When do you get a break?

[hensmum]

Replying to Two's weekend post made me wonder - when/how/how often do you get a break??

Especially for the SAHMs - does your SO take over and give you some time off from time to time? How often? For how long? What do you like to do with that time? Or is it someone else that gives you (and maybe your SO too!) - like grandparents or a babysitter?

Of course, working moms answer too - and a bonus Q for you: does your job feel like a bit of a break from the mommying for you?

Discuss. I'm curious.

[Deleted]

If I really need a break I will have the big girls lay down and read or nap when the little girls take their afternoon nap. J rarely takes over, I'm the 24/7 mom, but she does take all of the kids to her parents house once in a blue moon if I desperately need a break.

I usually watch TV, read, nap or get chores done.

[twotrue]

when/how/how often do you get a break?? - Like a real break? counting taking a shower, which on same days includes a toddler) maybe every few weeks.

K was supposed to pick up JB from daycare on Tuesdays and Thursday so that I would have time to myself but that hasn't really been happening. And when it has I've used that time to do house chores, or paying bills, or organizing shit. I haven't used it to you know, work out, get a pedi, or drink


Or is it someone else that gives you (and maybe your SO too!) - like grandparents or a babysitter? We do have some great babysitters that we will leave DD with but it doesn't seem to happen all that often right now.

Of course, working moms answer too - and a bonus Q for you: does your job feel like a bit of a break from the mommying for you? Yes and No. Yes, because it's a break from family/house. I get to pee all by myself and I can eat my entire lunch without someone wanting some. But no, because I'm still thinking about family/house and everything that I have to do but can't because I'm at work. Like the laundry I can't do right now. Or the house repairs, or the grocery shopping, or the paper filing, or the car washing. I feel like work just sucks away more of my time when time is already limited.

[2brides]

You also caught me on a bad day since I has the kids solo for nearly a week straight (L worked late 4/5 nights last week and was away writing Fri-Mon) and I felt crummy/exhausted.

Sometimes my job feels like a break and sometimes it is so crazy that it doesn't feel like a break at all. Just like I am rushing from one thing to the other. Get the kids up and out the door to camp. Rush to work. Work. Rush to get kids from camp. Rush to get dinner/bath/bed done.

If L is home I try to defer as much parenting to her as possible. But then I get frustrated when she doesn't do things as I would. And because she is away so much for work/school, the weekends she is home we tend do so family stuff (L does encourage me to take time for myself - but I don't just want time away - I just don't want to be solo parenting.)

L does encourage me to do stuff after work to take time for myself. But 1) by 6pm I am toast and really not looking to go out. 2) I often need to work late/do errands that are difficult with the kids. 3) We aren't home that much all together as a family so I feel like that needs to take precedence.

I do go out for happy hour with co-workers/friends every few months and meet up with a college friend for dinner about 4x/year. I don't think I have ever gone out on a weekend night alone/with friends.

But being home alone for extended periods of time with the kids has become easier/less stressful as they have gotten older because they can play together while I do something else/rest, I am not above putting in a movie for them to watch if I need an extended period of quiet, and they don't need to be supervised 100% of the time.

[cymru]

I get my break on tuesdays and thursdays when she is at gymnastics.

[ssg73]

I can answer from both the perspective of a sahm (my summers) and working mom. Things are pretty much on my shoulders on the parenting front but getting better now that grad school is over and some pretty serious conversations with dw about her pulling more of her share of the parenting duty. I am pretty bad at asking for and taking time to myself. I have gotten used to over the past two years to kind of muddle along with a toddler attached to me at all time. In the past I have taken advantage of daycare being open when I am on school break. During the year I send her at least 2-3 days when I am on break. That gives me some time to sleep in or spend time with friends. This summer E has been going to daycare 3 days/week in July. She ends daycare in 1 week and I will have her full time for the rest of the summer except for 5 days where she is going to 1/2 day camp at her new preschool. I am both excited and dreading this at the same time. I love spending my days with my girl but it can get to be a long day at home with her. I don't see work as much of a break since teaching is a very intensive work environment with lots of people needing my attention (not just one). I think middle schoolers are about as challenging preschoolers just with better vocabularies. DW does give me breaks but I have to ask for them which annoys me. It will be interesting to see how next school year works out with me working and fingers crossed dw working as well. My parents are very helpful and come and watch E at least once a week. They used to come on Fridays to give dw a break but when E is out of school for August I am sure I will use them to give me a break.

[eratmama]

Jul 23, 2012 11:49:37 GMT -5 hensmum said:

Replying to Two's weekend post made me wonder - when/how/how often do you get a break??

L is better at asking/planning for this, and also better at it for the two of us. I am not so good at asking for help myself.

