Have you ever been to marriage counseling?

[Deleted]

I just scheduled our first marriage counseling session next week. I'm nervous and not really sure how we would start. But I know we have to do it if we really want a 2nd child. We just can't seem to agree on how to deal with 2 kids. I'm open to hiring help but he's not. That's just one example.

Please feel free to share your experience. I'd love to hear them.

[Deleted]

It was really good for us. We need to go back, but schedules haven't really allowed lately. We need to make it a priority again. What are you nervous about? I understand, I was too, but really, it's not too bad.

[crazygame]

It's been good for us, because our counselor forces us to discuss topics we'd rather avoid.

[Deleted]

May 15, 2012 11:24:09 GMT -5 @ruralrabbit1 said:

It was really good for us. We need to go back, but schedules haven't really allowed lately. We need to make it a priority again. What are you nervous about? I understand, I was too, but really, it's not too bad.

I think I'm nervous because I don't know where to start. But I'm sure the therapist will lead us. And maybe I'm just nervous about sharing.

May 15, 2012 11:33:24 GMT -5 crazygame said:

It's been good for us, because our counselor forces us to discuss topics we'd rather avoid.

I believe we have topics we are avoiding.

[bluelikejazz]

DH and I have been to a sex therapist that kind of turned into marriage counseling. Does that count?

[SJ]

We have never been, but I would love to.

I believe in "preventative care" and think it would help almost anyone to have a good counselor to talk to. I would also be fascinated to get a third party opinion on our relationship.

DH believes in "putting fires out" and doesn't understand why we would go now when there are no big issues.

[trissie18]

Not yet but I have been considering it more for preventive care but also to help some communication issues. I am kind of at a loss as to where to start as our insurance company's search feature sucks and the google results scare me.

[busybodyk]

We only went to premarital but are game to go if one of us feels we need to.

[UnderProtest]

We went to a counselor to deal with fertility problems and the issues that brought up. It was really good because she was able to translate for us. What I was hearing from my husband wasn't what he was trying to say. So basically communication issues.

[WOT?*]

Ex and I went to counseling to deal with a lot of issues related to a disability. It helped a LOT until he decided it wasn't helping at all and he was counseled out. I'm a huge proponent of counseling as maintenance if it is warranted. So I'm with Carrots. It's great to keep the two of you on the same page as long as the two of you want to be on that page.

[MiniLove]

I went once with my ex after he admitted to cheating but he didn't want to go anymore. And now he's my ex.

My SO and I are both big believers in counseling and we actually just started pre-marital counseling. We're not engaged yet, but figured since we're moving in together, now is a great time to start.

I think if you wait until there's a big issue, it's much harder and sometimes too late. Better to start out early to aid in communication, IMO. I'm ALL about preventative care.

[Deleted]

Best thing I ever did and I wish we had done it years before. I have also seen a therapist by myself which I like even better and go occassionally when stresses come up.

[lolo]

We did pre-marital counseling, which I found really helpful. It is really important to find the right person and also to be prepared for the first session or two to be a bit more 'getting to know you.' It's worth it to put in the grunt work.

[clickerish]

When we decided to make it official, we went to counselling to make sure we weren't carrying crap from the past with us into our life together. Best. Money. Ever. Spent. We went to someone who uses Imago technique. It turns you into a team that works together instead of at each other. I feel like we're going to be a lot better parents too thanks to knowing how to communicate and really listen well to what the other person needs.

[Deleted]

Glad to see the replies. It just seemed like the only ones who go to marriage counseling are the ones with totally screwed up marriage. That may have been one of my hesitations of going because it made me feel like it means we have a really crappy marriage. But my desire to have a 2nd kid definitely pushes me to have to do it. DD1's arrival was a HUGE adjustment. I want having kid #2 to go very smoothly. And I think we need to be able to communicate better to achieve that.

Does anybody in real life know you went/go to marriage counseling?

[miss1991]

I hope everything goes well! Good luck!

[dvlish]

May 15, 2012 11:41:31 GMT -5 bluelikejazz said:

DH and I have been to a sex therapist that kind of turned into marriage counseling. Does that count?

i voted no but we are looking into a combo of these...care to share your experience? you can PM me if there is that option here...

[explorer2001]

It showed me what a psycho my ex is and gave me the permission I needed to be able to leave. It worked out to be a great thing for me in the long run.

[cjeanette]

It pretty much saved my marriage. Knowing what I know now I would have gone years ago. I think it can be easier (and cheaper!) to go on a preventative basis a few times a year over being where I was at.

[bluelikejazz]

May 15, 2012 15:41:25 GMT -5 dvlish said:

May 15, 2012 11:41:31 GMT -5 bluelikejazz said:

DH and I have been to a sex therapist that kind of turned into marriage counseling. Does that count?

i voted no but we are looking into a combo of these...care to share your experience? you can PM me if there is that option here...

What do you want to know?

Basically, after 2 1/2 years (yes, I know, I should have said something earlier) I told my GYN that sex was still painful (we waited until marriage, and we were each others first). We talked for about 30 minutes and after my exam she suggested a sex therapist.

I went a few times on my own, and then DH came for a few sessions.

I'm open to answer pretty much anything. PM Me if you want (the little envelope on the side under my picture)

[thinklikeajellyfish]

Our marriage counseling (as well as individual therapy) helped us through my husband's affair.

ETA: And to answer your other questions: I think the overwhelming belief out there is that only screwed up marraiges need counseling, but I think all couples could benefit. I really think one's true colors come out in sessionns. If MH hadn't been as willing to go to therepy and so open and hard working during the sessions our marriage wouldn't have survived.

Most everyone that I interact with on a daily basis knows that we used to be in therapy even if they don't know why.

[MiniLove]

Does anybody in real life know you went/go to marriage counseling?[/quote]

Yes, I'm very open with my close friends. I hate that counseling has such a hush-hush negative label. I am very pro-counseling and really try to be open to others who are thinking about it and let them know that I've been and a lot of my friends go too. The more we talk about it as a society, the less taboo it becomes. I feel like it's the new norm with a lot of my friends and I think we all lead pretty terrific lives overall.

[MrsManners]

I haven't been yet, but I was online searching my benefits and providers today. Dh and I are having a really rough patch and I think we are going to need professional help to navigate through it. I also think he's generally unhappy about the current state of his career and his future and could benefit from some individual sessions too.

[wife2dj]

Yes, we went after DH had a friendship I did not feel comfortable with. In my eyes, it was the best thing we could have done. We always try now to put ourselves in the other shoe. I have also read a lot of good books on marriage that has allowed us to continue to grow. I think seeking advice is always a good thing. Think about how often we look for help and advice for "basic" things like school (guidance counselors, advisors) even here with MM , then why not with your marriage?

[mollz007]

I have told my H numerous times that I think we should do it, but he doesn't think we need it. He says he will go if I really want to, but that means I have to be the one to actually find the therapist, make an appointment, figure out insurance, etc. Like I don't have enough on my plate already.

[bunch]

Yes, a few years ago. It was very helpful. I would not hesitate to go again.

[aspentosh]

Not marriage counseling, per se, but DH sees a therapist every other week and I've gone in a few times to discuss topics that have caused arguments. I've always found it to be really helpful since he is objective and can get DH to talk it out. I've also gone in a few times just to talk things out for myself, especially after having the baby.

I'd definitely go again, and plan to if anything comes up.

[Deleted]

May 15, 2012 15:29:40 GMT -5 d0ri said:

Does anybody in real life know you went/go to marriage counseling?

No. It would not be beneficial if family knew the reasons that sent us to counseling. I think it would forever change their relationship with us.