I have 26 years clean and sober today!!

[flex]

Since alcoholism and how it affects ML'ers has come up a lot recently, I want to give you a little insight on how the "active" alcoholic thinks.



My drinking career was a relatively short one: I had my first black-out at 17 and I stopped drinking at 27. I was a sloppy, stupid, awkward drunk. I didn't drink daily. The stresses of my life as a young mother of 2 would get to me and I'd disappear for whatever reason and get shit-faced somewhere, then find myself getting into some kind of trouble or another. What was really scary was the black-outs. Hours of my life were wiped clean from my memory. One of my biggest fears is I would kill someone during a black-out and not even be aware of it. Quite frankly, it made no difference if I died--I just didn't want to take anyone else with me.



I hated myself so much. I couldn't control my drinking and what would happen once I picked up that first drink. I won't go into detail the things I did while I was drunk, but I will say that I kept hoping that somehow I could train myself to drink like a lady and not fall into yet another black-out. It never worked.



In closing, I knew I was a effed-up mess, but I hid it behind this facade of false bravado--a devil-may-care attitude. It may have appeared to other people that I didn't care about what I did, but that was just a method of self preservation: But deep inside I cared a great deal--I cared so much I wanted to die.



Anyway, enough of that sob story....



I have 26 years today and life is good.



EVERYBODY DANCE NOW!!!

[lexxasaurus]

I put a congratulations for you in the other thread, but I figured here is a good place to expand a bit.

I remember you posting when you hit 25 years, and it was right around the time I realized I was getting to a point where I couldn't hide my addiction anymore. I I was astounded to hear how good your life has become, and that it was possible to go that many years and be happy and conquer those demons. So many people I know who have recovered didn't do it until they were much older, so to know that you quit in your mid twenties (I'm 26) was comforting to me. I I realized it isn't impossible, and I could get my life in control before it got worse.

You are so inspiring, and it warms my heart to know you have this many years under your belt and are happy and healthy. I hope one day to be able to say I have as many years, it is just so amazing to me.

[flex]

you just have to take it one day at a time. to me sobriety is as natural as breathing. : )

[btay]

congratulations!!!!

[crashgizmo]

Congratulations! That's wonderful!

I have a question- based on my experience with my exH. Do you "miss" it? Did you ever? My exH had gone through a few periods of not drinking and he said he just missed it too much. I wonder if that's true for everyone.

[flex]

Jul 3, 2014 11:35:03 GMT -5 crashgizmo said:

Congratulations! That's wonderful!

I have a question- based on my experience with my exH. Do you "miss" it? Did you ever? My exH had gone through a few periods of not drinking and he said he just missed it too much. I wonder if that's true for everyone.

I do not miss it.  Not in the slightest. But everybody's experience in recovery is different.

Since your ex-h missed it so much, I wonder if he had embraced working the Steps or had a sponsor or went to meetings.  If a person just tries to "white knuckle" not drinking and/or using without a foundation of a new way of thinking and living, they're going to return to the life they are "comfortable" with (drinking and using), even if it brings upon disastrous results.

Like my counselor in the outpatient program I went through when I first sobered up said:  "Taking out drinking/using from your life creates a hole.  If you don't fill that hole with something else, you'll once again fill that hole with drinking/using."

Make sense?

[malibu]

You are awesome, flex. Seriously. The advice and words you've had for me as my H's story has unfolded have been priceless.

[redredwine]

SO SO awesome!!

[Deleted]

Congratulations, flex! I'm coming up on seven soon.

[krisandgrace]

Congrats flex, that is awesome! I have 19 years, it is amazing. I remember when I first came in to the programs and meeting people with a year and wondering how in the world they ever did that.

[flex]

Jul 7, 2014 15:09:16 GMT -5 krisandgrace said:

Congrats flex, that is awesome! I have 19 years, it is amazing. I remember when I first came in to the programs and meeting people with a year and wondering how in the world they ever did that.

I know, right?  When I first tried to get sober, I went to a meeting where a guy was celebrating SEVEN YEARS and everybody was clapping!  I thought "No way!  Wow!  Really???"    I still know that guy and I'll bet he has close to 35 years sober now(if not already).

[krisandgrace]

Jul 7, 2014 15:11:30 GMT -5 flex said:

Jul 7, 2014 15:09:16 GMT -5 krisandgrace said:

Congrats flex, that is awesome! I have 19 years, it is amazing. I remember when I first came in to the programs and meeting people with a year and wondering how in the world they ever did that.

I know, right?  When I first tried to get sober, I went to a meeting where a guy was celebrating SEVEN YEARS and everybody was clapping!  I thought "No way!  Wow!  Really???"    I still know that guy and I'll bet he has close to 35 years sober now(if not already).

I thought they were lying.

[Deleted]

Jul 7, 2014 15:17:30 GMT -5 krisandgrace said:

Jul 7, 2014 15:11:30 GMT -5 flex said:

I know, right?  When I first tried to get sober, I went to a meeting where a guy was celebrating SEVEN YEARS and everybody was clapping!  I thought "No way!  Wow!  Really???"    I still know that guy and I'll bet he has close to 35 years sober now(if not already).

I thought they were lying.

LOL!