C25K...it works Seaside 5K...........40:45(2012) Turkey Trot..........41:30(2012)/37:08(2013)/37:40(2014) St Pat's 5K..........39:27(2013)/38:48(2014)/35:12(2015) Belair Town Run......38:09(2013)/36:27(2014) Back To Football 5K..37:36(2013)/43:44(2015) Balt Run Fest 5K.....34:59(2013)/41:50(2014)/35:54(2015)
I like it. I don't want sex to be some mysterious thing. I think lots of honest and accurate mini-conversations are preferable to one painfully awkward mostly inaccurate version of The Talk.
Post by dixeedeluxe on Jul 29, 2014 14:34:50 GMT -5
I think she's thinking she's better than some authoritarian parents because she says "we" instead of "you". But she's not a pubescent girl. So there is no "we". It's short sighted to think just because you tell your kids the truth, they will listen.
"We don't have sex without thinking long and hard about it first, and we certainly don't do it without being careful, and being safe, and being totally confident in the maturity of our partner and our ability to handle the repercussions if we get a disease or get pregnant."
Last Edit: Jul 29, 2014 14:37:12 GMT -5 by dixeedeluxe
C25K...it works Seaside 5K...........40:45(2012) Turkey Trot..........41:30(2012)/37:08(2013)/37:40(2014) St Pat's 5K..........39:27(2013)/38:48(2014)/35:12(2015) Belair Town Run......38:09(2013)/36:27(2014) Back To Football 5K..37:36(2013)/43:44(2015) Balt Run Fest 5K.....34:59(2013)/41:50(2014)/35:54(2015)
C25K...it works Seaside 5K...........40:45(2012) Turkey Trot..........41:30(2012)/37:08(2013)/37:40(2014) St Pat's 5K..........39:27(2013)/38:48(2014)/35:12(2015) Belair Town Run......38:09(2013)/36:27(2014) Back To Football 5K..37:36(2013)/43:44(2015) Balt Run Fest 5K.....34:59(2013)/41:50(2014)/35:54(2015)
I like it but I will forever be a vagina person. It's just easier and I feel like a word other kids her age will understand, I can't imagine many young kids will know vulva. Not that I imagine she will be talking about it with kids her age? Maybe they do.
I think she's thinking she's better than some authoritarian parents because she says "we" instead of "you". But she's not a pubescent girl. So there is no "we". It's short sighted to think just because you tell your kids the truth, they will listen.
"We don't have sex without thinking long and hard about it first, and we certainly don't do it without being careful, and being safe, and being totally confident in the maturity of our partner and our ability to handle the repercussions if we get a disease or get pregnant."
Maybe....but perhaps a different approach can eliminate feeling shame or misunderstandings.
I think if she instead told truths about her own girlhood rather than trying to put off as if she was still a girl, that'd be helpful. But pretending you're the same as your pre-teen is the stuff that teen angst is made of.
I mean, obviously "we" don't play with our vulvas at the table. But she's going to lose credibility when talking about birth control. This article says she also delt with IF. So maybe you shouldn't talk to a 4 year old about IF and BC in the same year. It's just confusing.
C25K...it works Seaside 5K...........40:45(2012) Turkey Trot..........41:30(2012)/37:08(2013)/37:40(2014) St Pat's 5K..........39:27(2013)/38:48(2014)/35:12(2015) Belair Town Run......38:09(2013)/36:27(2014) Back To Football 5K..37:36(2013)/43:44(2015) Balt Run Fest 5K.....34:59(2013)/41:50(2014)/35:54(2015)
C25K...it works Seaside 5K...........40:45(2012) Turkey Trot..........41:30(2012)/37:08(2013)/37:40(2014) St Pat's 5K..........39:27(2013)/38:48(2014)/35:12(2015) Belair Town Run......38:09(2013)/36:27(2014) Back To Football 5K..37:36(2013)/43:44(2015) Balt Run Fest 5K.....34:59(2013)/41:50(2014)/35:54(2015)
C25K...it works Seaside 5K...........40:45(2012) Turkey Trot..........41:30(2012)/37:08(2013)/37:40(2014) St Pat's 5K..........39:27(2013)/38:48(2014)/35:12(2015) Belair Town Run......38:09(2013)/36:27(2014) Back To Football 5K..37:36(2013)/43:44(2015) Balt Run Fest 5K.....34:59(2013)/41:50(2014)/35:54(2015)
Post by dixeedeluxe on Jul 29, 2014 14:59:50 GMT -5
I've started to let Edie wash her own crotch. Now she wants to wash Adeline's to be helpful. I think at almost 4, she's having a hard time understanding why Mom can touch Adeline's vagina, but she can't. But she CAN wash her own. So once she gets that all figured out, maybe I'll think of moving on to "boys have a penis". Unless she asks. But there are no boys in our family. She probably won't see a casual penis.
