Father Gets Probation For Making His Son Walk A Mile Home

[NewOrleans]

::throws up hands::

[Wrath0fKuus]

Also, is it one of those highways that don't have a sidewalk or pulloff lane? That makes a difference, I think.

[heyjude]

The boy was 8. And he was dropped off on a highway.

All I know is that it got my sanctimonious "free range" parents in a tizzy on Facebook in righteous indignation. Instinctually, I took the other side because they are so insufferable.

[heyjude]

Jun 2, 2014 11:15:23 GMT -5 Wrath0fKuus said:

Also, is it one of those highways that don't have a sidewalk or pulloff lane? That makes a difference, I think.

No sidewalks.

[cattledogkisses]

I was initially rolling my eyes, since I walked about that far to and from school on a daily basis, but 8 is too young for that, IMO.

[cattledogkisses]

I am LOL-ing that this judge thinks there were no child predators back in the day though.

[heyjude]

A Kauai man is speaking out after he was sentenced and fined for making his son walk a mile home from school.

Kilauea resident Robert De Mond pleaded no contest to endangering the welfare of a minor.

But, he told KHON2, all he was trying to do was discipline his son.

De Mond said when he picked up his eight-year-old son from A-plus at Kilauea Elementary School, he noticed his son was on a time-out. On their way home, De Mond asked his son what happened.

"He answered, 'I don't know,' and I go, 'You need to take responsibility for your actions. Why were you in time out?' He kept saying 'I don't know," De Mond said.

About a mile from home, De Mond stopped the car along Kuhio Hwy. and told his son to walk home, he said.

"(I told him) basically think about what you did in A-plus to put you in time out," he said. De Mond continued home with his two other sons.

When De Mond went back roughly five minutes later, his son was gone, De Mond said.

Turns out, a bystander saw him crying, brought him back to the school and called police.

"As we went there, we picked up my son. I wasn't able to see my son. I was put under arrest," he said.

A judge sentenced De Mond to one year of probation and a $200 fine, calling his actions "old school punishment" that wasn't appropriate. He also has to take parenting classes.

De Mond told KHON2 he initially wanted to go to trial and try to prove to a jury that he didn't do anything wrong, but his attorney, a public defender, advised against it.

"All I was trying to do is have my son think about his actions and there was no intention at all that I wanted to harm my son. I just wanted him to walk home and think about what he did by the time he got home," he said.

So why was his son on a time-out? According to De Mond, he was caught name-calling at school.

A family attorney questioned why De Mond was even charged when Hawaii law allows parents to discipline children by spanking them.

"It seems odd to me that he would have knowingly endangered the child's mental and physical welfare. He obviously was not expecting his child to be run over or absconded with or whatever," said attorney Brad Coates.

But child psychologist Suzanne Gelb pointed out that punishment out of anger is never good for the child. She said it's better to give the child a choice and let him know what will happen if he doesn't obey.

"So the purpose of the consequence is not to make the child feel bad, it's to let him know that you need to respond a certain way or you're gonna have to forfeit a privilege and that's a wonderful teaching tool — no punishment, no anger, just matter of fact," Gelb said.

De Mond says he will probably handle it differently the next time he wants to discipline any of his three sons.

If he stays out of trouble during his one year probation, his record will be wiped clean.

[ringstrue]

Highway? For not responding to a question? EIGHT?

nope. nope. nope.



Even for say a teenager on a neighborhood road - how is having your child walk home as opposed to being driven a form of punishment especially if its just a mile? Aren't most "walkers" (don't take the bus to school) around a mile away?

[giggity19]

From the comments, I read that the dad swung back by a few minutes later and the kid was gone. A neighbor picked him up and took him back to school. 


And here is the highway that supposedly goes by the elementary school

maps.gstatic.com/m/streetview/?ll=22.209644,-159.413525&spn=0.18,0.3&cbll=22.209644,-159.413525&layer=c&panoid=Gy5Nfq5LM1oj6dMTwmgvpA&cbp=,326.6,,0,28.05&output=classic&dg=ntvb

maps.gstatic.com/m/streetview/?ll=22.209644,-159.413525&spn=0.18,0.3&cbll=22.209644,-159.413525&layer=c&panoid=Gy5Nfq5LM1oj6dMTwmgvpA&cbp=,326.6,,0,28.05&output=classic&dg=ntvb

[heyjude]

All the sancti free range parents on my Facebook were high fiving each other because when they were six they walked 5 miles around town by themselves, blah blah blah...kids today are too coddled...blah blah blah...my 5 year makes her own dinner and grocery shops...blah blah blah.

[ringstrue]

Jun 2, 2014 11:37:45 GMT -5 giggity19 said:

From the comments, I read that the dad swung back by a few minutes later and the kid was gone. A neighbor picked him up and took him back to school. 


And here is the highway that supposedly goes by the elementary school

maps.gstatic.com/m/streetview/?ll=22.209644,-159.413525&spn=0.18,0.3&cbll=22.209644,-159.413525&layer=c&panoid=Gy5Nfq5LM1oj6dMTwmgvpA&cbp=,326.6,,0,28.05&output=classic&dg=ntvb

I hope the Dad lost his shit when he didn't see his son. He is lucky it was a concerned parent that picked up the kid. 

