I think my FI and I are being pushovers

[hbear]

Wow. I have zero experience with landlord/tenant relationships, but this sounds crazy!

[Mrs.Beagle]

Not normal. He is her landlord, not her assistant or caregiver. I can see doing her a favor once in a while, but that's overkill.

[adhdfashion]

Unreasonable? Yes, totally. But I'm guessing she is just lonely and wants some company. Your FI sounds like a sweetheart, good catch. :Y:

[ECB]

Does she have physical problems?

Past that - your FI needs to start saying "no" to her. On what you listed:

- The laundry? HA. I'd say "I'll keep that in mind, but I can't make any promises".
- Is the cable in his name? If so, then he may have to be the one to call. If not, he needs to tell her "Actually, it's in your name so yo uneed to call".
- The CD- were you all out? And she wanted you to do this? Um, yeah "SOrry, we can't do that. HOpefully it will be safe"
- On this... eh, I'd throw her a bone on this one and just do it.

The trash? Again, if she has physical issues, I might do it just to be nice. But if she doesn't, he needs to start not being so available.

[BieberMyBalls]

It sounds pretty over the top to me. There is asking for a little help, and then there's being a pain in the ass. How does your FI feel about her asking so much from him? If he doesn't want to cater to her every demand, he really should set some boundaries, otherwise she's going to get pretty comfortable with him being her little gofer. Help with things she's physically not able to do once in awhile , or more importantly things that as a landlord he is required to do? No problem. He is her landlord, not her servant.

[Kit]

It sounds like she is taking advantage of your husband's kindness. Those are not typical Landlord responsibilities.

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[motzie]

Woah there. She's in her 60's, not her 80's. He needs to tell her no. None of this is his responsibility.

[bostonrunnah]

Jul 18, 2012 11:04:46 GMT -5 nursecramer said:

This sounds like a problem with your FI, not the tenant.

Yep.

[karmasabiotch]

This is a FI problem. She can ask for everything and if he does it then it's his issue.

[ECB]

Jul 18, 2012 11:14:59 GMT -5 motzie said:

Woah there. She's in her 60's, not her 80's. He needs to tell her no. None of this is his responsibility.

Yeah. Our 84 year old neighbor asks far, far, far less from my DH (not her landlord, but a nice guy who has helped her out a few times).

[bcv513]

Jul 18, 2012 11:07:22 GMT -5 adhdfashion said:

Unreasonable? Yes, totally. But I'm guessing she is just lonely and wants some company. Your FI sounds like a sweetheart, good catch.

He is a total sweetheart, which is what I love about him. But I think she's totally capitalizing on it. I think she is a little lonely, which is where a lot of the requests come from. Also, this is the first time she's ever lived alone. She's been married three times and has never really had to take care of anything herself. With the cable thing, she honestly didn't know what to do about it. He gave her the phone number and told her she had to call herself since it's in her name.

I alternate between feeling bad for her and being annoyed. It's no big deal to take her trash out when he's taking out his own. I think it's more her attitude. It's like she expects it.

[bostonrunnah]

Jul 18, 2012 11:27:05 GMT -5 bcv513 said:

Also, this is the first time she's ever lived alone.

It's no big deal to take her trash out when he's taking out his own. I think it's more her attitude. It's like she expects it.

The first part is not your problem. Or your FI's. How is she going to deal with living alone in the future if your FI does all of her bitchwork?

It's a big deal IMO for him to have to go into her apartment and take the garbage out of her actual can. Like, sure, it's on the porch and you're going that way, you can just grab it. But going into her place? She's taking advantage.

[Deleted]

I think your FI maybe needs to talk to her about what should be his responsibilities and what should not.

Nothing you listed are his responsibility.

It sounds like he is just being a nice guy.

And ditto the "whoa" she is only 60 comment.

[bcv513]

Thanks everybody. I really appreciate your advice. I deleted just to be safe. I'm paranoid.

[Cayl]

He's definitely being taken advantage of. The only things that I think he should even consider doing are physical things that he thinks she might have an issue with. I know some baking mixers are pretty heavy, so if he wants to be a nice guy and help her out, great. If not, that's fine too. Oh, and the CD thing wouldn't bug me if we were home and that wasn't a regular occurrence. If my neighbor left something outside and called me I wouldn't mind grabbing it for them. I live in an apartment style condo and any packages sent to us are left outside and everyone who lives in my building always grabs anything left outside and puts it by the appropriate door.

It'll probably be hard to start setting boundaries now but he needs to do it or she'll get worse, especially if she's there in the long term as she gets older. If he wants to be nice and take the garbage out still I'd say to her "if you'd like me to continue taking your garbage down that's fine, but have it outside your door by X time so that I can bring it down with ours". If she calls, I would let it go to voicemail every time and just listen to them right away. If it's urgent he can call right back, but if it's dumb or something that's not his problem - like cable - he can ignore it and call back the next day and say "Hey, sorry, I just got your voicemail. I hope you were able to take care of that, especially since it's in your name and I can't call for you".