Word vomit and question(s)

[keyslover]

DD1 is almost 6 and is a bright and normally happy girl.  She has never been a good sleeper, picky eater, sensory issue (sensitive to loud and bright places), sensitive to dyes, particular about her clothing (no jeans, fabric feeling, tags) and has grand tantrums.  She is also an introvert.

She has no issues at PreK (M-TH 9-1) and they see none of the issues we do at home.  She holds it together for them and will lose it at home, it isn't all the time either.  It just is when she does, she does it well. 

The doctors do not see any issues and we haven't pushed for anything further because no one else sees these issues as problematic.  
Based on things we read, we do believe she fits into a little of this and a little of that, but not full on anything.  Sensory issues being number one and we try to work with her- cut out dyes from her diet, recognize she needs her down time and quiet time, hugs/touch are necessary at times to calm her down.  She does pretty well with transitions, but we also need to prepare her for them and give her a heads up.  

Additional info- I have another daughter that is almost 3.   Totally different personality and extrovert.  

Now my questions or whatever-
Melt downs that turn into temper tantrums are reaching an all time peak for about the last week.  Crying over EVERY thing, I am having a hard time finding the "trigger" for them.  They escalate pretty quickly too, you can tell she won't hear anything you have to say.  How I have been "handling" (use the term loosely because I am not sure it is working):  tell her if she is going to cry to go to her room, I will talk to her when she calms down.  She will then scream and cry from her room yelling she wants to talk.  I reiterate after she has calmed down and isn't crying, she then (while crying and yelling) I am calmed down!  We get no where. 

I am not sure if this is an age thing too, is she having a hard time expressing her feelings?  Is it a jealously thing with her sister?  

I am asking on here because I think you all may understand that while some of the issues are typical 6 year old behavior, the coping mechanisms may not be that of a typical 6 year old.  

I guess I am just wondering how to handle these current situations.  I cannot let her keep crying because she will do it forever and it just makes me mad and that will get us no where.  Not too mention the time it takes to deal with this bs- 45 minutes this morning.  Oh and it went from a good morning to hell in 10 seconds flat.  She just cannot calm down once she is amped up.

As I said, we are mindful of her issues and work with them and try not to put her in situations where she will have meltdowns (meaning we know her limits), but I am at a loss here.

Thanks if you read all of this.  Input is greatly appreciated.  

[hopecounts]

She may be using up all her coping energy at school and just can't do better at home.
I would first recommend taking her to see a pediatric therapist/psychiatrist.
They will be able to work with her on coping skills and you can see how that goes.
I also think an evaluation would be worth it at this point.
If there is anything more going on they can help ID it and then you will have the info and a better grasp on how to help her.
If there isn't anything you have that info as well which can be valuable in figuring out an appropriate approach to help her.

[auntie]

May 20, 2014 10:25:49 GMT -5 keyslover said:

DD1 is almost 6 and is a bright and normally happy girl.  She has never been a good sleeper, picky eater, sensory issue (sensitive to loud and bright places), sensitive to dyes, particular about her clothing (no jeans, fabric feeling, tags) and has grand tantrums.  She is also an introvert.


Do you realize you have described a girl presentation of higher functioning ASD pretty much to a "T"? 

Who dx'd her sensory issues? Has she seen a developmental pedi or clinical psychologist to R/O ASD?

She has no issues at PreK (M-TH 9-1) and they see none of the issues we do at home.  She holds it together for them and will lose it at home, it isn't all the time either.  It just is when she does, she does it well. 

It's a common MO for a kid to save up their worst and unleash it at home where they know they are loved unconditionally. A lot of kids can manage this in a half day scenario; a few can in a full day class but not all. The reports from school in the fall may be different as expectations ramp up.

The doctors do not see any issues and we haven't pushed for anything further because no one else sees these issues as problematic.

Sometime you have to follow your gut an push. If she's the kind to have an epic tantrum, record it and play it for her pedi when you ask for a referral to a dev pedi. DS got an Asperger dx at the end of kindie from a clinical psych; when I asked for a referral to a dev pedi his PCP swore there was no need because DS was "just the bright and highly valued child of older parents". He felt pretty sheepish when the eval proved him wrong. FWIW, DS never had tantums, he was more likely to shut down if stressed. He did pretty well in preschool though he told me he was "like those other kids".
 