C25K...it works Seaside 5K...........40:45(2012) Turkey Trot..........41:30(2012)/37:08(2013)/37:40(2014) St Pat's 5K..........39:27(2013)/38:48(2014)/35:12(2015) Belair Town Run......38:09(2013)/36:27(2014) Back To Football 5K..37:36(2013)/43:44(2015) Balt Run Fest 5K.....34:59(2013)/41:50(2014)/35:54(2015)
Post by laurensmomma on Jul 29, 2014 15:11:21 GMT -5
While I like this article and what it is saying, I don't completely agree with the logic behind this:
"I never want to be responsible for setting the precedent that another person gets to tell them what to do with their bodies, and especially with their sexuality. I don't want to be the gateway for a manipulative, potentially abusive boyfriend."
I just don't see the two being the same. The role I play in my daughter's life is different than the role another person will have. As long as I treat her with respect and as the intelligent, responsible human being I hope she becomes, I would hope that she would view my opinion differently than others. I would definitely urge her not to have sex when she's not ready. Me telling her what I think she should do with her body is different than someone else telling her, in my opinion.
I also feel this way about a conversation I think that happened here before. It had to do with making your child hug grandma, or grandpa or whoever when you are saying goodbye. I have no problem asking her to show that level of affection to people who play key roles in our lives given that nothing else weird is going in the family dynamic. If she were to vehemently oppose that request, I would never force her to do so in the moment, but you can be sure there would be a discussion about it in privacy now that she's getting old enough to communicate her feelings. If I had any indication that something was going on that shouldn't be, I would be able to protect her from that going forward and I would be whistling a different tune, but if it was just because she was in a mood, I would hope to use it as a teaching moment on how we treat those we love. And, if she still opposed doing so, well then, I wouldn't fight it at that point. It's not a war I would choose to fight to the death.
Post by DesertMoon on Jul 29, 2014 15:49:15 GMT -5
I like some parts of this...but I don't Agree with letting my children think they can do whatever they want with their bodies...especially at pre teen ages. No just no. I will be telling them that sex isn't for children, that you cannot have an intimate relationship before you've become an adult . I know it's un realistic, and it still might happen but I'm not going to act like it's their body their choice. Especially sex with strangers whose names we don't know, hell no.
Aidan is currently fascinated by the difference between boys and girls (courtesy of a few shared baths with girls recently after pool play dates). He knows that boys have a penis and girls have a vagina (gina). He also knows that he should only play with his penis in his bedroom (maybe I should add the bathroom!) and that other people should not play with it. I hope we are able to continue being open with him as he grows.
We're in fascination land too. He sees the girls pee/get changed at daycare, so he knows about "babinas." He's totally confused when he sees me change, though. He thinks I have an "owie" because I don't have a penis.
I haven't bothered telling him where penis play is allowed yet. He generally only plays with his when he's in the car or at home.
I don't know though, about the "no fear or shame" thing when it comes to sex. I feel maybe a bit of fear and shame about the act of sex might better suit me when I picture my preteen and teen daughter
I feel like it's a BIT ideological really. What are the chances of successful execution of this plan
Things get a bit hazy when you are a teenager and think you are in love. I'm not sure it would all play out the way this person thinks it will
But then I don't actually disagree with her points. Just seems a bit like another one of these "here's how to parent! Don't end up with broken kids!" Type things
I'd kind of rather pretend my daughter will just not be interested in sex until she's maybe... Twenty. Twenty five.
E had a massive tantrum one day because I wouldn't tickle him on his penis (he was asking for various body parts to be tickled and was most unimpressed when I balked at the penis request, lol). So I attempted "private area" discussion before giving up about 5 minutes into it.
Now my 7 year old is well aware of private areas but still tries to run around the house naked and wave his penis at people. That along with potty humor and farting is basically a 7 year old boys greatest joy.
He asked to see a picture of a vagina the other day so looks like I need to get some books.
Meh. I have no problem teaching my kids about sex and teaching them that it's not shameful to have those feelings, but it also have no problem teaching my kids that sex should be reserved for marriage.
I can treat toddler body expression and self soothing as no big deal/private space conversation and still have heavy expectations about my children's maturity and caution when it comes to sex.
A 4 year old touching her vulva isn't being sexual. It may develop into sexual touching eventually. But it isn't now.
