Parenting a "spirited" child

[bunch]

Spirited, strong willed, obstinate - whatever you want to call it. Anyone have any resources? I've spent enough time with other kids dd's age to realize that she's probably going to be a handful. I've read a bit on what to do with a preschooler, but I have no idea where to start with a toddler. Any suggestions?

Thanks mom for wishing me a kid just like me!

[Deleted]

No clue where to start but compared to his friends, I feel that DS is in the same boat. I try a lot of redirection and have started to say "no" and "stop" more sternly. He actually does stop when I say the word, which gives me about 2.5 seconds to get him away from whatever I want him to stop doing so he doesn't hurt himself. I have been told that ignoring behavior you don't want them to repeat is supposed to work, but yeah so far that hasn't work with my kid.

Btw, I am also realizing that a lot of this "spirited" nature right now might be a preview of normal toddlerhood. I am freaking terrified of what my son will do over the next few years. lol.

[bunch]

May 15, 2012 7:08:20 GMT -5 @cookiemonster03 said:

can you describe why you think DD will be "spirited"? (not judging, really curious. our DDs are about the same age I think and I have pretty much no experience with babies besides these two, hah)

Sure! Compared to other babies in our playgroup she is more physical and aggressive. She will pull another kid down to get a toy that she wants. If you're not paying attention to her, she will loudly yell until you do. When you hold her, she spends the whole time squirming to get down, put her down and she screams to be held. She throws fits where she throws her hands down by her side and growls when she doesn't get something that she wants. She bites when she gets mad.

I realize these are all typical 9mo old behavior, but its like dd more intense than some of her peers. It wasn't until I spent a lot of time with some babies of a similar age that thought "hmmmm... Maybe not all kids are like this."

Who knows, maybe she morphs into a laid back little toddler, but I'd like to be prepared anyway

[ijack]

Have you read any books about spirited children? I think there is actually one called parenting the spirited child. I can really only think of stuff for preschoolers too. This is one of the best articles I've read lately - it describes DD to a t and I wish I would have found it sooner (I'm very much guilty of the battle of wills and actually want some opinions on some things that I'll post later)
www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/positive-discipline/Parenting-Strong-Willed-Child

[bunch]

May 15, 2012 7:30:45 GMT -5 ijack said:

Have you read any books about spirited children? I think there is actually one called parenting the spirited child. I can really only think of stuff for preschoolers too. This is one of the best articles I've read lately - it describes DD to a t and I wish I would have found it sooner (I'm very much guilty of the battle of wills and actually want some opinions on some things that I'll post later)
www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/positive-discipline/Parenting-Strong-Willed-Child

I'm pretty sure that you pinned that from me

[ijack]

Well thank you then because it's awesome!

[DarcyLongfellow]

My mom (who teaches parenting classes) recommends a book called Parenting Your Strong Willed Child. A good friend of mine has a 5 year old daughter who has been labeled oppositional defiant, and she likes this book (based on my mom's rec).

One thing I try to do, which seems a bit odd then they're that young, is try to teach empathy. If DD accidentally kicks one of our dogs, I make a big deal about "oh no, you kicked Darcy! Poor Darcy -- that makes him sad. Give him a kiss and tell him you're sorry!" (yes, my dog is Mr. Darcy -- it was the inspiration for my online name :-) ) Even a baby can be taught to kiss the dog or mom or whoever if she accidentally (or purposefully) hits them.

Also, buy 1, 2, 3 Magic now :-) We started it when DD was a year and a half, but knowing the principles when your DD is younger can help a lot. It's a lot more than just this, but it's a method of giving time outs that will actually be effective. I didn't start real time outs until DD was closer to 2, but starting around 12 months I would do a "time in" -- if she was doing something I didn't like, I would sit her in my lap in another room to give her a chance to calm down.

[ariel06]

"Raise your Spirited Child" has been so helpful in understanding why DS1 is the way he is. I have the book "Taming the Spirited Child", but I haven't had a chance to try it.

"123 Magic" was a big fat fail for my kiddos.

[Ashley&Scott]

May 15, 2012 7:45:59 GMT -5 bunch said:

May 15, 2012 7:30:45 GMT -5 ijack said:

Have you read any books about spirited children? I think there is actually one called parenting the spirited child. I can really only think of stuff for preschoolers too. This is one of the best articles I've read lately - it describes DD to a t and I wish I would have found it sooner (I'm very much guilty of the battle of wills and actually want some opinions on some things that I'll post later)
www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/positive-discipline/Parenting-Strong-Willed-Child

I'm pretty sure that you pinned that from me

:Y: Awesome article ladies. I pinned it for future reference.

[tardyfortheparty]

Thanks for the article. DS is 3 & is a spirited, willful, non stop energetic child. It is exhausting but I try to focus on the positive aspects: his exuberance, outgoing nature, & determination. The Happiest Toddler on the Block was very helpul for me & has a great section on spirited personalities.

[whitepicketfence]

DD1 is an extremely "spirited" child and I've really been having a hard time with her lately. I haven't found any resources that have been helpful yet, but I'm going to check out some of the books mentioned here.

[sophie1229]

There is also a book called "Setting Limits with your Strong Willed Child" that you could look into!

[Deleted]

If it makes you feel better, I think spirited children tend to be more intelligent. They probably actually need more stimuli/activity