[lyssbobiss, Command, B613]

Isn't it illegal to walk on a highway?

The actual distance? Not a big deal, and at 8, I did it every day for school too. But I think the dad's punishment was inappropriate in this case.

[illgetthere]

Jun 2, 2014 11:46:47 GMT -5 ringstrue said:

Jun 2, 2014 11:37:45 GMT -5 giggity19 said:

From the comments, I read that the dad swung back by a few minutes later and the kid was gone. A neighbor picked him up and took him back to school. 


And here is the highway that supposedly goes by the elementary school

maps.gstatic.com/m/streetview/?ll=22.209644,-159.413525&spn=0.18,0.3&cbll=22.209644,-159.413525&layer=c&panoid=Gy5Nfq5LM1oj6dMTwmgvpA&cbp=,326.6,,0,28.05&output=classic&dg=ntvb

I hope the Dad lost his shit when he didn't see his son. He is lucky it was a concerned parent that picked up the kid. 

This. I think the fact the kid was gone less than 5 minutes later shows the danger of what he did.

[heyjude]

Jun 2, 2014 12:05:45 GMT -5 illgetthere said:

Jun 2, 2014 11:46:47 GMT -5 ringstrue said:

I hope the Dad lost his shit when he didn't see his son. He is lucky it was a concerned parent that picked up the kid. 

This. I think the fact the kid was gone less than 5 minutes later shows the danger of what he did.

Good point!!

[heyjude]

The kid also got into a strangers car!

[giggity19]

Jun 2, 2014 12:07:55 GMT -5 @choco said:

Jun 2, 2014 12:07:14 GMT -5 heyjude said:

The kid also got into a strangers car!

I think this is just as bothersome.  Stranger danger people.

It was a neighbor.

[msmerymac]

Jun 2, 2014 12:05:06 GMT -5 lyssbobiss, Command, B613 said:

Isn't it illegal to walk on a highway?

The actual distance? Not a big deal, and at 8, I did it every day for school too. But I think the dad's punishment was inappropriate in this case.

This one doesn't have sidewalks, but it has traffic lights and the speed limit is 40. It would be illegal to walk, bike, or use a moped that goes under the speed limit if we're talking about a freeway/expressway/thruway (the kind with exits and sometimes tolls and no lights/cross streets).

[Bad Dingo]

Ok, looking at that picture I wouldn't exactly call that a highway (even if it technically is). It's a rural road with tons of area to walk on the side and traffic is going 40 MPH. The kid didn't get into a stranger's car, they got into a neighbor's car. Maybe I'm one of those sanctimommy free range people because I think what the dad did was fine.

Is an 8 year old not allowed to walk/bike a mile from their house?

[Deleted]

Jun 2, 2014 11:30:21 GMT -5 ringstrue said:

Highway? For not responding to a question? EIGHT?

nope. nope. nope.



Even for say a teenager on a neighborhood road - how is having your child walk home as opposed to being driven a form of punishment especially if its just a mile? Aren't most "walkers" (don't take the bus to school) around a mile away?

I think the point of the punishment was for the boy to have alone time think about what had happened in order to give an appropriate response.

I don't really have a problem with the mile walk punishment, but clearly not a good idea on an actual highway. 

[Deleted]

Jun 2, 2014 12:13:58 GMT -5 Bad Dingo said:

Ok, looking at that picture I wouldn't exactly call that a highway (even if it technically is). It's a rural road with tons of area to walk on the side and traffic is going 40 MPH. The kid didn't get into a stranger's car, they got into a neighbor's car. Maybe I'm one of those sanctimommy free range people because I think what the dad did was fine.

Is an 8 year old not allowed to walk/bike a mile from their house?

I think you'll find different answers to this question.

I recently babysat regularly for a 9 year. The mom asked me to pick up her kid from the bus stop, which was literally a 1 min. drive away because she thought that it was a dangerous time for kids to get snatched up, so she didn't want her walking that short distance. However, they did let the daughter ride around throughout the neighborhood on her bike to visit friends. 

So I think it really just depends on the parent's comfort level and the exact situation. 

[illgetthere]

Jun 2, 2014 12:13:58 GMT -5 Bad Dingo said:

Ok, looking at that picture I wouldn't exactly call that a highway (even if it technically is). It's a rural road with tons of area to walk on the side and traffic is going 40 MPH. The kid didn't get into a stranger's car, they got into a neighbor's car. Maybe I'm one of those sanctimommy free range people because I think what the dad did was fine.

Is an 8 year old not allowed to walk/bike a mile from their house?

My 8 year old? No. I don't think an 8 year old is too dainty to walk a mile.  He has to run them in PE all the time.  However, I have just started to let him go to the nighborhood park with friends. He walks/bike to the store with my H which is about a mile away, but I can't fathom letting him do it alone.
I know my parenting style, and what a judge gives probation for, are two different things. It does seem like very poor judgement on the dad's part though.

