Here are some problems for you!

[eightangryreindeer]

1. Facebook tells me that my just turned 15 y.o. niece is using Zoosk on Facebook. I think this is very bad, and I'm truly wondering if her mother wants to be a grandma before the kid turns 16.

2. I had five minutes alone with my dad while my mom went to the bathroom yesterday and then he called me today while she was at the doctor.
She stopped taking her Arocet (anti-Alzheimer's) some time ago because it was making her nauseated. She did not share this with the doctor in order to find something more suitable or a solution for the nausea and my dad didn't make her. She hadn't been taking it for very long. He sees the same doctor and at his last appointment he told him about this because he was unable to go with my mom today (which I told him I thought was a terrible idea).
I've noticed that she's getting worse in telling the same stories again and again and he told me today that she is starting to get lost in her own kitchen and forgetting where things are.
I am stumped. He talked to her last night about her worsening condition and she got really angry and defensive and I don't know how we put up a united front without her getting super defensive and attacked-feeling and shutting down. Plus with dementia comes paranoia and confusion anyway.
I am sure she is frightened, but I am sort of at a loss... SHE WATCHED HER OWN MOTHER DIE FROM THIS AND IT WAS NOT PLEASANT. Why would you not be then super-interested in every prophylactic and preventative measure in the book???

I don't know what to do.

And it seems like they are going to hide stuff from me, the both of them. Even today my dad was making excuses, "well the Arocet WAS making her really nauseated..." and I just shut that down with, "YOU DON'T STOP TAKING PRESCRIBED MEDICINES WITHOUT INFORMING YOUR PHYSICIAN, PERIOD."

Ugh, it's coming.

[Deleted]

Can you call her doctor and tell him your concerns?

Are there support groups for families? They would have really good ideas for you on dealing with this.


I'm sorry. DH's grandma battled Alzheimer's and it was so hard. The biggest problem being you use your brain to make decisions like taking medication and her brain is working against her right now

[Deleted]

1. What is Zoosk?

2. I am soo very sorry your mom is doing this and you have to witness it. It sounds like her symptoms may be worse than she is exhibiting if she is getting that defensive given her family history. We had a similar situation with my uncle recently and his kids had enough of him not talking to his doctor. They showed up one day on his door step and took him to the doctor without an appointment and made the doctor see him that day. They got all of their and his questions answered, got his meds and now one of them makes sure he takes them and is refilling his percriptions. I'm so sorry, what a terrible situation. I hate alzheimers!!

[Marle]

Oh I'm so sorry about your mom. Does she have a health surrogate?

And I have no idea what zoosk is.

[eightangryreindeer]

I had to e-mail them about something else today and I just put a line in that said I looked forward to hearing about how her appointment went. I am hoping he put her on some new meds. She never told me in the first place that she was going to start on the Arocet so clearly I need to start being more on the ball about this stuff with both of them.

A support group is a good idea, I should check that out.

[eightangryreindeer]

I haven't checked Zoosk out thoroughly but it is a dating site. That looks skeevy. And for adults.

I'm wondering if I should stalk her on it and see if she's got a profile lying about her age...

[gozf]

Oh, geez. I am so sorry. This sounds incredibly difficult to deal with.

[Bernadine]

I have no idea what zoosk is.

I'm sorry about your mother. That has to be so rough. My parents are also of the hide it mentality, but luckily there have only been a few scares and no major health issues yet.

[mypunkinpie]

Jul 18, 2012 15:25:22 GMT -5 eightangryreindeer said:

I haven't checked Zoosk out thoroughly but it is a dating site. That looks skeevy. And for adults.

I'm wondering if I should stalk her on it and see if she's got a profile lying about her age...

I would totally do that. She's 15 FFS.

[janegold]

LTP, Exelon is a good alternative to Aricept. Maybe she would have a better time with that.

[jane6672]

I'm sorry. =(

Laptop, was it your niece(s?) that have the really crummy parents? One of them was struggling with bedwetting type stuff and hiding it because of family issues?

[zozo]

Zoosk for a 15yo is bad news. Are you in a position to discuss this with her parents? Maybe they aren't aware of this.

I'm so sorry about your parents' situation. I have no advice to give as I've never been in a similar situation. Is it possible for you to go to the doctor's with her once in a while so you're kept in the loop?

[eightangryreindeer]

Jul 18, 2012 15:28:47 GMT -5 jane6672 said:

I'm sorry. =(

Laptop, was it your niece(s?) that have the really crummy parents? One of them was struggling with bedwetting type stuff and hiding it because of family issues?

Yes this is the same niece who was bedwetting. Her parents have remained clueless. Nigel and I have had to alert them once already about inappropriate FB postings.

She is just EXACTLY the type to get into trouble with too many things I hate to even think about. Damaged, vulnerable and naive.

[eightangryreindeer]

Aricept! Thank you.

Clearly I need to do more here. I'll discuss me starting to go to her appointments with both of them. I am their executor and POA so it goes to follow that I'd be her advocate.

[Deleted]

Aww man. I would definately create a profile and stalk her.

[sonrisa]

Uggh. I want to send you a hug.

[eightangryreindeer]

Jul 18, 2012 15:37:26 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

Uggh. I want to send you a hug.

Thanks man. I know you know.

I guess these things take us by surprise no matter how much we know they're on the horizon... hell, they're already here.

