Step 2 (late because I am a remembering fail)

[btay]

"Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity"

The second step is about possibility, about hope.  With this step, we come to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. We are asked to open our minds to the possibility that help is available.  Perhaps there is a source of assistance that can do for us what we have been unable to do for ourselves.  We don't have to believe that it will happen, only that it could.

-From Courage to Change

[flex]

It took a lot for me to accept I was insane in the first place. But I was insane--the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results:

"This time FOR SURE I'm going to drink like a lady!"
"Okay, that didn't work. THIS TIME it will!"
"Oops...try again!"
"Shit! That didn't work--maybe this time?"
"Crap! WHY DO I KEEP GETTING IN TROUBLE??"

lol

A belief in, and coming to believe that I would be restored to sanity, of a Higher Power part was much easier to swallow.  Just because I already had a relationship with a Higher Power.  But I know a lot of people in sobriety initially did have a problem with it.

I think you have to get to the point of helplessness before you can fully give yourself up to accept help.

[odaat]

I had a hard time with this step, especially before I completely surrendered. Like flex said, you have to be at the point of complete desperation before you will willingly accept help. I didn't think I was insane...but I also repeated the same actions over and over expecting different results. What I know now is that I hadn't completely accepted step one. I thought my life was still somewhat manageable because I had a car, license, house, job, etc... Only when I admitted complete defeat, total powerless and unmanageability, was I able to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.

For a long time I used the people and the rooms of AA as the power greater than myself. I saw them as sober, happy people and they kept telling me that I never had to feel that way again. I had no reason not to believe them. I also had (have) strong self will. I thought that my will power alone would get me sober, and that if I failed, I must be weak. Luckily I was told that was not the case. My will power led me to the insanity that my life was. Obviously I couldn't do this on my own, so I would let the people in AA help me. Eventually I accepted God as the power greater than myself, but I know that without Him as my Higher Power AND the fellowship I am left to my own devices. And left to my own devices, I inevitably drink.

[flex]

The way I look at it is MY BEST thinking got me to the point of utter desperation. I needed to try something different or I would be miserable for the rest of my life. AA had the answer. For me, anyway.

[btay]

I struggled horribly with this step, because I was coming from an atheist upbringing. I just had to keep telling myself there was a higher power and eventually I started believing it.

[malibu]

I'm just starting to work on this one. I'm still trying to figure out what higher power I want to choose to be greater than myself, as the spouse of an addict. I haven't attended Al Anon yet, but I have a sneaking suspicion that the Al Anon fellowship will become that higher power.

[flex]

Or whatever makes the grass green. Whatever it takes--it's as you "understand it".

[pinkdutchtulips]

howdy ladies

I had zero problems with this step. I'm a PK (pastor's kid), I had been dealing my 'higher power' for years but it was when the sh!t hit the fan that I truly placed it all into his hands bc I simply couldn't deal w/ it any more wo it causing me to self destruct and take my dd w me.

have I been restored to sanity .. getting there but not quite there - yet.

[mel]

Haven't even thought about this step yet. I'm still Leary of the 12 step program and if it will really help with cutting. I've been told thousands of times over the last 16 years that cutting is an addiction. I've been told by many counselors over the years that the 12 steps work on any addiction. I even have tried step 1 but then a little part of my brain keeps telling me "I can control it and although I crave it I don't always act on those cravings so therefore it's not an addiction". In my brain if I'm controlling it and not getting caught doing it then it's not a problem.

[SwimDeep]

I have been chewing on this step all week, trying to figure out what I want to say...I grew up in a strict Fundamentalist/Independent Baptist environment, but now (if I'm being honest with myself) I don't know what I believe. I've felt very lost the past few years. Just saying "I identify as agnostic" feels like a relief.

I've started reading "Waiting: A Nonbeliever's Higher Power" by Marya Hornbacher. It's not an easy read (for me), but I'm identifying with so much of what she says and it's bringing me so much peace and relief that I actually feel like I can keep struggling through my life, one day at a time...

All my previous definitions and rationalizations of "higher power" have kept me isolated and cold. I have a feeling I'm going to be on this step for a while, trying to sort through my confusion.

[Deleted]

I still struggle with the idea that I was insane. There are many excellent posts and I thank you for your thoughts! The idea of accepting a power greater than myself wasn't that difficult for me. There was always "something" out there. I spent YEARS studying different religions. But I never could find a perfect fit. What AA has given me is a God of my own understanding that doesn't have to fit into some box. You should see the library of books I own about different religions. Heck, I should have earned a degree in theology LOL.

The insanity only makes sense in the terms that I thought each time I drank it would end up differently. That I would drink a glass of wine, say i'd had enough, and be a sweet wife and mother. Well, that just didn't happen! So in that sense, I was insane. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome.

Grateful for a God in my life. I don't have to feel alone!

[Deleted]

Jul 16, 2014 10:33:55 GMT -5 odaat said:

 I thought that my will power alone would get me sober, and that if I failed, I must be weak. Luckily I was told that was not the case. 

This really resonated with me, odaat.  I thought I was just a crappy person that couldn't get it right!  If will power was going to get me over that hump, it would have happened long ago.  The part that baffled me was that I was "successful" in most parts of my life.  Until I realized it was a disease, I felt like slime.