Moms - when you aren't hacking it

[sonrisa]

Moms -

1) What do you do to get yourself back on track when things go wrong? When your patience always runs too thin? When you can't seem to tackle normal, simple tasks without fucking it up in some way? When your own failings are hurting your kids? 

2) What are your favorite ways to "get away from it all" or "take a break from the kids" that you can do with the kids in tow? Ways to feel refreshed and get a breather when you can't actually be away from them physically.

[Deleted]

1) I get away for a day, usually on the weekends. H will have kid duty for a few hours, and I'll just putz around and do low key stuff like get a pedicure, go see a movie, isolate myself in the bedroom for an epic nap and Netflix. I need decompression time to rejuvenate.

2) Currently, the toddler section of the Children's Museum. She can't kill herself there and I can just sit back and relax since it's separated from the bigger kid areas.

[Deleted]

I have been having good luck with our local splash pad which is adjoined to a playground. I can take a towel and a book and read and only supervise minimally. Otherwise my attention is required in a public setting.

At home, TV.

Don't beat yourself up when things go wrong. They go wrong for everyone. I find it's good to try and get out of the house; random chit chat with non-kiddos is nice.

[ijack]

1. alone time
2. play date with a good friend so the kids aren't "on" me. or tv

[Ohhmm(bligo)]

1. Cry to my therapist, read a book about Narcisstic Mothers and/or Whole Brained Children.
2. I need one of these. All I really have now is to drag them to one of my 2 BFFs, so we can get some adult time in, in between yelling WELL THEN STOP HITTING HIM.

[Deleted]

1. Whenever I've felt like I am really falling apart, I've cleared out my schedule for a couple of weeks. Like, no extra work stuff, no church/committee/community stuff, no appointments, no social stuff. Maybe taken a sick day from work. It helps to regroup and get the confidence in the daily routine again. Although that may not be the source of your stress, so I don't know.

2. This is so age and kid dependent. Taking Andy on a walk outside, or to the playground where just the two of us can play, is something he loves and the risk of whining is minimal. Playgroup-style stuff with friends is a no go, because mediating toddler shit is my personal hell. It really depends. Is leaving a child with a spouse for a couple hours an option?

[cuddlyevil]

Alone time, alone time, alone time.

I always try to take a few minutes in another room to breathe and settle myself if I feel myself getting stressed out. But the little snots follow me around, so it can be hard.

[8675309]

I am going to follow this thread because I am worn out too. There are days where I feel totally buried in toddler nonsense. The crying, the fighting, the constant NEEDING. I know I signed up for this but there are some days that are harder than others.

I need a moms night out or something!

[cookies]

1. Ask H to take over for a few hours or a day. Usually I don't want to leave the house, I want them to leave the house so I can just breathe.

2. Bath time. Man, I love bath time.

[papie]

When I can't take it anymore I have two strategies. Either I get us all out of the house (yard, pool, park, mall, whatever) without finishing my tasks or I turn the TV for the older ones and try to get the baby down for a nap. I take a nap with him if I need to, sometimes u can read while he sleeps. And fuck the housework. I will just leave it there half finished if I have to.

[Deleted]

1) Have GNO, go for a run. Go to the gym, put the kid in daycare and take a long shower, sit in the sauna and jacuzzi. Do Yoga, read a book. Hire a sitter or have a friend watch DS for two hours and I go to the library and read.

2) Invite friends over for a play date, tell them to bring wine and let the kids play, play, play. We just laugh and let the kids destroy the house and have some apps and a glass of wine. I did this last night. My friend brought wine and sushi. The night ended with her and I dancing around the backyard with the kids joining in. Then she helped me clean up, I put DS to bed and I resumed my wine drinking. It was an excellent night.

[eddy]

1. Breaks-It is the only way I can get myself back on track. Exercise helps me feel centered as well

2. Our backyard. I fill up the water table and pool and the boys will be happy for hours. I don't have to make them behave in public and it is shaded so I can comfortable sit and read my book.

[malibu]

Jul 23, 2014 12:29:14 GMT -5 puddleofgrace said:

I really wish I knew. I'm struggling big time again and my period hitting is making things 1000x worse. Me getting short with the kids causes N to act up more. It's a never-ending battle and I'm just done. There isn't enough of me to go around and do everything and I'm burnt the fuck out.

You and I both need a vacation. Let's go to Hawaii.

[revolution]

Jul 23, 2014 12:23:48 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

Moms -

1) What do you do to get yourself back on track when things go wrong? When your patience always runs too thin? When you can't seem to tackle normal, simple tasks without fucking it up in some way? When your own failings are hurting your kids? 

2) What are your favorite ways to "get away from it all" or "take a break from the kids" that you can do with the kids in tow? Ways to feel refreshed and get a breather when you can't actually be away from them physically.

