If you work a lot

[ilovelamp]

like 50+ hours a week, do you still have a social life? DH and I got in a fight because he feels like I never want to do anything with him and his friends. Example: I worked both jobs yesterday (5 hours at one, then 7 at the other). I didn't get home until 11:30 and was exhausted. Isn't this a reasonable excuse to not want to go out especially when I had to work again at 9 AM today?

[G22]

I ''only'' work 40ish hours a week and have no social life. I'm too dang tired to do stuff after work on week nights. And weekends, the plans had better be made in advance and give me a warning, because usually I plan to relax and do the things I've been wanting to do all week. So I don't like when H springs plans on me anymore, because I view my off time as precious. Thankfully he's pretty understanding, but we'll both be glad when I decrease my hours or get a new job.

[ilovelamp]

Sorry gumby, I didn't mean working less than 50 isn't a lot!

Thanks, I think he's being unreasonable too. He thinks for some reason that I don't like his friends (I love them and have never done anything to make anyone think I don't like them). I just rather hang out at home and be cozy and relax after a long day, not be out with a bunch of people.

[nsl]

Honestly, I consider work and school to be my social life most of the time.

[MrsAggie]

I work 12 hour shifts that usually end up being 13 hour shifts and I'm pretty much dead to the world afterwards. There have been times that I've been so tired driving home from work that I felt like I shouldn't even be driving. There's no way I would work those hours, go out, and then have to wake up early the next day to do it all over again. H has always been more than welcome to go out with friends without me.

[G22]

Jul 22, 2012 17:46:43 GMT -5 ilovelamp said:

Sorry gumby, I didn't mean working less than 50 isn't a lot!

Thanks, I think he's being unreasonable too. He thinks for some reason that I don't like his friends (I love them and have never done anything to make anyone think I don't like them). I just rather hang out at home and be cozy and relax after a long day, not be out with a bunch of people.

Oh I wasn't offended don't worry. I only meant that 40 isn't a lot to some people, but its currently killing me and I'm slightly up happy with where I am.

And to answer your original question, your H is being unreasonable.

[ilovelamp]

That's the thing- I told him that I don't mind him going out with his friends, I just don't want to go. I thought he would enjoy this guy time, but he's taking it as I don't WANT to hang out with his friends because I don't like them. What the French toast?

[ilovelamp]

I told him I would be more than willing to hangout with them more often if he can find a way for me to work less. I would love to stay up late, go out to movies, maybe out to dinner, or even have a drink at a bar instead of on my couch. Basically I would like to feel like a 23 year old and not a 75 year old. But this is all very impossible with my current situation.

[Deleted]

ilovelamp, maybe you could set aside time for a get-together that includes his friends like once a month? Meet for drinks, or have them over to watch everyone's favorite TV show? I'm with you -- when I'm not at work, my time off is precious, and I generally would rather chill on the couch with my hubby than be really social. But making an effort, in a small, measured way, will let him know that you don't dislike his friends, but still keeps most of your time off to yourself:-)

[basilosaurus]

I think it's personality more than work hours. H easily works 60+ hour weeks and still wants to socialize. I could work 20 and be entirely burned out on people.

What works for us is that I tell him to take a guys night. That gives him socialization and gives me time off. Then we can meet in the middle the next night (or later that week)

Also, you do have to suck it up on occasion. I went out with friends a few nights ago after getting gentle chiding about how I must dislike them. Even though I wasn't in the mood. And h will stay in if I just want quiet company.

He's entirely secure in us, though, that he gladly goes out with friends, male and female, when I shove him out the door. For instance I rarely like going to movies, but he loves it. He's gone with the guys and the girls. We view this as mutually beneficial.

[ilovelamp]

Thanks everyone, those are great tips. I definitely think I do need to sometimes just make an effort and suck it up or I could easily turn into a secluded homebody.

Vil, I like the idea of setting specific time aside. That's one of the problems is nobody makes plans so it's always last minute and I can't stand that.

He apologized last night and said he appreciates how hard I work. He also told me he just wants to spend more time with me in some social settings. I guess if our problem is that he just wants to have fun with me more, it's not that bad.

[basilosaurus]

Do you have a weekly guys night? Like where they play video games or go to a movie?

I found that was the easiest coexistence with our personalities. Every mid week he could hang with the guys (and amenable women) and I'd get a night off.

By the weekend we were both ready to have a night with friends. For me it was the first all week, plus a night alone, and for him it was the 2nd or 3rd.

He does prefer going out with me, so I get your partner's perspective, but he really prefers my company when I actually want to be there. So a night off during the week makes for a better saturday night because of the balance. Does that make sense?

[MrsAggie]

Jul 22, 2012 18:40:23 GMT -5 ilovelamp said:

What the French toast?

This made me lol

[Deleted]

I work 40 hours a week. I'm tired a lot of the time. I feel like I'm going to be single for a very long time because I don't have the energy to date. It's sad. My STBXH was a big social butterfly and always wanted to go out and do things. He could work a 14 hour day and want to have friends over when he got home and go to work at 6 am the next day. I'm a homebody and become homicidal when I do not get 6-8 hrs a night.

Like a PP said, it's a personality thing.

[Deleted]

Yeah, last minute plans all of the time would drive me crazy too.

[ilovelamp]

Sibil, that does make sense. We don't have anything like that right now but I think it could definitely help us out. I would enjoy some of that time alone!

LL, I'm sorry. I can't imagine working all the time and trying to date. However it's better than having to fuck a cactus!

[audette]

I have a strange work schedule. It's part time when I'm home, but I travel frequently, for 1-2 weeks at a time.

I like to make the most of my home time, and that includes both relaxing at home, alone and with DH, and seeing friends. The area that loses out is getting out and doing things, like going to the upteen awesome museums in the area here, none of which we have made it to yet, or out to the parks for hiking, or that sort of thing. We have to deliberately plan doing that sort of thing, and if we don't plan ahead of time, it doesn't happen.