How much do you chip in for a bachelor/ette party?

[mdgirl]

So if you've traveled for a bachelorette party (or really any sort of "event" trip in one person's honor I suppose) that involved multiple nights in paid accommodation and a pricey activity or two, how much did the bride pay for? I'm asking on behalf of my husband regarding his friend's bachelor party because the bachelorette parties I've attended haven't been this lavish (almost everyone flew in, $300 each for a round of golf, renting a house).

For the record he's balking at the cost a bit (he's OK with his friend not paying for drinks and meals but thinks he should contribute to the other costs), but I sort of think that if he didn't speak up when the planner sent around the itinerary he just needs to shut up and pay.

[basilosaurus]

Depends on who planned it. If it's the bride/groom who suggested something expensive and then expects everyone else to pay for it, no way. You don't deserve a free vacation just b/c you found someone who agreed to marry you.

[Deleted]

Honestly, I am with your H. Everyone, including the groom should pay for their own travel and lodging. Beyond that if everyone wants to split the cost of grooms drinks/meals I wouldn't have any issue with that but no way I would pay for the flight.

[bumblebee]

I would not expect for my Bridesmaids/friends to pay for anything for me on my Bachelorette weekend. I'd expect to pay for my own airfare, hotel, meals, etc.

That being said, at my Bachelorette party, despite me saying it wasn't necessary, my girlfriends (about 10 of them) covered all my expenses for the weekend.... spa treatments, meals, drinks, etc. But, we did not have hotel or flight costs.

In your husband's situation, I think it depends how much you're talking. If 10 people are going, and everyone chips in and the total cost per person is $50....NBD. But, if there are 3-4 people going, and the cost would be $300 pp, I'd push back.

[Deleted]

I would expect everyone to pay for their own flights and lodging, including the groom - unless like pp said there is a large group going and the contribution to the groom's share would be small per person. When either of us has been invited to similar events, usually the organizer will come up with an estimate per person excluding flights. If people are going to be sharing hotel suites, or doing excursions like golf or a show or something, it might make sense to buy them all together and everyone contribute their share. I kind of think these things have gotten a little out of control. For my bachelorette party, we did one overnight (driving distance, no flying) and got two hotel suites to share, so the cost came out to about 60pp. It was a pretty small group, 6 including me. When we went out, my sister (maid of honor) picked up the tab for dinner (it was a pretty casual place), and everyone sort of took turns buying drinks that night (not expected, just worked out that way).

[hz80408]

I'm in the everyone should pay for their own flight/accommodations camps.

I also think the bride/groom should pay for their food/drinks for the majority of the trip; except maybe one designated night.

[jewel]

I was one of 3 bridesmaids. The bride planned a 4 day trip and let us know how much we owed (split only between bridesmaids, no help from bride). Bridesmaids split all joint expenses along the way. Bride paid for nothing at all. She did gush about how it was the best trip ever.

This was 4 years ago. We're no longer friends, and I may or may not still be bitter, LOL.

My husband went on a big bachelor party trip to Vegas. All costs were split equally between all guys, including groom. I think random guys covered a drink or meal for groom, but it was much more like a regular guys trip, than an extravagant treat for the groom. This is reasonable to me, but a $300 golf day added in would have been totally crazy.

[mdgirl]

Thanks for all the experiences. The groom picked the location and bought his plane ticket (his friends are spread all over so almost everyone would have to fly wherever it was), but his friend who did most of the planning was the one picking the expensive activities and piped up that the groom shouldn't pay for anything. Although if I had to guess the groom would probably have made similar decisions based on this usual travel style, and the fact that he himself goes to a few bachelor parties a year, so he obviously doesn't mind spending money on them.

The planner put everything on his credit card and is going to total it up and let everyone know what they owe him. My husband is theorizing the planner is going to end up eating some of the cost with that plan just based on how flakey some of the groom's friends are. Who knows, maybe the groom will still offer to chip in.

[mdgirl]

I was one of 3 bridesmaids. The bride planned a 4 day trip and let us know how much we owed (split only between bridesmaids, no help from bride). Bridesmaids split all joint expenses along the way. Bride paid for nothing at all. She did gush about how it was the best trip ever.

Wow, she's got balls.

[jem6]

I think bachelor/ette parties should be ONE NIGHT, not a weekend. If you want to do a weekend away, and everyone agrees to it, awesome, but I'd still only cover expenses for one night, and only for activities that I agreed to to begin with.

H was supposed to be a GM in a wedding a while back and the groom insisted that he wanted to go to Vegas, and that all the GM should pay for his flights, hotel, limo, VIP at a few clubs, all his drinks, etc. H flat out told him no (we had just gotten engaged and were paying for our own wedding) and the groom went off on him about how he was a bad friend and that not wanting to spend the money was a lame excuse since H made more than some of the other people and he kicked him out of the wedding party.

So yeah, I'd think it was bullshit if someone planned all this expensive stuff without consulting anyone else's budgets or preferences, and then expected me to just hand over my portion without complaining. Bachelor parties are a gift, not an invoice, I wouldn't pay for anything that I didn't agree to from the get-go.

[Deleted]

DH has been to 4 pricier bachelor trips in the past few years (upwards of 500 pp fr flight, hotel. Etc) and his frends ate All the grooms cost. However, each time the wedding party (not the groom) planned it based upon a budget that everyone agreed to. It's always a surprise for the groom.