Positive coping mechanisms

[mel]

I have been triggered a lot lately and while I have not cut recently I feel like I am always so close to going there to get relief. What are some of the positive coping mechanisms that you guys use when things seem to start to get too tough and relapsing seems so close?

[elenetxu]

I just remember how terrible I feel after and how, in the end, it really isn't worth it.

Another thing I like to do is to take a long walk and kill my negative energy that way.

The only behavior I haven't been able to stop this way is my overeating. When I am stressed, I raid the pantry. I started Weight Watchers a month ago and was doing well until this month. Between yesterday and today I have eaten two bags of croutons. Things have been really bad with DH.

HOWEVER, I am already looking forward to tomorrow because it is a new day and a chance to reset.

I hope this helps! Big hugs to you. I know how it feels to be pushed.

[mel]

It seems to me that in trying to avoid cutting I go on shopping binges and spend significant amounts of money. This behavior to me feels more positive and more healthy since I'm obviously not physically harming myself. However, I am putting myself in a potential financial bind by shopping. So this too is a behavior that needs to stop.

I journal some and I've tried different things but just haven't found what works for me yet. The walking/ exercising could be a good way to release some tension in a physical way that's not harmful. I might try it.

[flex]

Jul 5, 2014 13:04:53 GMT -5 mel said:

It seems to me that in trying to avoid cutting I go on shopping binges and spend significant amounts of money. This behavior to me feels more positive and more healthy since I'm obviously not physically harming myself. However, I am putting myself in a potential financial bind by shopping. So this too is a behavior that needs to stop.

I journal some and I've tried different things but just haven't found what works for me yet. The walking/ exercising could be a good way to release some tension in a physical way that's not harmful. I might try it.

do you have some type of social network set up in regards to your cutting?  to me, talking to someone who understands is very helpful.

[elenetxu]

Jul 5, 2014 13:04:53 GMT -5 mel said:

It seems to me that in trying to avoid cutting I go on shopping binges and spend significant amounts of money. This behavior to me feels more positive and more healthy since I'm obviously not physically harming myself. However, I am putting myself in a potential financial bind by shopping. So this too is a behavior that needs to stop.

I journal some and I've tried different things but just haven't found what works for me yet. The walking/ exercising could be a good way to release some tension in a physical way that's not harmful. I might try it.

It sounds like your shopping is like my eating. "Better." In the end, we're both hurting ourselves in other ways!

Walking and swimming have both helped me. Another thing that helps me is just putting on the radio and singing my heart out. Yeah, I'm that crazy lady you pass on the road who is singing along in the car

[flex]

Jul 5, 2014 13:04:53 GMT -5 mel said:

It seems to me that in trying to avoid cutting I go on shopping binges and spend significant amounts of money. This behavior to me feels more positive and more healthy since I'm obviously not physically harming myself. However, I am putting myself in a potential financial bind by shopping. So this too is a behavior that needs to stop.

I journal some and I've tried different things but just haven't found what works for me yet. The walking/ exercising could be a good way to release some tension in a physical way that's not harmful. I might try it.

Agreed.  With the excessive shoe shopping you're trading one negative coping mechanism for another, which is not healthy behavior.

[MauMau]

I'll preference this by saying that I am not a cutter. But back in January I was feeling very self harming. Coupled with deep depression and anxieties.

I took out my nail polish supplies each night no matter how tired I was. And I would sit there with my nail light on and would paint my nails with intense precision and thought. Painting my nails has a calming affect for me.

I understand the shopping thing. But same for me. I shouldn't be doing that either.

I know you are a nurse so don't know your policies at your hospital for nail polish. But if if worked as a distraction... Than so be it if you had to remove before work. I take pictures of mine every time I change. It helps. I don't know why. My friend calls it my crutch but I have the supplies and it keeps my mind busy.

[mel]

The social network that I have are the same ones that had me put in the hospital last year and I feel like I constantly have to explain to them the "why I do what I do" and that they seem to somewhat get it but need to be constantly told. My therapist is wonderful...but with being just barely a year out of the hospital, I feel like I have to word what I say carefully and censor myself in order to prevent another protective custody order. So technically I have people that I can talk to...but not totally open up to.

I was thrown into a huge anxiety attack this morning with missing my son (I share joint custody with my ex) so I ended up shopping. When I got home I wanted to hit the Xanax hard. Instead I headed to the pool with a book and spent a few hours of quiet time enjoying a book. One step in the right direction...right?

[elenetxu]

Jul 5, 2014 16:36:21 GMT -5 mel said:

I was thrown into a huge anxiety attack this morning with missing my son (I share joint custody with my ex) so I ended up shopping. When I got home I wanted to hit the Xanax hard. Instead I headed to the pool with a book and spent a few hours of quiet time enjoying a book. One step in the right direction...right?

