another intro

[flex]

Jul 11, 2014 17:50:24 GMT -5 gravytrain225 said:

Hi everyone, I just realized this board was here today.  I think this may be all over the place, but bear with me

I need advice in regards to my younger brother.  He came to me two weeks ago telling me how bad of an alcoholic he is and that he has decided to enter AA.  He also received his 2nd DWI in 3 years, for .26 this time around.  He is only 24 and is hoping to get it under control before he gets too old and out of hand.  I was almost relieved to hear this, I could tell something was up and was glad to finally know if that makes any sense.  It's great that he's going to AA!!  Hopefully he gets a sponsor.  

He was saying all of the right things when talking to me and really seemed like he meant them.  He only has about one month sober.  I am really worried that he will relapse, I feel like it's the honeymoon stage.  He is soooooooo insistent that he won't though.  How do I check up on him without offending him?  We are best friends and I am the closest person to him he has.  He, like you, needs to take "one day at a time".  The first month CAN be the honeymoon period, but even if it is, don't try to "future trip".  And please don't check up on him.  We alcoholics hate that--no matter how well meaning a person is.  We need to find our own way.  If you do check up on him, he WILL be offended.  If he relapses, he relapses.  It's up to him to get back on the wagon if he does.

Another thing I want advice on is his driving.  He was somehow able to keep a conditional license, and can drive to work and AA meetings.  He keeps taking huge pit stops on his way to and from work.  I think this is a huge deal, but he doesn't seem to think so because he's following the restrictions.  Is there anything I can do about this?  Am I overreacting?  I don't know what his restrictions are so I can't comment on this.  However, there is nothing you can do about this.  This is between him and the court system.

Lastly, what do I do for him period?  Talk about it?  Ignore it and act like normal?  I am so sad and upset with him too.  I am more sad, but how do you get 2 DWIs in 3 years?  Is it okay for me to be mad at him, or is that counterproductive?    You get 2 DWI's in three years if you're an alcoholic.  Easy peasy.  lol  

You can be mad at him all you want--you have a right to your own feelings--but should you tell him you're mad about it?  Now would not be the time.  Maybe later after he has some sobriety under his belt.  Believe me...he KNOWS he's hurt the people he loves.  No need to remind him.  : )  

What you CAN do for him is to encourage him to go to AA meetings.  If he needs a ride, give it to him if you can.  Or go to the meeting with him support--IF he asks you to, AND if it's an "open" meeting (which means non-AA'ers can attend as observers).

Hang in there, sis, and be as supportive as you can, but don't try to interfere with his recovery.  He has to make the choices of his own free will.

(((hugs)))

[krisandgrace]

That is great that he is ready to make the change, for some people even 2DUI's isn't enough. You could ask him if the are errands you could run for him or offer to pick up stuff at the grocery store because you know he has restrictive driving ability. You can defiantly ask how he is doing, don't feel like it is a taboo subject but I wouldn't get hounding him for details like how many meetings he is attending.

And of course you can be mad, it is scary to have someone you love doing things that endanger them selves and others but as Flex said I would really wait to talk to him about your anger. If he stays sober he will eventually come to you to talk about his behavior.

[btay]

I was told that the best thing as far as talking about it is to tell them you are always willing to talk about there recovery and then leave it up to them to bring it up again. Anything more can feel like you are pressuring them and they are doing enough of that themselves. I do like the idea of leading into it by offering help with running errands or maybe attending an open meeting or two (which is a good idea even if you don't go with him, they are eye opening). Ultimately he has to be in charge of his own recovery so there really isn't much else you can do other than take care of yourself.

[Deleted]

I would let your brother guide the conversations. You could ask him directly "Is it okay to talk about your alcoholism and recovery?" He'll let you know.

There are people (outside the program) who ask me about my progress and are excited for my AA birthdays. And there are some who would rather not talk about it. So I respect that. I'm just grateful for the support and love I have around me.