Why must STBX text me?

[bullygirl979]

Because even though there are HUGE reasons that you guys split, there were still some good times in your relationship. You married the guy for a reason, you fell in love for a reason. It doesn't just turn off like a light switch.

Hell, part of me still loves my XBF even though he is a douche. It is very normal.

BUT, whatever you do, do NOT respond to him. You will just add fuel to the fire. Remind yourself "I love myself more. I love myself more". HUGS!

[motzie]

Are you able to block his number? If you can, this is a great feature, even if you have to pay for it.

[explorer2001]

Because you are a good loving person and it is hard for you to see another human being hurting. Even if he brought it on himself, even if you don't wish him ill, etc. you have a heart and don't wish to see someone hurting. Even if it was a dog you.didn't know you'd probably feel bad if you saw a did get hurt.

Also, part of the emotional abuse and manipulation is making it seem like it is something you have control over and could change. He'd feel better if he had you back, so you could stop his pain is the way it feels. Of course that isn't true. You can't fix him. His fundamental issues wouldn't go away if you got back together. They might be masked for a while, but that would be dishonest and hurt both of you more in the long run.

Hugs. Sucks to feel that way. Time and perspective are the only cures. Think of it this way, by not fixing things for him you are doing him a favor by giving him the chance to grow.

[Bernadine]

I don't have much to add- bully and explorer did a pretty good job, just wanted to let you know you're not alone. And bully's right- whatever you do, do NOT respond. Good luck, hon.

[usedtobebear]

I am in the exact situation (minus Phil Collin's love songs), lol... It's totally normal, there is no sense to talk into you. I feel sad and bad all the time, and worry about my stbx like crazy. In fact, last night I was feeling so sad for him and I know I am doing a lot better than him. But, I also know that he isn't good for me and I have to take care of myself right now. What he's going through and dealing with are his issues, not mine, and not yours. I know how hard it is to be manipulated with text messages. I actually haven't heard from my stbx in 4 or 5 days, which is refreshing. Out of signt out of mind is totally helping me too. Hang in there, everything you are feeling is totally normal!! ((HUGS))

[usedtobebear]

Jul 18, 2012 15:12:41 GMT -5 explorer2001 said:

Because you are a good loving person and it is hard for you to see another human being hurting. Even if he brought it on himself, even if you don't wish him ill, etc. you have a heart and don't wish to see someone hurting. Even if it was a dog you.didn't know you'd probably feel bad if you saw a did get hurt.

Also, part of the emotional abuse and manipulation is making it seem like it is something you have control over and could change. He'd feel better if he had you back, so you could stop his pain is the way it feels. Of course that isn't true. You can't fix him. His fundamental issues wouldn't go away if you got back together. They might be masked for a while, but that would be dishonest and hurt both of you more in the long run.

Hugs. Sucks to feel that way. Time and perspective are the only cures. Think of it this way, by not fixing things for him you are doing him a favor by giving him the chance to grow.

You always have such good feedback and advice!! :drink:

[explorer2001]

:drink: Usedtobebear, cheers. Thank you. Now I'm all misty.

I know it is a hard road but I know you ladies are strong enough to get there.

[mandimija]

Aside from the wonderful spot-on insights you've already been given...

This is normal. He *knows* you're a good person, so he's going to do what he thinks could possibly win you back. My XH called me on the first possible day that our divorce was up for finalization and left me a voicemail in which he told me that he loved me. And the bastard cried. I wanted to throw my phone at the wall.

Part of this is just his own grieving of the marriage and is his 'bargaining' stage: ie, "If I do/say/send the right things, she will realize what a mistake this is and come back." It's not to say that this is acceptable and of course it hurts, but it's also normal on his part (at least from what I can see).

*hugs* This does get better. I promise. Time really will heal this, for you that you won't hurt when you have to interface with him, and for him that he won't try to 'fix' his hurt by manipulating you. He'll be able to find his own happiness in himself, and in so doing will leave you better able to do the same.

[Deleted]

Oh ladies...I love you all. Thanks for making me feel like I'm not going insane. I feel crappy about the whole thing, but you have made me realize I'm not alone and it's normal.