What was a "defining moment" in your relationship?

[dr.girlfriend]

Totally random question, but I've been thinking about it this morning for some reason. Of course DH and I have had a lot of great and not-great moments in the ten years we've been together, but here's one of the moments I still think of so clearly as being the moment it all changed:

I had been kind of casually dating DH, telling myself that I wasn't sure if I was that interested in him. I wouldn't even put his info into my PalmPilot (yes, we're going that far back). He lived in the city without a car, so for dates I used to drive up to the circle in front of his apartment building and call up, and then he'd come down to meet me.

One day when we had only been dating for a month or so, I called up and his voice was really weird when he said he was coming down. All of a sudden I thought, "He's going to break up with me." And my heart started racing, I felt a little dizzy, the whole bit -- basically had a little freak-out in the driver's seat of my car. I was like, "What the hell is wrong with you -- you're not even sure if you like the guy." And just like that, the big revelation. Yes, I do like him. I like him a LOT. And if we break up today, I will be really, really upset.

Turns out his weird voice was nothing to do with us...he had just gotten put in the middle of a friend drama (found out a friend was cheating on another friend with a third friend, and was all angsty about whether he should tell). But, that was the moment I realized I liked-maybe-loved him.

Anyway, there's my story for a rainy Tuesday. Tell yours if you like.

[Pom]

We were going to meet his dad and his dad's wife for dinner. DH was freaking out in the car on the way there.
Me: "Are you ashamed of me or something"?
Him: "God no. My dad is nuts though, and I am afraid you will run screaming away from me".
Me: "I am not dating your dad".
Him: "But I want you to stay with me forever".
My heart was melted.

[CloudBee]

The first time he told me he loved me. He reached his hand to my face, dragged one finger across my cheek, wiping a hair off my face and tucking it behind my ear, while whispering he loved me. I melted into a puddle.

[Deleted]

I've had two.

We met when I was in the process of deciding where to go to law school. I had to make my decision about three months after we first emailed and about six weeks after we first started dating. My best scholarship offers narrowed it down to about five schools: two in the midwest, one in North Carolina, and two in Texas. I was seriously tempted by one of the Texas schools and the NC school, but I knew that it seemed unlikely such a new relationship could survive if we were that far apart. I was 21 and had been dating this guy for six weeks, but I decided it was worth it to give it a shot and move to the midwest.

The other moment came during my 1L year. We'd been dating just over a year, and I went overseas for spring break. I didn't get to call or email him the entire time I was gone. When I got back, we talked for three hours even though I was on the verge of falling asleep. We both said we never wanted to go that long without talking again. I think that's when I knew I wanted to marry him.

[SJ]

Two come to mind:

1) The first time I went to Indonesia with him to see where he was raised and to visit his parents in their natural, day-to-day lives. We had been dating for 1.5 years at this point, but we weren't the type that knew we'd be together from Day 1. We fought a lot at the beginning of our relationship, and I'd say it wasn't until this trip that I really "knew" we would end up together. Something about seeing so much of his history and family life really clicked for me and I realized I didn't want to be without him.

2) Deciding to take the plunge and start his business. It was a huge leap of faith on both of our parts, but I was (and am!) so dedicated to the dream and the idea that he can make a living doing something he loves and not just sitting in an office (sitting in an office works great for me, but he could never do it). It is really only in the last year that it has really taken off, but working together on it has brought us closer together in lots of ways.

[IIOY]

I had little interest in H until our fourth date, and have no clue why I kept agreeing to go out with him. However, something about our conversation during the fourth date just clicked and by the end of it, I thought I might be legitimately interested.

Then I took a vacation by myself and while I was gone, spent a lot of time thinking about him. I realized that I missed him, and that sealed the deal from my perspective.

[Brie]

We got drunk about 4 or 5 months into our relationship and he told me he wanted to have babies with me. And he didn't deny it in the morning when we were sober.

And here we are.

[honeybee]

We had been dating for about six months. I had been away for a few weeks, when I got home we were sitting together just happy to be back. I was leaning against him and he said, "I'm going to spend the rest of my life with you."

Just a quiet, matter of fact statement. I knew I was sunk right then.

[womet]

When my cat died, he was amazing. I was a complete mess. He drove me to my dad's house so that we could bury the cat. He dug the hole in the rain and helped me place Pete in the grave. He drove me home, let me bawl my eyes out the rest of the evening on the couch.

[savannah11]

I don't remember the circumstances surrounding it, but about 4 months into the relationship I walked into my college roommate's room and told her that I was never breaking up with him. I couldn't help it if he decided to break up with me but I was in it forever. She just nodded and said she knew that already.

I'd love to say that we rode off into the sunset after that but there were still some hard years to get where we are now. I just knew early on that it was worth fighting for.

[Mrs.Beagle]

A previous boyfriend told me he wanted to marry me and I ran into the bathroom to vomit.

I thought about marrying H and didn't get naseaus at all.

Romantic, right?

[melmo1122]

We have only been dating for 4 and 1/2 months but I know I am going to marry this guy.

