@ Local Moms group question (a WWYD)

[caden]

I joined a new Moms group (MOPS) and our first GTG is coming up. I know maybe half the women that came to the first meeting (the only other meeting), the others I'd never met before. Our first outing is a mom's night out. One of the girls I know just FB'd a few of us in the group and suggested we all bring gifts for the leader of this group b/c she just had a new baby. I barely know this person. I'll be honest, I don't want to get a gift. I'll gladly make her a meal, or loan her some boy stuff since she had a boy, but I don't feel the need to get a gift. And I'm thinking of other moms in this group who know this leader even less than I do and who aren't included in this FB message. Wouldn't it be weird/uncomfortable for them to come to a moms night out event and find out it's actually something of a shower? So WDYT? Is this normal? Am I just being scroogy, and this is a nice way to get to know other moms and make the group something of a support system for moms of new babies? Should I respond to the message that it might make people feel uncomfortable if they don't know about it, or b/c this is a new group it's ok....

[ECB]

I think I would say something, to be honest. Just a "heart is in the right place fo rthose of us who know her well, but as quite a few people coming don't know her, they may feel uncomfortable that this is kind of a mini-shower. Is it possible to give gifts at another time?"

[teflep]

It is like that Seinfeld episode where they all had to chip in money for a cake. I'd just ignore the FB message and either bring a small token or not. Up to you. The small token could just be "Oh, I saw it late so I wanted to bring something" so as to not look like a scrooge. I know you are not, but new groups can be odd when it comes to dynamics, etc.

[heyjude]

I think it's so weird when people do stuff like this. If want to give a gift, give a gift. Don't make everyone else feel compelled to do the same.

This reminds me of that Friends episode w/ Ross and the maintenance guy retirement party.

[heightsyankee]

Jul 19, 2012 14:02:34 GMT -5 ECB said:

I think I would say something, to be honest. Just a "heart is in the right place fo rthose of us who know her well, but as quite a few people coming don't know her, they may feel uncomfortable that this is kind of a mini-shower. Is it possible to give gifts at another time?"

I would say something, too. This is also going to put the burden of thank you note writing on a new mom when she probably already has enough to do. I would go ahead and be the 1st to say you don't think it's appropriate and I bet others will follow.

[caden]

Jul 19, 2012 14:08:47 GMT -5 heightsyankee said:

Jul 19, 2012 14:02:34 GMT -5 ECB said:

I think I would say something, to be honest. Just a "heart is in the right place fo rthose of us who know her well, but as quite a few people coming don't know her, they may feel uncomfortable that this is kind of a mini-shower. Is it possible to give gifts at another time?"

I would say something, too. This is also going to put the burden of thank you note writing on a new mom when she probably already has enough to do. I would go ahead and be the 1st to say you don't think it's appropriate and I bet others will follow.

I was late in seeing the message and 2 (out of 4, 5 incl the person who sent the message) others have said they will bring gifts.

Also I don't actually know who is coming to this. There's no rsvp so it's just an informal "come if you want" type of thing. ETA: so for all I know we're the only ones going and it wouldn't be weird. then I'll feel like a scrooge.

[heightsyankee]

It always happens like this, I think: the 1st person who pipes up and agrees or disagrees sets the tone. Once one person is like "great idea!" there is no going back. You could still bring food- a plate of cookies or brownies or a pie that doesn't need to be refrigerated.

[ECB]

Jul 19, 2012 14:05:25 GMT -5 heyjude said:

I think it's so weird when people do stuff like this. If want to give a gift, give a gift. Don't make everyone else feel compelled to do the same.

This reminds me of that Friends episode w/ Ross and the maintenance guy retirement party.

I agree. That's what would annoy me more than anything else. This pressure to buy her something when I wouldn't otherwise.

[IIOY]

Warning: I have a bug up my ass about random gift requests. With that said...

I hate shit like this more than I hate the old man who ignored a stop sign the other day and nearly hit my car while smiling and waving at me because he thought I was leaning on my horn just to say friendly "Hello!"

Personally, I don't think you should feel obligated to give anything. Giving a gift for someone you don't even know under these circumstances is weird, and the request to do so is unfair. However, I do understand the dynamics of a new group and if you would feel funny, you might make a meal or a treat and bring that.

[KateAggie]

Consistency is so key when it comes to a group like MOPS. So unless this person plans on doing the same for every new baby, don't do it. It will lead to very hurt feelings and trouble, trouble, trouble.

I would rec. a signup for meals, and a set number. Then do the same for every new baby.

Glad you found a MOPS group!!

[cookiemdough]

Ditto KA. That was my first thought...why would they want to start this precedent? You can't give gifts for some moms and not others and I am sure there will be plenty more births to come. Generally moms groups alternate bringing meals or something useful for those first few weeks.

[caden]

Good point. So should I Debbie Down this even though a few people already said theyd bring a gift?

[KateAggie]

Yes...but soften it with the idea of meals. So you're not saying do nothing, you're saying "it's so great of you to think of her! Let's do this instead so we can do it for all of our new moms!" That's the southern way.

[caden]

OkI think this is getting worked out for the best. The originator of this debacle is shooting down every alternative idea but I think she knows it's not happening at our GTG. Phew. Thanks!!