Adamwife once said this, btw. She asked why people mourned miscarriages if they didn't believe in fetal personhood. In the interest of fairness, it was a loooooooong time ago before she became more temperate, but it was... not good.
It's mind boggling how black and white the anti-choice movement can be. The anti-anything movement, actually (anti SSM, for example). In a way, it must be nice to live in a world that's so simple.
When I was going through my miscarriages, talk of elective abortions was particularly sensitive for me. It hurts to see women who can get pregnant and don't want to be for whatever reason and just throw it away. I'm not talking about those for medical reason of mom or baby. I'm talking about life circumstances reasons. It hurt. It didn't diminish what I felt or how I was treated by my loved ones. Or how I mourned. It still does some, just not as raw. It's pure jealousy and selfishness that makes the connection between them and me.
I know you've struggled a lot, Pamela, and it's heartbreaking, really. But in fairness, the author mentioned that it's taken her 8 years to realize this, which to me, says she experienced her loss EIGHT YEARS ago and is just now writing this article. So not exactly a fresh memory.
When I had my third pregnancy loss, I was labeled an "habitual aborter." Because that's what a miscarriage is, medically. Jesus, this column pisses me off on about 11 billion levels.
When I was going through my miscarriages, talk of elective abortions was particularly sensitive for me. It hurts to see women who can get pregnant and don't want to be for whatever reason and just throw it away. I'm not talking about those for medical reason of mom or baby. I'm talking about life circumstances reasons. It hurt. It didn't diminish what I felt or how I was treated by my loved ones. Or how I mourned. It still does some, just not as raw. It's pure jealousy and selfishness that makes the connection between them and me.
I know you've struggled a lot, Pamela, and it's heartbreaking, really. But in fairness, the author mentioned that it's taken her 8 years to realize this, which to me, says she experienced her loss EIGHT YEARS ago and is just now writing this article. So not exactly a fresh memory.
I did miss that.
I agree, she took what I consider to be a valid feeling an stretch/twisted it for political purpose.
When I was going through my miscarriages, talk of elective abortions was particularly sensitive for me. It hurts to see women who can get pregnant and don't want to be for whatever reason and just throw it away. I'm not talking about those for medical reason of mom or baby. I'm talking about life circumstances reasons. It hurt. It didn't diminish what I felt or how I was treated by my loved ones. Or how I mourned. It still does some, just not as raw. It's pure jealousy and selfishness that makes the connection between them and me.
I can definitely see how this would be hurtful and a difficult subject. The difference is that you have some self-awareness about your emotions, and the wisdom to navigate the situation with grace.
Yes, that's it. Thank you. So there are support groups and remembrance days. People are talking about it, and it is recognized.
And its not just for women who miscarried. It is also for woman who may have terminated their very much wanted pregnancies due to issues not compatible with life etc that come up later in the pregnancy.
THANK YOU. She has created an entirely false dichotomy wherein there are only two sides: wanted pregnancies vs unwanted pregnancies and if you terminate a pregnancy you clearly didn't want it. How utterly ignorant.
I, too, saw this on FB a few weeks ago and I was furious.
Is this idiot unaware that m/c's are talked about more now than they ever were before? My grandmother had a mc that my mom didn't even know about until I had my mc and granny mentioned it. The woman wouldn't even say the word pregnant when mom was a kid but you think she was publicly mourning a loss?? The hell?
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Seriously. From talking with my parents and other older people about miscarriage, I've gotten the distinct impression that ours is the first generation that doesn't treat miscarriage as something to be deeply and personally ASHAMED of, something to hide. If women talked about them, it was to brag about how they were such virtuous people for never having had one (or maybe that was just my horrible grandmother).
And if she thinks spontaneous abortion is a poor phrase to describe it, she should look up the etymology of "miscarriage", which is, incidentally, just what it sounds like. That word dates from a time when it was generally believed that they were the mother's fault, for not carrying ther babies well enough, or miss-carrying them. It's a far more offensive word, historically. Spontaneous abortion *clearly* indicates that it was not anyone's fault. That's what the spontaneous part means.
You mean I'm not capable of complex emotions and can't feel heartbroken for loved ones who have experienced miscarriage while simultaneously fighting for the right of women to make their own reproductive choices in different circumstances? Why didn't anyone tell me sooner?!
For serious.
Fertility, pregnancy, miscarriage/stillbirth are bring about extremely personal, complex, and even conflicting emotions. And those emotions change over time. I think we've come along way in recognizing that as a society, but clearly not far enough.