In light of previous sleep-rape-or-not-rape talk..

[2curlydogs]

*goes and sits next to Prudie*

[charminglife]

I have no idea why she married her husband if she truly believes that he raped her when they were dating.

[penguingrrl]

It sounds like they need to establish rules very clearly. If she feels uncomfortable with having drunken sex, even if at the time she likes and enjoys it, then they need to set a boundary that drunken consent does not count in their relationship.

I personally love drunken sex and would not have the feelings of being violated that she apparently does following it, but if it makes her uncomfortable then it needs to be off limits.

I don't think she needs to DTMFA, just that they need to establish rules. It also sounds like they could use counseling for these issues, if for no other reason than to help establish what they are and are not comfortable with.

[pescalita]

:::high fives Prudie and waits for someone to be disappointed:::

[SallyJ]

If she doesn't remember it how does she know he went against their rule of 'asking for consent'. Maybe she gave consent and doesn't remember it?

[dylanite]

Dude needs to DTMFB.

[chichimi]

Wasnt he drunk as well?
I cant be the only one who has initiated sex while someone was sleeping/in an altered state of mind. If you are both drunk/out of it/sleepy zombie then how can you determine who raped who?

[pixy0stix]

Jul 19, 2012 8:50:18 GMT -5 penguingrrl said:

It sounds like they need to establish rules very clearly. If she feels uncomfortable with having drunken sex, even if at the time she likes and enjoys it, then they need to set a boundary that drunken consent does not count in their relationship.

It sounds like they already had the boundaries, and have already been to counseling. So these words of standard nestie advice have already been done. What do you do after that point?

[pixy0stix]

Jul 19, 2012 8:58:14 GMT -5 @soudesafinado said:

This lady sounds nuts.

But I wonder if there is something else in her history she hasn't stated here that would create all this anxiety.

Yeah, I'm thinking her husband isn't the problem here.

[mrshandy]

Team Prudie

DH and I used to enjoy drunken sex. One time when we were dating, DH was like "that was some awesome sex last night". I'm like 'Yeah, TBH I don't really remember it very well."

Now I prefer non-drunken sex, but we'll enjoy it every now and then. Although after DS, our definition of drunken has changed from drinking liquor all night at the bar to one or two glasses of wine/beer in front of the tv.

[pamela]

Jul 19, 2012 8:59:23 GMT -5 pixy0stix said:

Jul 19, 2012 8:58:14 GMT -5 @soudesafinado said:

This lady sounds nuts.

But I wonder if there is something else in her history she hasn't stated here that would create all this anxiety.

Yeah, I'm thinking her husband isn't the problem here.

Agreed.

[penguingrrl]

Jul 19, 2012 8:58:47 GMT -5 pixy0stix said:

Jul 19, 2012 8:50:18 GMT -5 penguingrrl said:

It sounds like they need to establish rules very clearly. If she feels uncomfortable with having drunken sex, even if at the time she likes and enjoys it, then they need to set a boundary that drunken consent does not count in their relationship.

It sounds like they already had the boundaries, and have already been to counseling. So these words of standard nestie advice have already been done. What do you do after that point?

Good point. Honestly, she sounds like a bitch and he sounds like a nice guy.

[heyjude]

Unity horse!

[Deleted]

Homegirl needs some serious therapy. She herself said she went along with it but now since she's a little hazy on the deets in the morning light, she's flipping her shit??

Am I the only one wondering what went on in her childhood that she reacts this way?

[mexicali]

I am thinking there are deeper issues with this girl.

I have "raped" H several times if that includes jumping on someone who is partially intoxicated, half asleep and didn't know what was going on till we were in the midst of doing something and vice versa. Neither of us have ever complained, so we have a very open line.

[pescalita]

Jul 19, 2012 8:58:00 GMT -5 @chichimi said:

Wasnt he drunk as well?
I cant be the only one who has initiated sex while someone was sleeping/in an altered state of mind. If you are both drunk/out of it/sleepy zombie then how can you determine who raped who?

MrP has initiated in his sleep, and woken up assuming I initiated. We were stone cold sober. Who raped who?!?!

[mominatrix]

Jul 19, 2012 8:57:51 GMT -5 nuggetbrain said:

Actually, the more I think about it the more bad I feel for this guy.

Feel sorry for her husband, eh?


actually, ITA.
It's one thing if you meet a guy at a frat party, and go up to his room, to do the "no means no, and a drunken 'yes' doesn't count" thing.

...but having tipsy sex after years of marriage? Unless there was a clear line of demarkation that was discussed when sober... "Listen, I don't like the feeling of waking up and not remembering shit. So, if I'm super drunk, it's never sexytime, OK?" and he violated that, then I don't really see it.

[wawa]

Does anybody have a link to the "implied consent" clusterfuck thread from the Other Place because I'm trying to remember what was so different about that scenario that everybody was on the other side and drawing a blank.

(not saying there wasn't a difference. I just don't remember it.)

[secretlyevil]

team prudie myself

Think this girl needs to start exploring the deeper issue here and its not her H.

[sillygoosegirl]

I want to know how they got home from the wine tasting if she now thinks she was too drunk to give concent.