He works nights at the pentagon and calls me in the morning on his drive home while I'm getting ready for work. One morning about a month into dating he called and he was so exhausted. He told me he just wanted to say hi but he needed to put his window down to stay awake and he would call me when he got home, usually around 9am. I don't hear from him so around 930 I call and no answer. 10, 11 no answer... now I'm really starting to worry. I check traffic reports and there's an accident on the route he takes and I get the worst feeling in my stomach that something happened to him.

Around 5pm my boss asks me if I am seeing him tonight and my eyes well up with tears and I tell her I haven't heard from him.

Finally around 6pm I get in touch with him. He was so exhausted he just passed out when he got home. OMG i read him the riot act and made him promise never to do that again.

that is when i knew i loved him and one day he will be my husband.

[Deleted]

We were both students at Virginia tech. I was on campus when the shooting happened and the school was on lock down all day. Internet and phone lines weren't working so I couldn't find out if he was okay. One of the classes that was attacked in Norris hall was a french class (h was taking French but in a different section). His teacher and classmates died. The combination of spending an entire day not knowing if he was ok and H losing people in that manner really brought us closer. Do not stress over petty things in life or in your relationship... It's not worth it.

[Deleted]

DH was supposed to be a one night stand. (Yeah, I know that makes me sound like a slut, I liked no strings attached sex.) That one night turned into a whole weekend. On Sunday afternoon I was getting in my car to leave and he bent me back and kissed me. It was like one of those kisses you see in the movies that I didn't think happened in real life. (And yes, I also realize how Knot-ish that sounds.)

I was so speechless all I said was "call me." We would call each other and talk for hours. For the next three months, until my semester was over and we could make living arrangements, he would drive hours to his house from whatever town he was working in and I would drive two hours from my apartment, and we would spend the whole weekend together. Sometimes during the week we would drive hours just to see each other for two or three hours after work.

It was insanity.

[adlove]

A few of the most significant defining moments have happened since marriage.

The first was our decision to move abroad. I'm much less outgoing than he is so this threw me way out of my comfort zone, but I trust him and knew he'd "take care of" me. At the same time, his sister was battling cancer, and it made the decision much more difficult. She was doing well at the time of our move, had we known what was to come I'm not sure we would have left.

Our relationship has changed and grown quite a bit over the last year especially. We have both become each others' strongest source of support. I'd say the second most defining moment would be his sister's passing. We were both able to be with her and it was truly the most unbelievable moment I've ever experienced. We were both very close to her, she was only 27, and the loss has been unbearable. To have to rely on only each other while we are so far from family has strengthened our relationship more than I could ever imagine.

My heart could never break more for anyone else on this planet, which is why I believe we'll always be together.

[ssmjlm]

He drove 3.5 hours to see me on Christmas Eve (and get a booty call) and then drove back home 3.5 hours Christmas Morning but he said he wanted to "wake up on Christmas Day with the one he loved."

We had only been dating about 6 weeks by then and I was living at home. Thank god my parents are awesome.

[mollz007]

We've had alot of good moments during the two years that we've been together, but right now one is sticking out to me. We had been married for about 6 months, and we were going through a rough patch. During one particularily bad argument, he said to me "I just want you to be happy, even if it means not being with me." That just broke my heart and it shows how much he loves me.

[countthestars]

I brought him a coffee one day after we had only been dating a couple of weeks. He was really nervous and grabbed a candy bar that was sitting on his dresser and gave it to me in exchange for the coffee. He said later that no one had ever done something so thoughtful for him and he didn't know how to respond. I thought it was so cute that he considered the coffee so thoughtful.

[gumi]

although my mother always liked my boyfriends, she was always the first to say "he isnt the one." she even reminded me during my longer relationships (3+ years). i always wanted to prove her wrong but she rarely is ever wrong (damn her).

anyway, one night in college, my boyfriend (now husband) and I had a very dramatic, PMDD-triggered, emotional fight. At least I was emotional/crazy - he was just pissed. So he packed up my stuff and took me to my mom's house. He dropped me off in her front yard with my suitcase and drove away. i was hysterical but my mom was pleased. her response: "i like him! he stands up to you. make this work."

so i did ;D

[heygrey]

i didn't plan on marrying h. he was my first serious boyfriend and i just thought i'd date more before settling down...

~6 weeks after we started dating i had surgery to remove a decent size lump from my breast. naturally, at the ripe old age of barely 20 i was freaking the f out. i was sure that he'd break up with me instantly upon learning that 1) my boob would be deformed, 2) there was a good possibility it was malignant, and 3) the hormones associated with the lump could have affected my ability to have kids. i told him all this over the phone because i didn't want to see his face while he broke up with me, but he never once wavered. he was there after my surgery, he took care of me while i was craaazy from the pain killers, and assured me that he was sticking with me for better or worse.

we didn't discuss it then (probably because i was high as a kite), but some months later we both agreed that that was the defining moment for both of us. he was absolutely committed even if the worst case scenario came true and i decided there was no reason to date more guys if i picked the best the first time.

[chessie]

My car accident 7 years ago. For 2 weeks, he never left my side in ICU. He carried me everywhere that summer so I wouldn't miss out.