Edit: whenever he pull the "I don't remember" as to why he clipped down in school, he has to sit at the table or go to his room until he does have a reasonable answer.

[heyjude]

Even if you think it's okay for an 8 year old to walk a mile down a highway, it's still a weird punishment.

Dad: why were you in time out at school?

Kid: I don't know.

[Slams brakes!]

Dad: Then walk home!!!

[PinkSquirrel]

Jun 2, 2014 11:37:45 GMT -5 giggity19 said:

From the comments, I read that the dad swung back by a few minutes later and the kid was gone. A neighbor picked him up and took him back to school. 


And here is the highway that supposedly goes by the elementary school

maps.gstatic.com/m/streetview/?ll=22.209644,-159.413525&spn=0.18,0.3&cbll=22.209644,-159.413525&layer=c&panoid=Gy5Nfq5LM1oj6dMTwmgvpA&cbp=,326.6,,0,28.05&output=classic&dg=ntvb

maps.gstatic.com/m/streetview/?ll=22.209644,-159.413525&spn=0.18,0.3&cbll=22.209644,-159.413525&layer=c&panoid=Gy5Nfq5LM1oj6dMTwmgvpA&cbp=,326.6,,0,28.05&output=classic&dg=ntvb

That's a highway?   Nothing about that says highway to me, especially the 40mph speed limit.   

I don't think we should be dumping 8 year old kids off on the side of the road, but that road is nothing compared to the highways I was imagining

[Michelle]

If there is an available sidewalk, I don't think this is a horrible action for a kid that is in middle school or above.

For this age and given it's a highway with no sidewalk, that is a safety risk that is not appropriate.

[MixedBerryJam]

Jun 2, 2014 11:23:08 GMT -5 cattledogkisses said:

I was initially rolling my eyes, since I walked about that far to and from school on a daily basis, but 8 is too young for that, IMO.

I wouldn't say 8 is necessarily too young to walk home a mile from school on a regular basis, nor to walk home from school because your dad meted out said punishment for sassing him; however, on a highway with no sidewalks? No, not ever, not even for a teenager. That said, weird roads are called highways in HI, but still, if it had no sidewalks, an 8yo should not be walking it by design. I'm not sure it's a criminal matter, though. I read an article a while ago ... did the guy get probation AND parenting classes? (I hope so, anyway.) I'm glad the guy got parenting classes, too.

[secretlyevil]

Jun 2, 2014 11:42:58 GMT -5 heyjude said:

All the sancti free range parents on my Facebook were high fiving each other because when they were six they walked 5 miles around town by themselves, blah blah blah...kids today are too coddled...blah blah blah...my 5 year makes her own dinner and grocery shops...blah blah blah.

six walking five miles....umm yeah right. and to the rest... ah hell, it all gets a big fat eye roll.

[kadams767]

Eh, I am pretty on the fence on this. An actual highway, no. But that "highway" in the picture? I wouldn't think it was a big deal if an 8-year old wanted to walk down that street a mile to get to a friend's house, so I don't think much of it here.

[lya]

My mom kind of did this to me once, lol. I think I was about 10-11 and I was being a huge pain in the ass. We were getting ready to leave from somewhere and head back home. I had no patience at all waiting for people to get ready. My mom eventually said, fine if you are ready, you can start walking. And then she made we walk all the way home. However, it was a few miles on mostly country gravel roads. I only made it a little bit down the road before they caught up with me and she drove right next to me the whole way. And for the little bit of highway, she had me ride in the car. So a few key differences, there.

[decemberwedding07]

Jun 2, 2014 11:25:46 GMT -5 cattledogkisses said:

I am LOL-ing that this judge thinks there were no child predators back in the day though.

I am friends with a woman who is about 60.  She walked to school and back everyday growing up.  When she was in elementary school, she had one man try to abduct her, and she had another man pull over and flash her his penis. She told her teacher and parents both times and both times was told that she was being ridiculous and she just shouldn't talk to strangers. Years later her sister was raped by something like 10 guys from their high school's football team and when she told her parents, she was told that it was her fault and that she was a whore, so they were clearly not rational people.  She said she cam home with her clothes torn, a black eye, a split lip, bruises, and still her parents said she was asking for it.  Her grandmother told her it was because she wore pants and only whores wore pants.  This shit has been going on since the beginning of time.  It's ever going to end, is it?

[decemberwedding07]

Jun 2, 2014 13:50:31 GMT -5 secretlyevil said:

Jun 2, 2014 11:42:58 GMT -5 heyjude said:

All the sancti free range parents on my Facebook were high fiving each other because when they were six they walked 5 miles around town by themselves, blah blah blah...kids today are too coddled...blah blah blah...my 5 year makes her own dinner and grocery shops...blah blah blah.

six walking five miles....umm yeah right. and to the rest... ah hell, it all gets a big fat eye roll.

Yeah, six year olds get way too tired too quickly to be able to do that.  That's over an hour for an adult at an average walking pace.  There's no way a six year old is doing that.