Not sure what to do anymore...

[jks]

Been married for 7 years and have a child. I'm the only one working right now. Husband stays home with our child and has no desire to work. He was going back to school but decided not to finish. He is pushing me to go to grad school so I can make more money. I would go to school part time and work full time. He is constantly making me pick up extra shifts.
Also a while back he left his email up and saw that he was emailing a bunch of women who were sending him make pictures. I confronted him and he said he would never do it again. Well now there are numerous text messages on our phone bill from a girl (20 plus a day). Is this cheating? There have been a few other times in the past where he meets girls online and messages then about masturbation or talks on the phone with them for hours.
He is also controlling at times telling me I need to do this and that. The only reason I am still married is because of our daughter. I'm lost.

[captainmel]

Would you want to see your daughter in a relationship like yours? Right now you are setting the standard of normal for her. Even if you don't want to leave him for your own benefit (which you should because he seems like a huge sleeze ball), you should leave him for her. Give her an example of what is and isn't tolerable behavior.

And yes, he is cheating.

[ECB]

May 24, 2014 13:10:24 GMT -5 captainmel said:

Would you want to see your daughter in a relationship like yours? Right now you are setting the standard of normal for her. Even if you don't want to leave him for your own benefit (which you should because he seems like a huge sleeze ball), you should leave him for her. Give her an example of what is and isn't tolerable behavior.

And yes, he is cheating.

This, a hundred times over.  If you stay, what your relationship is, including his controlling behavior, is what your DD will grow up to think is normal and she will probably get into a very similar relationship.

She isn't a reason to stay, she's a reason to GO. 

[cuddlyevil]

It is cheating and should go.

Sent from my SPH-D710 using Tapatalk

[tiramisu]

Everyone else covered it. Yes, he is cheating and yes, you should leave. Your daughter will learn from what she sees and you wouldn't want this for her. Heck, would you want this for a friend?

You deserve better than this. You deserve a partner, not someone who will order you around and make you do all the heavy lifting in the relationship while he fucks around online and does nothing to better himself or help the family.

I think your gut is telling you something and I think you need to listen to it. I hope you can get yourself and your daughter away from him soon.

[partiallysunny]

Even if he's not physically cheating (yet) it's still cheating.

What do you even like about this guy right now? He's making long term choices (not finishing school and not working) without your input. He's pushing you to work more and take on more responsibility (going to school) without caring how much of a burden that would put on you. What are you getting out of this relationship?

Usually, no drive/not working would make me think depression but the fact that he's basically forcing you to take extra shifts and being inappropriate on the internet/phone makes me think this is all calculated for him to be a bum.

I'm sorry. You deserve better.

[partiallysunny]

As for the next step: does your workplace offer EAP? I'd start there with a therapist. Go from there. Maybe even a trial seperation to see how managing on your own feels (and I'd bet it'll feel pretty fucking amazing to be free of him). They can even help with a divorce attorney if you decide to take that route.

[10nille]

You don't stay for a child, you leave because you don't want your child to grow up thinking this is how a man treats his wife. btw nobody makes you do anything, so either this is MUD or you need therapy to figure out why you allow this to continue. He is a liar and a cheat, and he is playing you. What a sweet deal he has and I don't see one thing you wrote saying he is worth it.

[mich1]

Any chance he is pushing you to go to school not only to make more money (alimony?) but so that he could have more free time to cheat?

Sounds like the next two is your's. not sure I'd want my child learning that this behavior is ok from her father, or from you because you accepting it must make it ok.

[ECB]

May 25, 2014 15:08:33 GMT -5 mich1 said:

Any chance he is pushing you to go to school not only to make more money (alimony?) but so that he could have more free time to cheat?

Wouldn't be surprised. 

[partiallysunny]

No one ever comes back...

[tiramisu]

May 26, 2014 12:15:18 GMT -5 partiallysunny said:

No one ever comes back...

I'm hoping she will after the weekend. I've become an optimist or something.

[jks]

I have a gut feeling that's why he wants me to go back to school. I know he would ask for alimony.

[tiramisu]

May 26, 2014 13:29:55 GMT -5 jks said:

I have a gut feeling that's why he wants me to go back to school. I know he would ask for alimony.

How are you feeling about things after reading over the responses? Does it help to hear that you're not crazy, he is a cheating jerkface?

[partiallysunny]

May 26, 2014 12:16:28 GMT -5 tiramisu said:

May 26, 2014 12:15:18 GMT -5 partiallysunny said:

No one ever comes back...

I'm hoping she will after the weekend. I've become an optimist or something.

Good call (sort of).

[neonpink]

I'm sorry you are going through this but he sounds like he is just using you to go to work, pay for everything while he gets to do whatever he wants. CaptianMel hit it on the head. I don't have much to add but you deserve a partner in life not a barnacle.

[Wrath0fKuus]

If I were you, I'd quit my job to go back to school full time so that he is forced to get a job. THEN I'd divorce him. That way you wouldn't have to pay alimony.  In fact, HE might have to pay it then.

[tiramisu]

May 27, 2014 14:15:23 GMT -5 Wrath0fKuus said:

If I were you, I'd quit my job to go back to school full time so that he is forced to get a job. THEN I'd divorce him. That way you wouldn't have to pay alimony.  In fact, HE might have to pay it then.

Kuus is wise.