[lmb5109]

I broke up with DH after a month of dating. It was just so intense and I freaked out. He was the first guy that didn't play games and he told me exactly what he was feeling for me.

I had a foot surgery scheduled for the next month and DH called me a few days after I broke up with him and said if I still needed him to take me to my surgery and take care of me for the 2 weeks after, he'd love to help me.

I asked if I could come over and talk and on the drive over there, I realized I was an idiot for breaking up with the guy I said I always wanted to marry. We were engaged 3 months later.

[ejpint]

When we started dating, I was kind of in limbo. I had moved to Iowa from Chicago a few months prior, and wasn't entirely sure I was going to stay. 75% of my stuff was still in a storage unit in the city, and I was actively applying for jobs in Chicago. I had a job in Iowa, but I wasn't very happy with it, and I missed Chicago a lot.

After we'd been dating about a month, I got a pretty good offer for a new job in Iowa. I decided it was time to bite the bullet and stick it out here. After all, I could buy an entire house for less than the cost of a 1BR condo in my Chicago building. Plus, this guy I was seeing was kind of great.

After knowing me for only four weeks, this guy drove with me to Chicago, met my crazy parents (who were driving the moving van), helped move my crap from the storage unit to the van (it was a lot of crap), and even acted like he was having fun the whole time. I knew at that point I had made the right decision.

[definitelyO]

DH and I had been back and forth a lot as friends. He liked me - liked me. and I liked him as a friend. we kissed a few times, but no spark for me - but he was fun and I liked hanging out with him and we were in the same group of friends.

I dated a few "losers" during the time we were friends and one time when I was inbetween boyfriends we were out at a bar with a few other friends. we were talking and he asked me why I wouldn't go out with him. I told him it was because I didn't want to ruin our friendship.

I was standing with my back against the wall and he was in front of me during this coversation. he looked at me - look my face in his hands told me "but I don't want to be your FRIEND" and then he laid one of the best kisses ever on me.

made me open my eyes and see him for someone who I was attracted to and also that he was someone who really had his shit together and was going to treat me good.

[Awkward]

Ok, one kind of silly one and one more serious. SO and I have been together 2 and a half years.

1- I found out within the first week of dating that he hates green peppers as much as I do. I had never met anyone else who didn't like them, and I took it as a sign.

2- We had been dating a few months when his grandfather passed away two days before my birthday. The wake was the day of my birthday. I was cranky that we weren't able to go out to lunch for my birthday and was being dramatic about it. I am ashamed of how I acted and completely deserved to be dumped then and there. I still feel guilty two years later.
But SO, unbelieveably, forgave me. He said that it would take something a lot worse than being bitchy at an inopportune moment to end our relationship, that's how much he loves me. He is exceptionally patient and kind, and I can't imagine being without him.

[Lissa]

DH and I were friends back in college, but lost touch a few months after graduating. We reconnected over IM and phone calls 3+ yrs later. We planned for him to drive down (2hrs) on a Friday night to go see LOTR:ROTK. I sent him a message saying lets change it to Saturday and he completely misread it to mean bring a change of clothes for Saturday. We figured out the misunderstanding over the phone, but I didn't object. He felt terrible and I knew nothing sexual was assumed. I liked the idea and we spent the entire weekend together as our first "date." I was completely ok with it, and I knew he just might be the one.

Just 2 months later, we spent a weeklong vacation to WDW together. We had such an amazing time. We both knew this was it and he proposed there a few yrs later.

[ijack]

I took H with me to watch a play with a little boy I used to nanny in it. He was so awesome through the whole thing and even videotaped it for the mom. After we all went out to dinner and he taught the little boy to use the camera and I was sold.

Actually if I'm being honest the most defining moment was after we met - the next morning he gave me his number and told me to call him if I ever wanted to hang out. I had NEVER called a boy without them calling me first, but I did for him

[bluelikejazz]

Religious story ahead, you've been warned:

We'd been dating for about a month, and I was having some friend drama. I was talking to a friend while I walked home from class and he was coming over to meet me. The phone conversation lasted longer than I thought it would, and he came inside and just let me finish the call.

The friend I was on the phone with was praying with me as we finished up and as soon as she said "God, put your arms around BLJ and let her know you are with her" he had wrapped his arms around me and gave me this hug. When I hung up I asked if he had heard any of the other end of the conversation. He hadn't. I knew that hug was both from him and God. I broke down in tears and knew he was the one.

[mrshandy]

DH and I met working at Ruby Tuesday and dated for a summer after finishing undergrad when I was living with my parents in FL saving $$$ for grad school. Then I moved away to DC to start grad school with no intention of coming back to FL except for the occasional visit.

We stayed friends and I convinced him to come visit me in DC 9 months or so after I moved to DC.

That was the trip where we decided that we were going to make this work. We had so much fun and really connected. It's a little crazy, but he moved to DC 6 months later and we got an apartment. Got engaged 8 months later, and married a year after that.

[froggy76]

DH visited my dying grandmother in the nursing home and brought her flowers. This was completely on his own, while we were in college and I was 6 hours away. And he didn't even mention it to me until afterwards... like it was NBD.