I had the most vivid "using" dream ever this morning

[flex]

Periodically I have a dream that I have 'used'.  I don't dream about actually drinking or using: I just know I have used, and I experience all the guilt, shame and fear associated with it.

This dream was different: I actually looked at drunken texts I'd sent to unknown guys along with pics of me naked.  Plus I had been to some party and the next day the house it was in was totally torn up and I couldn't find my purse!  What was weird was I sobered up before there were cell phones or "sexting".  I really and truly thought I had ended my long stint of sobriety.  

It was NOT a fun dream.  Not sure what was happening in my subconscious that brought this dream on, but it was a doozy!!  lol

[malibu]

I hate those vivid dreams that you wake up thinking are real. I'll have ones where H has cheated on me and I'll wake up pissed off at him and realize later that I was dreaming.

Sorry though, flex. That can't have been a good feeling.

[flex]

It's a relief to wake up and realize it was all a dream.

[krisandgrace]

I have had those dreams but very rarely. I take them as a gift now because in the dream I am always horrified that I am drinking and using again and feel the guilt and pain but then get to realize it didn't actually happen. I get know how bad it would be with out ever having to relapse.

 I had a couple of vivid using dreams early on where I was high or drunk in my dream and I remember feeling guilty about that but my sponsor told me not to worry about it, like everything else your subconscious takes a while to change too.  I think I get them more around my anniversary.

[partiallysunny]

Maybe because you've just celebrated your sober anniversary you've been thinking about how far you've come and that came out in a dream.

[flex]

I think it is related to my anniversary. It was just so wild that it was an updated form: it shows how I would be like in this day and age if I ever chose to pick up. I have no doubt all kinds of weird stuff would come out if I was ever again in a black out.

[flex]

And in this same dream I was in this house and there was a tornado coming. So me and several other people went down into the basement. The tornado went right on top of us (I saw it through a window) and when it had passed and we had gone outside, a bunch of the trees had been sheared off.

We never have tornadoes here. I'm sure that part of the dream was related somehow to my using dream. So crazy. lol

[Deleted]

flex, I'd bet it's related to your AA birthday. I get those too! I'm usually not upset until I wake up. But in my dream, I'll be drinking and absolutely unaware of how I got that drink!

As for the basement and the tornadoes...

The alcoholic is like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of others. Hearts are broken. Sweet relationships are dead. Affections have been uprooted. Selfish and inconsiderate habits have kept the home in turmoil. We feel a man is unthinking when he says that sobriety is enough. He is like the farmer who came up out of his cyclone cellar to find his home ruined. To his wife, he remarked, “Don’t see anything the matter here, Ma. Ain’t it grand the wind stopped blowin’?" 

[flex]

Jul 7, 2014 21:33:13 GMT -5 @courtneyloves said:

flex, I'd bet it's related to your AA birthday. I get those too! I'm usually not upset until I wake up. But in my dream, I'll be drinking and absolutely unaware of how I got that drink!

As for the basement and the tornadoes...

The alcoholic is like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of others. Hearts are broken. Sweet relationships are dead. Affections have been uprooted. Selfish and inconsiderate habits have kept the home in turmoil. We feel a man is unthinking when he says that sobriety is enough. He is like the farmer who came up out of his cyclone cellar to find his home ruined. To his wife, he remarked, “Don’t see anything the matter here, Ma. Ain’t it grand the wind stopped blowin’?" 

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WAS THINKING.

My dream was chock full of all kinds of symbolisms.  lol

[lexxasaurus]

I just celebrated six months sober and I had a crazy using dream last night. Mine vary between actually using, being trashed without dreaming about the actual act or sobering up and realizing what I'd done. I'm starting to get better at shaking them off after I wake up, but those first few vivid ones were intense!
Sounds like yours was very symbolic and had a lot of hidden meanings.

[Deleted]

Jul 8, 2014 20:30:23 GMT -5 lexxasaurus said:

I just celebrated six months sober and I had a crazy using dream last night. Mine vary between actually using, being trashed without dreaming about the actual act or sobering up and realizing what I'd done. I'm starting to get better at shaking them off after I wake up, but those first few vivid ones were intense!
Sounds like yours was very symbolic and had a lot of hidden meanings.

Congrats on six months!  I still get those dreams too and they are very unnerving.

[mel]

I have dreams about cutting too. The difference is when I wake up it's a relief it was just a dream but at the same time it leaves me with cravings to do it and get that relief/rush all over again. Sometimes I give in.

[SwimDeep]

I have those dreams too mel ...They always leave me feeling really down - like I feel all the shame and guilt even if I didn't actually do anything. Sometimes it helps if I write them out. Getting it down onto paper helps my mind let go of the dream and then it's easier to distract myself with healthier sensations.

[aba]

I'm sorry you had such a vivid dream. I have had many ED dreams in the past year. Sometimes I'm in the treatment center and sometimes I'm at home dying:(

I tend to be very anxious the next day and usually end up "missing" my ED. 

Even though those dreams suck, I bet you were relieved when you woke up! 

[flex]

Honestly, I'm grateful for those dreams. Just like attending meetings on a regular basis and hearing from 'newbies', I'm reminded about how crappy it was drinking and using was and that I NEVER want to go back there.

[MixedBerryJam]

Jul 7, 2014 15:05:42 GMT -5 flex said:

It's a relief to wake up and realize it was all a dream.

It's also a certain kind of relief knowing YOU still have these kinds of dreams at what? ... 25 years? i am always shaken when I wake up from one. While they are exceedingly rare now, within the last month I had one. i wake up half terrified that it was real, and half relieved to realize it was a dream. But I always feel at my most vulnerable after waking up from a drinking dream.

[MixedBerryJam]

Jul 8, 2014 20:30:23 GMT -5 lexxasaurus said:

I just celebrated six months sober and I had a crazy using dream last night. Mine vary between actually using, being trashed without dreaming about the actual act or sobering up and realizing what I'd done. I'm starting to get better at shaking them off after I wake up, but those first few vivid ones were intense!
Sounds like yours was very symbolic and had a lot of hidden meanings.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!