Where to begin

[anodyne]

I am just starting down the road of what I hope is recovery for my DH.  He is an alcoholic and got a DUI last night.  I don't have all the details because he is OOT, but I told him the only way I wanted him home this weekend is if he went to a meeting.  Where do I begin with all this?  In general and wrt meetings.  I found a newcomer meeting with a speaker near by.  Would that be the right meeting?  He isn't too up on the idea of meetings, he doesn't want to talk to strangers about his problems so I said I would go with him.  Can I go?  He did admit to a problem, and "says" this is his wake up call and he will no longer drink.   

[SwimDeep]

I think that sounds like a good first meeting. The first meeting my H and I went to was a newcomers meeting with a special speaker (we didn't plan it, that's just how it happened). I think it was the best meeting we could have gone to. I went to several more meetings with him until he felt more comfortable going on his own and then I switched to al-anon.
One thing that my H says is helpful about going to meetings is that even when he doesn't feel like talking to anyone or sharing, listening to other people talk and share helps get him out of his own head. He's also said that different groups have different vibes. After we moved recently he tried several different meetings before he found a group that he felt comfortable with.

[Deleted]

Jul 25, 2014 9:22:44 GMT -5 toriwc said:

If it is listed as an open meeting, you are welcome to attend. Dh would go with me from time to time, in the beginning or for anniversaries. I think the meeting you found sounds great.

Agree with this.  Be sure it's an open meeting if you want to attend with him.  Closed meetings are for only those who identify as alcoholics or have a desire to stop drinking.  Sounds like you found a good start.  

And welcome to our board.

[flex]

At open meetings, non-AA people can attend as observers. Closed meetings are only for alcoholics. A lot of times the people who attend closed meetings are business professionals, politicians, actors, etc., etc. In Anchorage there are far more open than closed meetings.

Like the PP's said, a person does NOT have to talk at a meeting at all. At the opening readings of most meetings it's asked if there are any newcomers or those in the their first 30 days of sobriety and they are asked for their first name only. It's not meant to embarrass anyone but just so they know who to reach out to.

And even if he/she is called on, it's perfectly acceptable to decline to speak. No one minds in the slightest.

I hope he goes. DUI is a rough thing to deal with but it's an enormous wake-up call.

[anodyne]

Jul 25, 2014 10:39:36 GMT -5 flex said:

At open meetings, non-AA people can attend as observers. Closed meetings are only for alcoholics. A lot of times the people who attend closed meetings are business professionals, politicians, actors, etc., etc. In Anchorage there are far more open than closed meetings.

Like the PP's said, a person does NOT have to talk at a meeting at all. At the opening readings of most meetings it's asked if there are any newcomers or those in the their first 30 days of sobriety and they are asked for their first name only. It's not meant to embarrass anyone but just so they know who to reach out to.

And even if he/she is called on, it's perfectly acceptable to decline to speak. No one minds in the slightest.

I hope he goes. DUI is a rough thing to deal with but it's an enormous wake-up call.

Thank you.

like I said, I don't have all the details, but he wasn't driving?  He was sitting in the truck at the bar?  I have a hard time believing this, but he is not a big liar, more of a leave out information type.  He was with co-workers and I am hoping they were trying to keep him from driving and maybe they or the bar alerted the police?   

I guess the details don't matter.  This is where we are, thank God no one was hurt or killed, and we/he has bigger fish to fry.

i may be coming for advise as we go through this.  Alcoholism is strong in my extended family and his.  I chose to quit drinking after college when I saw all the pain and bs my mom had and still has to go through with her parents and siblings.  I sometimes come off naggy and bitchy.  I am trying to stay supportive and not all "I told you so".  I may need some help navigating that.

[flex]

You can totally get a DUI just sitting in your vehicle. You don't even have to be upright-you can be completely passed out and get one.

And speaking just for me, if that was me, I would have ultimately driven while under the influence after I woke up from passing out.  So I think people SHOULD be arrested even if they're just sitting them because it's just a matter of time until the key is put into the ignition.

[anodyne]

Jul 25, 2014 11:41:48 GMT -5 flex said:

You can totally get a DUI just sitting in your vehicle. You don't even have to be upright-you can be completely passed out and get one.

And speaking just for me, if that was me, I would have ultimately driven while under the influence after I woke up from passing out.  So I think people SHOULD be arrested even if they're just sitting them because it's just a matter of time until the key is put into the ignition.

I completely agree.   My doubt was in him not driving at the time of it vs. being able to get one while not driving.  I am always the DD, he knows how much I despise driving with any alcohol in him and may have said this to keep me from flipping out even more.   I am thankful to whomever played a part in stopping him.

[malibu]

I am sorry to hear you are in this position.

DUIs are the suck. As the spouse, who wasn't involved or even there, they suck. They're expensive, they take years to deal with w/r/t ignition interlocks, special license plates (at least that's here in MN), ugh. I am sorry you're in this situation. Been there, and I feel bad for anyone else who gets to go through it.

Sounds like a great first meeting to attend.

Welcome, but again, sorry you have to be here, if that makes sense. LOL