Step One

[btay]

I am getting all my text from Al Anon literature, but feel free to apply it to any 12 step program, and share any readings you may have that relate more closely to your specific journey.

Step One: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable.

 "One beautiful day, a man sat down under a tree, not noticing it was full of pigeons. Shortly, the pigeons did what pigeons do best. The man shouted at the pigeons as he stormed away, resenting the pigeons as well as the offending material. But then he realized that the pigeons were merely doing what pigeons do, just because they're pigeons and not because he was there. The man learned to check the trees for pigeons before sitting down.

Active alcoholics (addicts) are people who drink (use drugs.) They don't drink (use) because of you or me, but because they are alcoholics (addicts.) No matter what I do, I will not change this fact, not with guilt, shouting, begging, distracting, hiding money or bottles or keys, lying, threatening, or reasoning. I didn't cause alcoholism (addiction.) I can't control it. And I can't cure it. I can continue to struggle and lose. Or I can accept that I am powerless over alcohol and alcoholism (drugs and addiction) and let Alanon help me to redirect the energy I've spent on fighting this disease into recovering from its effects."

-from Courage to Change One Day at a Time in Al-Anon II

Again, this is fairly Al Anon centric perpective, so I encourage those who are addicts/recovering addicts/overeaters/etc to share their perspectives on step one as well. 

[malibu]

Oh my goodness. I'm so deep into this first step right now. I'm trying to undo eight years of blaming myself for not being good enough for my H for him to stop drinking. Let me tell you, it's not an easy process to do, since it's so ingrained in my thoughts. I've lost touch with friends, retreated into myself and practically turned into a hermit because I felt I constantly had to be home to make sure our DD was safe.

[btay]

I had no idea how much I had become a hermit until I dropped stbxh off at treatment and realized I had nothing to do. My whole life had become "drunk-sitting" as I call it. Trying to keep him from driving, trying to keep him from cutting, trying to keep him from passing out in the front yard, making sure he was in bed and not drinking by 10 so he would be OK to work the next day, etc. I spent so much energy on him that I was inches from losing my own job due to the depression and anxiety I didn't even take the time to realize I had. I blamed myself hardcore because I was convinced that if I had been able to get pregnant he never would have felt the need to start drinking again. Looking back I realize how silly that thought process was, but at the time I was convinced it was all my fault.

[flex]

"Step One: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable."


To me Step One is the only Step that can be done perfectly.

I went to a meeting last night and a newcomer (he had three days of sobriety) was chairing the meeting (which is an accomplishment in itself--I was impressed that someone so new in recovery was chairing), and he said that he hadn't even started on Step One yet. One of the "older" members pointed out that because of the mere fact he was in an AA meeting, he was doing the first Step.

Step One: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable.

The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions says about Step One:

"But upon entering AA we soon take quite another view of this absolute humiliation. We perceive that only through utter defeat are we able to take our first steps toward liberation and strength. Our admissions of personal powerlessness finally turn out to be firm bedrock upon which happy and purposeful lives may be built. We know that little good can come to any alcoholic who joins AA unless he has first accepted his devastating weakness and all its consequences.


Until he so humbles himself, his sobriety—if any—will be precarious. Of real happiness he will find none at all. Proved beyond doubt by an immense experience, this is one of the facts of AA life.


When first challenged to admit defeat, most of us revolted. We had approached AA expecting to be taught self-confidence. Then we had been told that so far as alcohol is concerned, self-confidence was no good whatever; in fact, it was a total liability. Our sponsors declared that we were victims of a mental obsession so subtly powerful that no amount of human willpower could break it. There was, they said, no such thing as the personal conquest of this compulsion by the unaided will. Relentlessly deepening our dilemma, our sponsors pointed out our increasing sensitivity to alcohol—an allergy, they called it. The tyrant alcohol wielded a double edged sword over us: first we were smitten by an insane urge that condemned us to go on drinking, and then by an allergy of the body that insured we would ultimately destroy ourselves in the process. Few indeed were those who, so assailed, had ever won through in single-handed combat. It was a statistical fact that alcoholics almost never recovered on their own resources. And this has been true, apparently, ever since man had first crushed grapes.
"

I added the bold: we cannot do it by ourselves and lead a happy, productive life IMO.

[Deleted]

malibu, I can so relate to that isolation you are talking about. As my alcoholism spiral worsened, I made up excuses to stop seeing friends so I could rush home to drink. I was a quiet lonely drinker. Where I once had friends and activities that I enjoyed, I couldn't get past the obsession of that next drink. That is part of what made me realize my life was unmanageable. I would "pass" during the day as a functioning person, but I knew I had a deep dark secret. I felt like a fraud. All the time.

[krisandgrace]

I really fought this step in the treatment center, I felt like I had done a good job holding it all together, it sounds funny now but the idea that I was powerless and my life had become unmanageable made me cringe.

I remember telling my first sponsor that I didn't always drink to access that sometimes I just had a couple of beers and went home. She told me OK, then you can drink when you know that will happen. I thought about that for a minute and admitted I didn't know when I would control my drinking and when I would drink way more then I planned to which she said - and that is what makes you an alcoholic. It was the first time I recognized that I really was powerless.

Then one day sitting in the hospital in yet another group therapy session I looked down at the slippers I was wearing that the hospital gave everyone and had the thought that all my hard work running my life had landed me in a hospital wearing slippers with happy faces on them. That's when I got the unmanageability part.

[btay]

Jul 7, 2014 22:00:22 GMT -5 krisandgrace said:

I really fought this step in the treatment center, I felt like I had done a good job holding it all together, it sounds funny now but the idea that I was powerless and my life had become unmanageable made me cringe.

I remember telling my first sponsor that I didn't always drink to access that sometimes I just had a couple of beers and went home. She told me OK, then you can drink when you know that will happen. I thought about that for a minute and admitted I didn't know when I would control my drinking and when I would drink way more then I planned to which she said - and that is what makes you an alcoholic. It was the first time I recognized that I really was powerless.

Then one day sitting in the hospital in yet another group therapy session I looked down at the slippers I was wearing that the hospital gave everyone and had the thought that all my hard work running my life had landed me in a hospital wearing slippers with happy faces on them. That's when I got the unmanageability part.

 I really thought I had it all together as well, and that I was handling my stbxh's addiction better than anyone in the world until I went to a family program and really realized how much of my life was out of control right along side his.  It really is true that the addict becomes an addiction for those around them.  

[mel]

I waver on this one, especially when I'm cycling hard. I admit that I am powerless when it comes to self-harm and that my life has been unmanageable for a long time when I'm in the shame/guilt phase. But then I get to the honeymoon phase of the cycle and think "hey it's been awhile. I totally don't have a problem and I'm managing my life just fine." So I have yet to truly complete this first step.

[flex]

Jul 7, 2014 23:28:02 GMT -5 mel said:

I waver on this one, especially when I'm cycling hard. I admit that I am powerless when it comes to self-harm and that my life has been unmanageable for a long time when I'm in the shame/guilt phase. But then I get to the honeymoon phase of the cycle and think "hey it's been awhile. I totally don't have a problem and I'm managing my life just fine." So I have yet to truly complete this first step.

Why do you think you haven't completed this step?  You have.  It doesn't mean you un-admit you're powerless.  Clearly when your mind is telling you don't have a problem, you're powerless and your life is unmanageable.  Don't get stuck in Step #1--move on to the next Step.

What you are experiencing is insanity (when you tell yourself things will be different this time).  The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.  

Which leads us to the the next Step: #2.  "Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."