Awkward birthday party question.

[dowagercountess]

P's birthday party is coming up. There are 17 kids in her class. You might remember all the crap that went down with the terrible teacher, and I had her switched, etc.

Well the teacher's daughter is in P's class. She's (predictably) a bit of a bully, P is a little afraid of her as are the other girls. She's a hair puller and a shover and a yeller.

I do not want to take this out on the little girl AT ALL. She is not at fault for her mother's behavior or even her own at this point.

But, I am afraid if I invite her, her mother might actually bring her. And then she will have words with E, because he does not share my sense of decorum and it's only with heavy, heavy stress on my part he has not had words with this woman already for some of the things she said about/to P.

WWYD?

[snipsnsnails]

Are you inviting the other 16 kids? Or only some?

[Deleted]

Microwave some popcorn and watch the shitshow.

[dowagercountess]

I am snips. The only way I could think around it was to invite just the girls, but that would exclude her as well. P said she wanted to invite everyone that was nice, lol.

[dowagercountess]

Jul 18, 2012 12:57:10 GMT -5 @bettyhomewrecker33 said:

Microwave some popcorn and watch the shitshow.

It would make the party far more entertaining.

[Deleted]

Awww, I love that she wanted to invite all the "nice" kids! What a sweetheart!

What do you think the mother would say at the party if she were to attend?

[ThirdandLong]

I'll be honest. I wouldn't invite the bully if it made my daughter uncomfortable. What's the likelihood it would get back to her? Would she really be more of a bully if you didn't invite her?

[dowagercountess]

I doubt she would know, and I think the only way if she would is if the other teachers told her. But I don't think they would, because they don't like the mom either. I am not worried about what the mother would say, I am truly worried about my ex. I didn't even let him in on the drama until halfway through because I knew he would want to have words with this woman. By solving it, I eliminated the need for that. He would say something to her, for sure. I can't not invite him, so her it's probably going to be.

[Kit]

Candidly, I wouldn't invite the bully. Perhaps the bully needs a lesson in how to treat people, and if she is going to be mean, people aren't going to want to be around her.

Maybe her behavior is her mother's fault, and maybe it isn't, but if my child (and others) are uncomfortable around her, I wouldn't invite her.

[karmasabiotch]

Invite her and if E makes an scene it's a reflection on him and not on you or P.

[karmasabiotch]

If the bully acts out at the party and her Mom is there and other patents see it as well it could be the perfect time to point it out and hopefully start to change the pattern. P and her friends are also getting old enough to start standing up for each other if they see bullying happen.

[snipsnsnails]

If you're inviting all of the other kids, I would invite her.

If E chooses to make a scene at the party, honestly, that's his own poor choice.

[dowagercountess]

Let me make this clear. I could care less how people take it, or if it reflects poorly. And while yes, it would be his problem, its her party, and I want it to be nothing but fun. After thinking about it, I'm not going to invite a child she is afraid of...that Monday she starts K, and the girl does not, so that's that. It could turn out to be reflective on the teacher and all that, but really, I'd rather not experiment during her birthday party. A friend I was talking to irl asked me to remind her what the woman did, and when I listed it all, I realized I didn't want her there.

[BlackCanary]

Jul 18, 2012 18:58:13 GMT -5 Lucy Honeychurch said:

If you invite everyone else, there's really no way around inviting the girl. I feel like excluding her is a big risk; it might end up hurting her, and making her behavior towards P ultimately a lot worse.

I agree. To men, it's like how they bring Valentine's Day cards to everyone in the class so no one feels left out.

Do they still do that? It's been a while for me and I don't have kids.

[Deleted]

If you hand the invitations out to the other parents at pick up or can invite them without doing it at school I don't think you need to invite the bully. It's harder if you're having P give out invites in class.

Another option is to watch the girl closely to try something with one of the kids at the party, pull her aside and tell her VERY sternly that you will NOT tolerate this behaviour at your home and if you see or hear her doing one more mean thing you will call her mom to come get her.

But since the birthday girl has a good reason not to want her there I'd probably just not invite her and if the mom says anything I'd be honest. Your kid bullies the other kids and that's why she's not invited.

[bab]

Don't invite her and don't worry about it. This is P's birthday party. You want it to be a happy, fun filled day for her.
If the mother has the balls to talk shit after the fact, then that would be the time to have words with her.
Sorry you even have to deal with this nonsense.

[snipsnsnails]

Jul 18, 2012 19:16:21 GMT -5 dowagercountess said:

Let me make this clear. I could care less how people take it, or if it reflects poorly. And while yes, it would be his problem, its her party, and I want it to be nothing but fun.

It=not including her? or E possibly having words with the mother?

My opinion wasn't based on whether or not it reflected well on you. You sounded a little put off, so I felt that needed to be clarified. It sounds like you put thought into it and came to the best decision for your DD. I hope she has a great party!

[candyapple]

Invite her.

And you can always hope the RSVP is a no.