[Bernadine]

Yes, absolutely stalk her. And I think you should try to get to dr's appointments with your mom. I'm so sorry.

[cleo29]

i would call her doctor. It's not the exact same, but in her later years one of my uncles always went with my Gram to her doctor appointments so that they could hear what the doctor was telling her and filling the doctor in on things she would leave out.

I am sorry you are facing this situation, it is so crappy, but I think someone needs to be the advocate for her since she is not her right mind to truly do so for herself.

big, big hugs


p.s. - I think I would be able to withstand my mom's anger, knowing it is the disease talking and not her, if it meant getting her on the right medication road.

[dfl]

I'm so sorry LAP. I had no idea you were going thru this with your mom. Same story here.

It's the disease that makes them make the bad choices. your dad will be up and down with being united with you.....kind of like a denial. My mom's mother went thru the same thing and I get so angry with my mom and her issue's because she should know better after having gone thru it with her mom...BUT I have to remember her mind is not able to work correctly.


If you have a POA you need to get copies to her Dr's. and be sure to be there for all her appointments. I have to do this with my mom. she can't keep track of them or get them scheduled. I'm just so sorry you have to deal with this. It SUCKS!

[eightangryreindeer]

Jul 18, 2012 15:43:25 GMT -5 cleo29 said:

i would call her doctor. It's not the exact same, but in her later years one of my uncles always went with my Gram to her doctor appointments so that they could hear what the doctor was telling her and filling the doctor in on things she would leave out.

I am sorry you are facing this situation, it is so crappy, but I think someone needs to be the advocate for her since she is not her right mind to truly do so for herself.

big, big hugs


p.s. - I think I would be able to withstand my mom's anger, knowing it is the disease talking and not her, if it meant getting her on the right medication road.

I know. And I need to take some of this off of my dad. I feel so bad, he is just trying to help her because we love her, you know? I am clearly going to have to play bad cop, because he has to live with her, not me.

I feel like I dropped a ball here while my head was so far up my own ass for the last year.

[cleo29]

By the way, I am not sure if any of you have read this book, but I loved it. It is eye opening and touching all at the same time.

www.powells.com/biblio/9780670038596

[eightangryreindeer]

wqA

Jul 18, 2012 15:44:22 GMT -5 dfl said:

I'm so sorry LAP. I had no idea you were going thru this with your mom. Same story here.

It's the disease that makes them make the bad choices. your dad will be up and down with being united with you.....kind of like a denial. My mom's mother went thru the same thing and I get so angry with my mom and her issue's because she should know better after having gone thru it with her mom...BUT I have to remember her mind is not able to work correctly.


If you have a POA you need to get copies to her Dr's. and be sure to be there for all her appointments. I have to do this with my mom. she can't keep track of them or get them scheduled. I'm just so sorry you have to deal with this. It SUCKS!

They absolutely forget what it was like with their own parents, I'm convinced. It's going to be equally as hard if not harder for me to get my dad to stop driving even though he went through it with his own father. I just know it is!

[cleo29]

Jul 18, 2012 15:50:48 GMT -5 eightangryreindeer said:

Jul 18, 2012 15:43:25 GMT -5 cleo29 said:

i would call her doctor. It's not the exact same, but in her later years one of my uncles always went with my Gram to her doctor appointments so that they could hear what the doctor was telling her and filling the doctor in on things she would leave out.

I am sorry you are facing this situation, it is so crappy, but I think someone needs to be the advocate for her since she is not her right mind to truly do so for herself.

big, big hugs


p.s. - I think I would be able to withstand my mom's anger, knowing it is the disease talking and not her, if it meant getting her on the right medication road.

I know. And I need to take some of this off of my dad. I feel so bad, he is just trying to help her because we love her, you know? I am clearly going to have to play bad cop, because he has to live with her, not me.

I feel like I dropped a ball here while my head was so far up my own ass for the last year.

Don't beat yourself up about it, you had a lot going on and honestly, if they are not telling you things, you can't know that something is wrong.

The big thing is, you are aware now and want to help your dad through this process. In future, I definitely think you should attend her doctor appointment (if you can make it work) so that you can hear what he has to say, mention symptoms that you are seeing that your mom will most likely not mention, etc.

I do think parents have a really hard time letting their kids step into this role of care taker, but if the situation were reversed and their child was doing the same thing, I bet they would be in your face and doing anything they could to help you get better or at least manage things better.

big, big hugs.

[ering1115]

sorry about both LTP.

It took about 6 doc appts before my gmom stopped kicking me out of the office. Once she realized she wasn't going to be able to get rid of me, it made like a whole lot easier. I hope you are able to work something out for her meds. I know there are some non-medical therapies that they are trying too (different activities to stimulate the brain) that may be helpful. I wish nothing but the best for you guys.

[LLL]

Oh, good luck with both problems. ((hugs))

[leeann]

It is possible that the Zoosk thing is just a spam like ad and she's not really using it. Not saying you shouldn't investigate, but Zoosk is really skeevy/cheesy looking and I could see it just being one of those "win a free Ipad like your FB friend did" things that are not true.

[scotty]

That is a tough spot to be in with your mom. I hope that she finds a way to manage it that works better for her.

[eightangryreindeer]

Thanks you guys you're the awesomest.

[gault]

I'm really, really sorry ltp

You're a really good person, you know.