I'm not even in on the vulva/vagina game...we still refer to her hooha in this house. Oh well. G just asked me this morning if pee-pee comes out her hooha and poop comes out of her butt. Though yesterday she asked if her hooha was her little butt. I guess it kinda looks like a small butt?
That said, I really like the idea of many micro-conversations over childhood about sex/sexuality at increasingly more detailed levels. I don't necessarily agree with every detail of the article, but I think there's a lot of value in having those difficult conversation with your children and hopefully having them become less awkward/difficult over time so that our children are comfortable continuing to come to us to talk as they get older.
We use "bits" for a generic term for genitals, boy or girl. Holden knows that a vagina is the part of girl bits that babies come out of, and her urethra is the part that pee comes out of, and her clitoris is the part that looks like "a tiny penis." (Tiny penis is totally her term for it. She told us about it one day when we were driving home from the grocery store. DH almost ran off the road from trying not to laugh.) She knows that boys pee with a penis.
She knows that a woman can't just decide to be pregnant one day and actually be pregnant, and she knows that birth control is a way to tell a woman's body that she doesn't want to get pregnant right now. So, when I unexpectedly fell pregnant, she yelled at me for not using birth control. She knows that it takes a part from a mom and a part from a dad to make a baby, and the resulting baby will have the traits of both parents. She knows that her dad is going to have a surgery that makes it so the part from the dad that makes babies won't exist anymore.
Holden knows that the baby lives in my uterus and soon she will make me have really painful contractions that open up my cervix and allow her to slip into and out of my vagina. She also knows that I'm going to bleed a lot and it's going to be super gross.
As far as I know, she doesn't know that the penis goes inside the vagina.
C25K...it works Seaside 5K...........40:45(2012) Turkey Trot..........41:30(2012)/37:08(2013)/37:40(2014) St Pat's 5K..........39:27(2013)/38:48(2014)/35:12(2015) Belair Town Run......38:09(2013)/36:27(2014) Back To Football 5K..37:36(2013)/43:44(2015) Balt Run Fest 5K.....34:59(2013)/41:50(2014)/35:54(2015)
Post by charlielove on Jul 29, 2014 20:29:05 GMT -5
I use and will continue to use vagina. That is what the vast majority of people I come into contact with call it (including my doctor and NP) so I think it makes the most sense.
We use "bits" for a generic term for genitals, boy or girl. Holden knows that a vagina is the part of girl bits that babies come out of, and her urethra is the part that pee comes out of, and her clitoris is the part that looks like "a tiny penis." (Tiny penis is totally her term for it. She told us about it one day when we were driving home from the grocery store. DH almost ran off the road from trying not to laugh.) She knows that boys pee with a penis.
She knows that a woman can't just decide to be pregnant one day and actually be pregnant, and she knows that birth control is a way to tell a woman's body that she doesn't want to get pregnant right now. So, when I unexpectedly fell pregnant, she yelled at me for not using birth control. She knows that it takes a part from a mom and a part from a dad to make a baby, and the resulting baby will have the traits of both parents. She knows that her dad is going to have a surgery that makes it so the part from the dad that makes babies won't exist anymore.
Holden knows that the baby lives in my uterus and soon she will make me have really painful contractions that open up my cervix and allow her to slip into and out of my vagina. She also knows that I'm going to bleed a lot and it's going to be super gross.
As far as I know, she doesn't know that the penis goes inside the vagina.
She's six years old. I think she knows enough.
This is a lot of what Abby knows also. She asked when I was pregnant with Caleb (so she was almost 5) and wanted to know how the baby got in there and where the baby would come out. We told her that God took a little piece of Mommy and a little piece of Daddy and when they came together inside me, they formed a brand new baby. So far, she hasn't asked how those little pieces get inside me. We answer questions as they come up, but just because the question's been asked, it doesn't mean she needs to know everything just yet.
She's also declared that she's not going to have a baby because it hurts.
Post by TrudyCampbell on Jul 29, 2014 20:32:51 GMT -5
I can remind the exact moment I found out about sexual intercourse by looking in an encyclopedia, lol. I was in SHOCK that a penis went in a vagina. I could not believe it. I remember showing it to my brother because I thought it was the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard in my entire life.
Tuck, does she know all of that because she asked and you responded?
She's asked most of it, or shown me that she has a big misconception (like, "why doesn't the baby get dissolved in stomach acid?").
She also told us that Daddy pees with his penis and we pee with our tiny penis. I had to correct that idea.
She hasn't asked a question that can only be answered with penis+vagina, so I haven't gotten into that. I don't want to brush her questions off, but I'm not looking forward to that conversation. I can only assume that it will involve her yelling "EWWWWWW!"