Because I am a SAHM, I feel like I always have a running to do list in my head. So, even when L is home, I feel very 'in charge' and plan-ful. She is good at doing equal parenting when she is here--but I don't get out much by myself.

Especially for the SAHMs - does your SO take over and give you some time off from time to time? How often? For how long? What do you like to do with that time? Or is it someone else that gives you (and maybe your SO too!) - like grandparents or a babysitter?

I do occasionally go out with a friend, but not very often--maybe once or twice a month? and the majority of that time is post-bedtime. L will watch the kids then.

We have never used a paid babysitter (a pro and con of foster parenting) but my mom has watched a kid or two for a few hours. Usually that is so I can go to a job interview, or something else that I wouldn't consider "off." But, I am going to try to schedule some off time.

And, I definitely agree about the parenting in public---I am still actively parenting 90% of the time. Although eating a full meal while someone feeds Punkin sure is nice!

Of course, working moms answer too - and a bonus Q for you: does your job feel like a bit of a break from the mommying for you?

Discuss. I'm curious.

[ct]

when/how/how often do you get a break??

- Depends on what you mean by a break...sometimes I get to go grocery shopping on my own, which is nice. And I do make it to the gym at least 3x/week, but both of those things are usually done when the kids are in bed (either rest time during the weekend, early morning weekend, or after they go to bed during the week). So, to be honest, it doesn't feel like much of a break since that's *my* time anyway. ya know?

DW gets a lot more time off (while the kids are awake) than I do. Whenever I complain she insists that I can take as much time as I want but it just doesnt ever work out that way...either it conflicts with her time off, or I want to spend time with the kids, or she's tired and I didnt "give her enough notice" or whatever...


Or is it someone else that gives you (and maybe your SO too!) - like grandparents or a babysitter?

- we love our babysitter, but cant afford to use her too often. and is it bad to admit that date night doesnt feel like a break for me?? its nice and we certainly need date nights, but it isnt a break, lol.

Does your job feel like a bit of a break from the mommying for you?

- Yes and no for me too. It is a break in that I have 8 hours to semi-schedule as I wish with no whining or crying, ect. I get to eat when i want, pee in private, check the boards, make phone calls as needed, ect. But, I'm always running from one thing to the next. My life is very much split into my 2 jobs: working and mommying. The minute I'm done with one, i'm onto the next. And then there is the dishes, laundry, cooking, cleaning - all that stuff that cant get done while i'm working outside of the home (not that its easy to get it done while working at home either with 3 kids underfoot, but still more doable).

[ElsaVonM]

- I go to the library 2-3x a week to job hunt.
- I go to Crossfit classes 3x a week in the evening, and work out at home 2x a week.
- My parents watch the babies once every week or two so we can have date night

Besides that, we just try to watch each other and offer breaks when the other person is looking especially tired/ragged I've watched the babies while Jen went to the movies, she has watched them so I could have a day out with my mom, etc. I think we are doing a really good job of taking care of each other and I hope we can keep it up - being unselfish can be hard

[hensmum]

Thanks for all these great replies, ladies! So nice to hear others' experiences. I have sooo much to say in response

Jul 24, 2012 9:16:21 GMT -5 ct said:

- Depends on what you mean by a break...sometimes I get to go grocery shopping on my own, which is nice. And I do make it to the gym at least 3x/week, but both of those things are usually done when the kids are in bed (either rest time during the weekend, early morning weekend, or after they go to bed during the week). So, to be honest, it doesn't feel like much of a break since that's *my* time anyway. ya know?

DW gets a lot more time off (while the kids are awake) than I do. Whenever I complain she insists that I can take as much time as I want but it just doesnt ever work out that way...either it conflicts with her time off, or I want to spend time with the kids, or she's tired and I didnt "give her enough notice" or whatever...

[...]

and is it bad to admit that date night doesnt feel like a break for me?? its nice and we certainly need date nights, but it isnt a break, lol.

[...]

It is a break in that I have 8 hours to semi-schedule as I wish with no whining or crying, ect. I get to eat when i want, pee in private, check the boards, make phone calls as needed, ect. But, I'm always running from one thing to the next. My life is very much split into my 2 jobs: working and mommying. The minute I'm done with one, i'm onto the next. And then there is the dishes, laundry, cooking, cleaning - all that stuff that cant get done while i'm working outside of the home (not that its easy to get it done while working at home either with 3 kids underfoot, but still more doable).

ct - YESSS there are different kinds of breaks for sure. And I TOTALLY agree that after bedtime breaks and datenights do not feel like breaks.

