Do a lot of guys ask about your marriage?

[Bernadine]

I've had a few guys I've talked to online ask what went wrong with my marriage. I'm curious as hell when I see that someone if separated or divorced, but I can't imagine asking before I've even met the person. Is this appropriate or not? I can't decide if I should respond to this guy.

[bullygirl979]

I had guys ask me. I think it is very rude until you actually know the person. I never ask guys until we have been out a few times and it comes up.

One guy actually had the balls to say to me "well a lot of men cheat when they don't get it at home." I wanted to castrate the fucker.

Why don't you ask him why he is so interested?

[wrathofkuus]

I think they're just trying to weed out the women whose husbands divorced them because they f*cked the best man or something. Can't blame them, really.

[charitylynne79]

This kinda goes a long with this theme. A friend of mine's sister has been married twice. The first marriage only lasted a year. She refuses to let any guy know about that marriage. Is that good or bad?

[bullygirl979]

May 15, 2012 10:54:41 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

I think they're just trying to weed out the women whose husbands divorced them because they f*cked the best man or something. Can't blame them, really.

I agree, but I don't think it is very polite to grill me about a very private matter when you don't even know me. Not to mention the fact, how do you even know if I am telling you the truth?

I could ask for a guys penis size up front, but I gotta little more class than that!

[bullygirl979]

May 15, 2012 10:55:04 GMT -5 charitylynne79 said:

This kinda goes a long with this theme. A friend of mine's sister has been married twice. The first marriage only lasted a year. She refuses to let any guy know about that marriage. Is that good or bad?

BAD! That is lying. How would she feel if a guy did that to her?

[gozf]

I would have a hard time not telling them that I killed him for asking too many questions.

[doriswe]

May 15, 2012 11:03:49 GMT -5 gozf said:

I would have a hard time not telling them that I killed him for asking too many questions.

I would probably go that route!

[dakotadangerdog]

May 15, 2012 10:57:47 GMT -5 bullygirl979 said:

May 15, 2012 10:55:04 GMT -5 charitylynne79 said:

This kinda goes a long with this theme. A friend of mine's sister has been married twice. The first marriage only lasted a year. She refuses to let any guy know about that marriage. Is that good or bad?

BAD! That is lying. How would she feel if a guy did that to her?

I was married for less than four months by the time I filed for divorce, and I still tell people about it.

[redredwine]

I don't mind talking about it at all, and if I date a divorced dude, I want to know generally what happened earlier rather than later. However; I feel that it should come up after a first date...not in emailing before and not on the first date. I find it weird and rude people ask about it before the first date.

[starburst604]

I'm 36 and never married and what I get more now is "so how come you've never been married?!". That has to be just as bad as trying to explain why you were married and now you aren't. Um, I was engaged, does that count???

[heavenly]

While I do not think that is an appropriate question to ask right away until you get to know the person better because it is very personal (It is a big turn off), I do think it is an appropriate question for later.

I do question those who are not comfortable talking about their divorce, it makes me wonder what they are hiding or maybe they are still dealing with low self-esteem. Divorce is not the end of the world and it does not define who you are but some people are still paralyze and living in fear of judgments. While I do understand that some people judge but that is their problem.
I am looking for a man who is comfortable with being himself and not being fake and their past divorce would be something I would like to know about to better gauge who he is and if he learned anything from it.

[Bernadine]

heavenly, I'm not sure if you're comment was directed at me, but I want to clarify- I have zero problem talking about the issues surrounding my divorce.

[bullygirl979]

May 15, 2012 12:11:24 GMT -5 Bernadine said:

heavenly, I'm not sure if you're comment was directed at me, but I want to clarify- I have zero problem talking about the issues surrounding my divorce.

I don't think she was. Nor do I have a problem talking about my divorce. But it is still personal and is rude to discuss when first meeting someone. Just like you wouldn't ask their medical history, salary, etc. I agree that it needs to be discussed and I would like to know in the beginning of dating, but not prior to meeting or on the first date.

[heavenly]

May 15, 2012 12:11:24 GMT -5 Bernadine said:

heavenly, I'm not sure if you're comment was directed at me, but I want to clarify- I have zero problem talking about the issues surrounding my divorce.

Oh no, it was not directly at you. Sorry for not making it clears. I was hurt and devastated by my divorce in the beginning and couldn't tell anyone because I felt ashamed even though the divorce was not my fault and out of my control. Now that I realize it was nothing to be ashamed of, I have grown into a more confident person and realize that my experiences make me who I am. Because of these experiences, I understand why others may ask about our divorce experiences. I guess I just wanted to share that for some unknown particular reasons. I am just learning to discern between a healthy and unhealthy relationships and this is one of my “tools”.

[charitylynne79]

May 15, 2012 11:18:05 GMT -5 redredwine said:

I don't mind talking about it at all, and if I date a divorced dude, I want to know generally what happened earlier rather than later. However; I feel that it should come up after a first date...not in emailing before and not on the first date. I find it weird and rude people ask about it before the first date.

Very true. M was staying with xw when we first met because he wasn't in a position to get an apt at the time being. He lied about it to me after our first few dates and then came clean. He still won't tell me what happened as to why he got divorced from xw. All he says is that they fought a lot. Whatever. Keep on lying buddy.

[Bernadine]

I didn't think it was directed at me, I just wanted to clear it up.

[halfbrit]

My DH asked me about my first marriage before we ever went out, but, then again, I asked him about his first marriage too, so I guess it was fair :-)

[Lauren88]

I've had some guy ask me this and I ended that conversation real quick. It's not something you ask right out of the gate and if it happens again i'll just say I don't want to go into it right now.

[nextchapter]

I have had a few guys ask me about the divorce on the first date and one asked me about it twice. It's a huge turn-off and it always leaves me thinking that the guy will behave inappropriately in other situtions, or that he has a lot of baggage.

[achase123]

I think it's good to wait a little while, but honestly I don't get super offended when the conversation comes up sooner rather than later. I think it also says a lot about a person when you see their reaction to the same question.

I've seen men who immediately go off about their ex and how horrible she was. That's a huge red flag because it's never just one person's fault and it also shows they may still have some issues with what happened.

Obviously if THEY were a cheater this is a huge red flag.

I've gotten pretty good at telling if someone is still on the rebound since I've dated a few who weren't over their exes yet.