haven't really been in a situation where he has had to, at least not with our families.
A few years ago we were at a Memorial Day cookout, and a friend of a friend who was very drunk started acting like an ass and stole my sunglasses off my face, refusing to give them back. H went to bat for me there (figuratively speaking).
He never use to with is mother. It was a problem for a bit. But he has stuck up for me now whenever they decide to rip on me.
There is this one story his friend told at our wedding. I'm a Yankee's fan and he's a Philly's fan and we went to a bar with another Yankees/Phillies couple right outside of Philly during the Y/P would series. We knew we would get booed and heckled wearing Yankee gear in a bar in PA, but we kept our heads low and just went with the flow. Most of the heckling was good nurtured.
Then the Yankees hit a home run and the other fan and I high-fived (did NOT make a big deal of it, considering where we were). Some drunk guy saw us and he came over and started to severely verbally harass me - called me a cunt, said some other really fucked up shit. Then the guy flipped me off so I flipped him off back. Then the guy walked away but H was already up and following him. He told the guy "listen, it's fine to have some competition here, but if you're going to harass her like that, we will have a problem, so please knock it off." and as H turned to come back to the table the guy went after him. But the bouncer was watching the whole thing and grabbed the jackass and started to throw him out. The whole time the dumbass was saying "what? She flipped me off too! Why aren't you throwing her out?"
So my baby stood up for me against a fellow fan while his wife's team was currently beating his team in a series game.
DH will go out of his way to smooth feathers and be peacemaker if there's an issue with my mom. He knows that is what works best in the long run with her, even if there are blips in the moment. Of course, my family dynamics are less complicated than yours, @scottydeux.
Post by aussiecrush on Apr 30, 2014 18:13:30 GMT -5
It took marriage therapy and me ready to pack up and walk to get him to stand up for me to his family. It nearly destroyed us. It's doubtful he would stand up for me in the other circumstances described.
To my family, probably not, but I can't see a situation where he would need to. To his family, he absolutely does. I have no doubt he's on my side. We've never been in a situation outside his family, but he probably wouldn't, solely because I like to handle such things on my own.
We've only had one incident where he felt the need to stand up for me and he did so. I would normally handle things myself, but this was with his dad and I was at a total loss for words. He definitely straightened things out (as well as he could, given his dad is an alcoholic). It was actually kind of cool to see him do that because he is a pretty quiet person. I don't see him deal with confrontation very often.
Post by spellingbea on Apr 30, 2014 21:07:17 GMT -5
Yes, absolutely.
When we were planning our small destination wedding, we only invited our parents, 2 BFFs, my sister and BIL. My stepsister is pretty much a horrible person and I barely speak to her, but I still felt bad about not inviting her. DH said he was willing to be the bad guy and take the blame, but that he didn't want her ruining our day and would say as much to anyone that pressed the issue. It never came to that, but I knew then I could count on him to have my back, and he always has.
Not really but I'm the hothead in this duo. He is very calm, nothing ever bothers him he shrugs everything off.
Once we were all at the zoo with DHs family and DS was fussy from being outside all day, hot and tired. I was frustrated since I took most of the responsibility for him so DH could spend time with his family. I took DS away from the group to soothe him and apparently SIL made some snarky remark about having to leave early because I can't handle DS. DH told her to knock it off and mind her business. He said a few other things I don't remember but since he never reacts, she was kind of shocked and didn't pipe up the rest of the afternoon.
With his family yes, definitely. With my family, he has once or twice. In public, no. He knows I can hold my own. But there's only been one incident I can think of.
Post by brandienee on Apr 30, 2014 21:52:56 GMT -5
Yes. My mom has a degenerative disease, and he got to meet her at the height of her nastiness. When she started going on her famous rants about me, he shut that down. I don't remember what he said to her, but it was pretty cool to see my mom get sidetracked and start ranting about something else. It was the first time anyone has done that for me. My dad and sister would go hide, and I usually had to fight it out with my mom or just let her go at it, because you can't reason with someone who is sick like she is. My mom has respect for him because he won't let her push me around.
He would stand up for me with his family too, thankfully they aren't as crazy as mine is.
Our family dynamics are so different, he didn't speak up for me with his parents and there was never a need with mine. My temper is quicker, so he wouldn't really have the opportunity with my family. I know he regrets not setting his folks straight, but now they are no longer a problem.
With his family, absolutely. With my family or my direct relationships, he lets me take the lead and plays encourager/cheerleader, which I really love about him.