And ah yes, the old "you can take a break whenever you want" - but really, seriously we can't. *sigh*

The idea of switching from one job to the next (mommy/jobby job) is something I think we need to *ahem* work on in our house. As the primary parent, I'm allllllways on duty. I think C has trouble getting back ON duty when she gets home.

Jul 23, 2012 12:50:35 GMT -5 twotrue said:

when/how/how often do you get a break?? - Like a real break? counting taking a shower, which on same days includes a toddler)

Two, showers don't count!!! LOL Showering alone on occasion is bare necessity! (Though it is probably one of the most decadent things I get to do - 30 mins alone in hot water.....ahhhhh..... I treasure it when it happens!)

Jul 23, 2012 12:58:58 GMT -5 2brides said:

L does encourage me to do stuff after work to take time for myself. But 1) by 6pm I am toast and really not looking to go out. 2) I often need to work late/do errands that are difficult with the kids. 3) We aren't home that much all together as a family so I feel like that needs to take precedence.

[...]

But being home alone for extended periods of time with the kids has become easier/less stressful as they have gotten older because they can play together while I do something else/rest, I am not above putting in a movie for them to watch if I need an extended period of quiet, and they don't need to be supervised 100% of the time.

2brides - I was nodding along reading your reply. Yes, the evenings are potentially time for a break, but who has the energy?? I did go to Target or the grocery store alone a couple of nights in the recent past, which was really nice, but then I got home, it was late, I had to put everything away, and most of my time to spend with C was gone. And on the weekends, sometimes I feel so guilty for asking to slip out alone for a while because C works so much, I really DO want to spend family time together - I just need more hours to divvy up!!

I know child's age def plays a role in this. When Henry was a newborn I didn't get, want, or need a break. I am an itty-bitty-baby person for sure. Was happy as a clam not even leaving the house most days with him. But with a toddler and a spouse who works more than full time? GIVE ME A BREAK PLEEEEAAASE

Jul 23, 2012 15:58:17 GMT -5 ssg73 said:

Things are pretty much on my shoulders on the parenting front but getting better now that grad school is over and some pretty serious conversations with dw about her pulling more of her share of the parenting duty. I am pretty bad at asking for and taking time to myself. I have gotten used to over the past two years to kind of muddle along with a toddler attached to me at all time.

ssg - We have had some similar chats as well. Before Henry, I had no idea how hard it would be to balance the division of labor. Especially with me being a SAHM and C working such long hours.

I have come to terms with the fact that I have to ask for time off when I need it, but sheesh, I really would love to not ALWAYS have to. We're working on it

Jul 23, 2012 20:28:47 GMT -5 eratmama said:

Because I am a SAHM, I feel like I always have a running to do list in my head. So, even when L is home, I feel very 'in charge' and plan-ful.

erat - I am a walking to do list. My brain never stops. I always feel like I'm on duty.

[hensmum]

Okay, I guess I'll give my own real answer now too. My main break is preschool. Henry goes two days a week for 4 hours. Generally that time is spent cooking, cleaning, running errands, and a bit of time doing something to take care of myself like resting, zoning out online, browsing clothes at Target. The time goes by so fast! It is really fantastic though, even during light periods at work, C doesn't get home in time for dinner, and often not in time for bed, and preschool makes all the difference for me.

The one thing I do outside the house that is mine, all mine, is my ballet class once a week. It is after Henrys in bed, so I don't feel guilty about leaving C to watch him while I do something "unnecessary", and honestly now that I've been going I see that it IS necessary. I get so much out of it.

On the weekends, in theory, C goes to the gym on Saturday mornings with Henry. I say "in theory" because sometimes sh!t happens. They're gone for an hour or an hour and a half. It's a small break, but it's really nice to be able to start off my weekend by getting ready alone when it happens. Now that C is working with a trainer, it should be more regular.

We get a break as a couple about once a month now. We started a couple of months ago sending Henry for an overnight with one of my sets of parents once a month. It's pretty awesome, and I feel very, very fortunate that my parents are able to do it.

[thiswillbe]

Well, we both work full time, but we try to split things pretty evenly when we're not working. Usually the only option is for one of us to have primary responsibility for the must-do task at hand (e.g. making dinner), while the other one has responsibility for the kids (usually while trying to clean at the same time, though sometimes just playing with the kids).

On the weekends we kinda go back and forth, sometimes intentionally ("ok, you have 1 hour to do what you need to do, then I'll take 1 hour to do what I need to do"), sometimes haphazardly. The "off" parent is always working on the house, though, so it's not really a "break." I try to take the kids somewhere out of the house for a couple hours each weekend to give S a break. And sometimes I sneak out to run errands while they're napping and S stays home with them.

Now that I think about it, the only real "free time" we get is after they're in bed. (Date night? What's that?)