WWYD? Family request re: baby's middle name

[catbus]

H and I decided a few months back that my maiden name will be baby's middle name. It's actually been used as a first name by two of my cousins for their sons (they live in totally different regions of the country). It's a very common last name, but totally works as a first or middle name.
So I was talking to my dad yesterday and out of the blue he said, "So I have a question... and it might be over the line. I was thinking I want you to consider using your grandma's [his mom's] maiden name as a middle name instead of [other name]. I feel like [other name] has been used a lot, but no one's around to carry on grandma's name, and it's going to die out."

Well, he has a point; that family name is gone. Problem is my paternal grandmother's maiden name is incredibly unattractive. I don't want to say what it is, because it's an uncommon name, but it's not dissimilar to "warlock." I was so stunned by his question that I couldn't think of anything tactful to say, and he actually thought the call had dropped. I finally managed to say something like, "We'll see." Neither H nor I are giving this any serious consideration. It's a horrible name to saddle someone with, even as "just a middle name." I joked that I bet my grandma was thrilled to get married and ditch her maiden name.

For the record, my grandma died over three years ago, so there's no chance this is something she mentioned to my dad. It's definitely his (weird) idea.

I don't know if he'll bring it up again. I definitely don't plan to. If he does, though, I really don't know how to tactfully tell him that we are sticking with our original choice. Anyone deal with something similar?

[definitelyO]

never dealt with that (used my maiden name for DS's middle name).

I would tell your dad that you appreciate him bringing this up and you know it means a lot to him, but you and DH talked and are going to stick with maiden name for the middle name

[vanillacourage]

If you're not wedded (no pun intended) to the idea of using your maiden name as your baby's middle name, I'd see if there's another name you can use that would honor your grandma. But I wouldn't really worry about it - I'm sure your dad could tell from your total lack of response that it wasn't going over well. And, I used MY maiden name as DS1's middle name, so I get why you'd want to do it and of course it's ultimately your baby to name how you see fit.

[thedash]

DH's grandfather asked us to consider his father's name as a first or middle. We don't like it. DH just said "we will consider it along with our other ideas." we never directly told him we were not picking it, just announced the name we decided.

[catbus]

I'm making too much of this, I know. If it comes up I will just say that we've been set on our previous choice for so long that now nothing else sounds right.

Jul 23, 2012 16:54:15 GMT -5 vanillacourage said:

If you're not wedded (no pun intended) to the idea of using your maiden name as your baby's middle name, I'd see if there's another name you can use that would honor your grandma.

Yeah, thing is if baby were a girl, I'd totally be open to using grandma's first name (Agatha) as a middle name. Not my first choice, but I'm not opposed to it.

[GailGoldie]

another reason to never tell people the names you are thinking of - just wait until the baby is born to announce the names... deal is done then.

[vanillacourage]

So apparently Agatha means "good" - could you look to see if there are boy names you like that have the same meaning?

[ECB]

You already know the answer. I understand where your dad is coming from, but you don't want to use that name. So, don't use it.

And sadly some family names die out. Mine probably will. DS has my maiden name as his middle, but I don't expect him to keep passing it down. If he does, wonderful, but I don't expect it and won't ask him to do so.

Realistically- even if you did use it, your son would probably be the last to have it as a part of his name.

[drloretta]

I haven't dealt with it, but I would suggest you simply say, "You know, we've settled on [other name]. How about those Penn State penalties?

It sounds like he's not going to press. If he does, stick to your guns.

[barefootcontessa]

Obviously it is your child and your choice. One of my sons as a pretty unappealing middle name because we wanted to honor my fil and he chose the name of his grandfather. He has a wonderful first name with many syllables so we never use his middle.

[tardyfortheparty]

Your baby, your choice.

[hannamaren]

What about your mothers middle name? mIL maiden name? All the other gmas maiden name? Why just pick one?
That is a good reason to pick your own maiden name so no favourites.

[bronxgirl]

Jul 23, 2012 17:01:43 GMT -5 GailGoldie said:

another reason to never tell people the names you are thinking of - just wait until the baby is born to announce the names... deal is done then.

I fully agree. Catbus, name your child whatever you like. Your kid, your choice.