Awesome work! That's a much better choice.

[flex]

Jul 5, 2014 16:36:21 GMT -5 mel said:

The social network that I have are the same ones that had me put in the hospital last year and I feel like I constantly have to explain to them the "why I do what I do" and that they seem to somewhat get it but need to be constantly told. My therapist is wonderful...but with being just barely a year out of the hospital, I feel like I have to word what I say carefully and censor myself in order to prevent another protective custody order. So technically I have people that I can talk to...but not totally open up to.

I was thrown into a huge anxiety attack this morning with missing my son (I share joint custody with my ex) so I ended up shopping. When I got home I wanted to hit the Xanax hard. Instead I headed to the pool with a book and spent a few hours of quiet time enjoying a book. One step in the right direction...right?

When I say "social network" I'm referring to people who are in recovery.  In your case, recovering cutters.  Is there a group you could join or could you Google to see if there's some kind of group you could participate in?

Sometimes you have let people who are triggers go from your life and find a new set of friends and/or confidantes.

[partiallysunny]

I like long walks, jogging with music, or reading a book.

I'm glad you found something positive!

[malibu]

I'm not the addict in my family, but I'll be learning some coping mechanisms this week when I attend the family program. I need to cope with my own anxieties and depression from my H being an addict. I too overeat and tend to shop, the shopping is stopped right now because I literally have no disposable income right now. I chain-smoke like crazy, especially in the last six months or so to try to calm myself down when I'm anxious or angry. Obviously not healthy (I never smoke around my DD, ever), but it's been my coping mechanism for the better part of the last several years, other than when I was pregnant.

[flex]

Just so you guys know, I've struggled with the shopping/finances issues even longer than my recovery from alcohol and drugs. I have a total addictive personality.

I finally had to admit I was powerless over credit cards and I enrolled in a financial program where they negotiate with credit card companies to settle for a lower amount than what you owe. They take money out of my checking account every month and apply it to the negotiated amounts. I should have everything paid off in 2017.

I cannot adequately express the relief I felt when I no longer had to juggle my finances to rob Peter in order to pay Paul. I finally had to give up and accept the fact I couldn't do this myself. Even though I had been sober over 20 years, I still hadn't let go of my spending addiction.

Now I still occasionally am overdrawn on my checking account, but NOTHING TO THE LEVEL that I used to be at. Yes, my credit is messed up, but I can live with that. "Credit" had only interfered with my relationships and messed up my self esteem. Where once I was full of fear, I'm at peace.

So this just goes to show that we must be careful not to trade one addiction for another. Make sense?   (kiss)

[btay]

Jul 7, 2014 13:02:12 GMT -5 flex said:

Just so you guys know, I've struggled with the shopping/finances issues even longer than my recovery from alcohol and drugs. I have a total addictive personality.

I finally had to admit I was powerless over credit cards and I enrolled in a financial program where they negotiate with credit card companies to settle for a lower amount than what you owe. They take money out of my checking account every month and apply it to the negotiated amounts. I should have everything paid off in 2017.

I cannot adequately express the relief I felt when I no longer had to juggle my finances to rob Peter in order to pay Paul. I finally had to give up and accept the fact I couldn't do this myself. Even though I had been sober over 20 years, I still hadn't let go of my spending addiction.

Now I still occasionally am overdrawn on my checking account, but NOTHING TO THE LEVEL that I used to be at. Yes, my credit is messed up, but I can live with that. "Credit" had only interfered with my relationships and messed up my self esteem. Where once I was full of fear, I'm at peace.

So this just goes to show that we must be careful not to trade one addiction for another. Make sense?   (kiss)

I just recently had to take out a 401k loan to get myself unburied from the credit cards. Shopping was always my go-to when I was having a rough day or feeling bad about myself. I am hopeful that I will be able to maintain my finances now that I am aware of the problem and actively working a program that will encourage me to discover healthy outlets for all my negative feelings. I was super proud of myself the other day for going to Target and only buying the items on my list. 

[malibu]

I shopped to get out of the house and away from him.

btay I'll have to take out a 401k loan to pay off what we'll owe the treatment center once it's billed. It's the only way we'll be able to pay it. They have payment plans, but when the money isn't there to pay with, it won't really work.

[mel]

I spent over $800 on purses this past weekend. $800 that I didn't have but "promised " myself I would pay it back. I was dealt a pretty major blow today by my ex and it's looking like we are headed back to court. I didn't shop, get out the knives or scalpels, or OD on Xanax. Instead I made an emergency appt with my therapist.

I'm so inspired by all that have been in recovery for years. I ask myself how y'all do it. But I guess my addictions are just the same and I'll get there the same way y'all did...one day at a time.