1.  Usually my patience is limited because I try to do too much.  So when that happens, I say fuck it and get a cup of coffee and sit on the floor and just play with them.  One time, I rode DD's ass hard one morning because I was in a bad mood and late and trying to get out the door.  She was bawling and trying to brush her teeth.  I heard that and wanted to cry myself.  So I went into the bathroom and she gave me a sad look and I cried.  I just picked her up and hugged her.  We sat on the stairs and I apologized and we agreed to start the day over.  

2.  Go to DD and get myself a large coffee and the kids a donut.  or go to a local game place/bounce house place where they can run and play and I can supervise from a distance.  go to a park.  go somewhere they can run off energy and I can decompress and gather myself.

[Ohhmm(bligo)]

Jul 23, 2014 12:31:10 GMT -5 @missusbee said:

1. Whenever I've felt like I am really falling apart, I've cleared out my schedule for a couple of weeks. Like, no extra work stuff, no church/committee/community stuff, no appointments, no social stuff. Maybe taken a sick day from work. It helps to regroup and get the confidence in the daily routine again. Although that may not be the source of your stress, so I don't know.

2. This is so age and kid dependent. Taking Andy on a walk outside, or to the playground where just the two of us can play, is something he loves and the risk of whining is minimal. Playgroup-style stuff with friends is a no go, because mediating toddler shit is my personal hell. It really depends. Is leaving a child with a spouse for a couple hours an option?

Oh I do usually take a mental health day, too.

[jr009j]

My answer for both of those is go outside. For some reason, DD tend to leave me alone more if we're outside and it resets me. So we will go to the playground that requires the least amount of hands on supervision. I like to get a coffee beforehand and then just let her play.

[mandymay]

I'll tell my husband I'm going to snap and he usually takes a day where they're gone and I can have quiet. Or I go out with friends. If it's in the moment and I can't seem to control being irrationally angry with my daughter I have a ten minute time out for myself. She understands time outs and gives me a wide berth until my time's up. That usually helps. Or quiet time for her in her own room.

I enjoy taking her to the jump house place near us and letting her run/jump for two to three hours. It's $9 and I don't have to deal with her much AND she has a blast. Also, going out to the park, pool or anywhere outside where she can blow off some energy and I can get some vitamin D is a good thing. Sometimes it's just getting out there that's the struggle though.

[escrow]

My dh is gone for work for 3 weeks, I am not quite one week in and it is not fun. I am used to at least getting a few hours of alone time in on the weekends. I usually take the dog on a nice hike somewhere if I can get away. When I can't get away from little miss we will do splash pad, or the pool that has a really cool kids playground where I can chill in the two feet of water and watch while I get tan. Or we will go to Ikea, dd loves the child care play place there so that is an hour of kid free time.

[AHappierHour]

1) when things are getting rough for me I try and do anything alone. An hour to myself does a lot for me.

2) get out of the house ASAP!! I take them to a park, library, on a walk or in the pool.

[ginap]

Jul 23, 2014 12:29:14 GMT -5 puddleofgrace said:

This post is so timely, I am 100% here as well.  I can no longer function with a nearly 3 yr old who has to engage in a battle of wills over every.fucking.thing and a man-boy husband who only wants to play video games and have "me" time at night when we get home.  I just can't do it all anymore - I cook, I clean, I do laundry, I tackle big house tasks (cleaning the garage, transitioning C's room to a toddler room, etc).  I'm just done lately.  I need a vacation so bad - with or without my H.  I yell more than I should and want to, I have so little patience, I'm just worn to nubs.  

[adhdfashion]

Get together for play date with another mom. To complain and drink wine.
Pedicure and lunch date with a friend.
Go fabric shopping.

[snipsnsnails]

((Hugs))

1) Do whatever it takes to get a longer-than-I'm-getting chunk of sleep. Sleep is my magic fix-all. I also do Girls' Night Out or get a hotel for a Friday night just to myself (I did this once when things were dire). Fly to my parents if it came to it or drive to my ILs. Plan vacations that I won't take but enjoy dreaming about. Pray. PM Sonrisa to vent.

2) Put them in the stroller and go for a walk. They are pretty content in there and we don't interact a lot on days when we wear on one another's' nerves. Plan a play date.

[nadasteph]

Sorry things aren't going well from the sounds of it.

For number 2, anywhere I can load them both in the stroller and walk around while they're contained yet still interested, like the zoo. Or throw on a movie and feed them snacks.

[mommytutu]

Breaks are key. Also I have to remind myself they are just kids and they aren't going to be little forever.

[Deleted]

1). Usually I need more sleep-- & sometimes that can't be fixed easily. I also have a hard time asking for help, & if I do I don't aleays get it. But when I do,that really does a lot for me.

2). If you have an Ikea near you, kids eat free on Tuesday. We go, eat, I drop the oldest off at the playland and browse with my two littles in the stroller.
I also utilize the gym daycare. We can use up to 2 hours/day.

[sonrisa]

Thanks for all the great ideas