Based on things we read, we do believe she fits into a little of this and a little of that, but not full on anything.  Sensory issues being number one and we try to work with her- cut out dyes from her diet, recognize she needs her down time and quiet time, hugs/touch are necessary at times to calm her down.  She does pretty well with transitions, but we also need to prepare her for them and give her a heads up.  

Again, this is how most parents of kids with an Aspergers-like form of ASD would describe their kids. DS always transitioned pretty well. In a preschool situation, there's a lot of overt structure and planning, so transitions would be easier all around. If you took 45 minutes to get ready to leave for school, that's not transitioning "well".

Additional info- I have another daughter that is almost 3.   Totally different personality and extrovert.  

Now my questions or whatever-
Melt downs that turn into temper tantrums are reaching an all time peak for about the last week.  Crying over EVERY thing, I am having a hard time finding the "trigger" for them.  They escalate pretty quickly too, you can tell she won't hear anything you have to say.  How I have been "handling" (use the term loosely because I am not sure it is working):  tell her if she is going to cry to go to her room, I will talk to her when she calms down.  She will then scream and cry from her room yelling she wants to talk.  I reiterate after she has calmed down and isn't crying, she then (while crying and yelling) I am calmed down!  We get no where. 

I am not sure if this is an age thing too, is she having a hard time expressing her feelings?  Is it a jealously thing with her sister?  

I am asking on here because I think you all may understand that while some of the issues are typical 6 year old behavior, the coping mechanisms may not be that of a typical 6 year old.  

She's not coping. It sounds like her self regulation is very delayed for a nearly-six. In kids with ASD, even really bright ones, there's a delay in social and emotional maturity that is about 1/3-1/2 the child's chronological age.

It's interesting that you mention her sister. Family dynamics often play into a situation when the older sib is on spectrum and the younger is typically developing. If DD1 is almost 6 and DD2 is 3, it's very possible you are seeing a situation where the younger child is threatening the older one for the role of the "older" child. This is kind of confusing to both; the older child feels like the younger one is treading on her role as the older child who should be looked up to and young younger one feels as if their older sib isn't quite living up to that promise. It can be very sad to watch.

I guess I am just wondering how to handle these current situations.  I cannot let her keep crying because she will do it forever and it just makes me mad and that will get us no where.  Not too mention the time it takes to deal with this bs- 45 minutes this morning.  Oh and it went from a good morning to hell in 10 seconds flat.  She just cannot calm down once she is amped up.

As I said, we are mindful of her issues and work with them and try not to put her in situations where she will have meltdowns (meaning we know her limits), but I am at a loss here.

I'd pull the trigger on an evaluation by a developmental pedi. Maybe she's just immature or maybe there's more to it. The way you describe it, she could be on the higher end of the spectrum or she could have some other underlying issue that could be addressed and help her. These appointments can take 6-12 months to be seen, so it would be better to schedule now and cancel if she transitions to full days well and becomes better emotionally regulated. 


I'm not a fan of preventing meltdowns by lowering expectations for appropriate or expected behavior. Parents who do this tend to create a situation, over time, where the tail wags the dog. This can lead to an increase in the overall anxiety driving the meltdowns and make the inflexible thinking that leads to the meltdown more entrenched. You might have an easier time in the moment, but you end up with a less resilent and capable child in the long term.

Thanks if you read all of this.  Input is greatly appreciated.  

[KB]

This sounds very similar to DS. I'd pull the trigger on an eval with a developmental pedi. If it isn't ASD, there are likely other alphabet soup diagnosis that may apply based on what you describe. Good luck.

[Deleted]

Have you had a sensory evaluation done with an occupational therapist? Lots of things you wrote pointed to sensory issues and an OT could help narrow those down and work on those issues in addition to seeing if there might be something else underlying such as an ASD. If the dev pedi isn't an option, OT might be a good place to start. They probably would get you in sooner than a dev pedi too.

[cbwm1]

DS typically uses all of his coping mechanisms during school and unleashes "the beast" as we call it at home.

We usually just have to get him into a bear hug hold, shush in his ear, and tell him that we need to use words to describe how we're feeling. This is something new that we've been trying, because sometimes he'll just get this horrible look on his face and grunt/cry and that's not working for anyone.

I also would bite the bullet on having an eval done for ASD. We just received an educational diagnosis of Autism and we're trying to get into a local developmental pedi to get an official diagnosis. GL to you!