Baby Rogo Update / Weird Grandparent Stuff

[toratoratori]

She is fat (midwife estimated 9 lbs.) and happy (strong heartbeat, plenty of fluid) in there and probably never coming out

I have a follow-up appointment on Monday where we'll do another NST and cervical check. If no progress by then, we'll schedule a date to induce.

I FaceTimed with my parents tonight, and my mom is freaking out because she has a work event on the 20th that she's been planning for six months and can't miss. My dad was yelling at her in the background: "She's been planning this baby for nine months! Let somebody else supervise the event!" Love my dad ❤️

I also had to have a second conversation with Dan tonight about how I don't want him talking to his parents about my medical treatment. His argument was that they're excited for the baby and they're medical professionals and it's a natural curiosity for them to know what's going on. My argument was I don't give a fuck - they are not my doctors, and if you want to continue having contact with my vagina, you will stop talking about it to other people.

This poor child. No wonder she doesn't want to leave my belly.

[jennlin]

Remind his parents about hippa, and they have no right to know...

[7costanza]

So exciting!! Enjoy these last few days, are you still working?

I refused to tell anyone about my progress/status at the end of my pregnancy. It made my mom really mad, but I didn't care. I also didn't tell anyone I was in labor or had the baby until he was almost 12 hours old (although I think I may have posted here, I was in labor for a long time).

The great thing about not sharing that stuff is that it helps set boundaries early and gives you and your H practice saying no to the grandparents. I don't get much push back when I set rules or say no to stuff now - they know I'm in charge and have all the power in the relationship, lol.

[jennlin]

oh also, those weight guesses are known to be very very inaccurate..so..plus or minus 1.5lbs and you'll be good

[picksthemusic]

Yeah, it's really common for grandparents to think that you having a baby is about them. I agree with 7costanza, set the boundaries. It's your husband's job to support you, not make his parents happy (especially during this time).

[toratoratori]

Aug 7, 2014 23:56:59 GMT -5 jennlin said:

Remind his parents about hippa, and they have no right to know...

I'm actually kind of wondering if I should go to them directly. Dan doesn't seem to think it's a big deal because he was raised in a household where they talked about all kinds of medical stuff all the time and no one is bothered by it. I wonder if they would be more respectful if I made it clear to them that it was making me uncomfortable.

[toratoratori]

Aug 8, 2014 0:06:19 GMT -5 7costanza said:

So exciting!! Enjoy these last few days, are you still working?

I refused to tell anyone about my progress/status at the end of my pregnancy. It made my mom really mad, but I didn't care. I also didn't tell anyone I was in labor or had the baby until he was almost 12 hours old (although I think I may have posted here, I was in labor for a long time).

The great thing about not sharing that stuff is that it helps set boundaries early and gives you and your H practice saying no to the grandparents. I don't get much push back when I set rules or say no to stuff now - they know I'm in charge and have all the power in the relationship, lol.

We don't really have that luxury, because we have to coordinate with friends to come watch the dogs, and also my parents, who are flying up from California. And I think it's only fair that if my parents get to know, his parents should know, too. The difference, however, between knowing I'm in labor and knowing how dilated my cervix is is quite a large one, as far as I'm concerned

ETA: Yep, still working! I'm on a modified schedule where I'm in the office three days a week with two hours of "telework" (read: checking my email immediately followed by naps). It's actually been pretty nice.

[jennlin]

Aug 8, 2014 12:35:17 GMT -5 toratoratori said:

Aug 7, 2014 23:56:59 GMT -5 jennlin said:

Remind his parents about hippa, and they have no right to know...

I'm actually kind of wondering if I should go to them directly. Dan doesn't seem to think it's a big deal because he was raised in a household where they talked about all kinds of medical stuff all the time and no one is bothered by it. I wonder if they would be more respectful if I made it clear to them that it was making me uncomfortable.

based on your situation, i would think to go to them directly. the next time they ask, say something along the lines of "i'm sorry, but it makes me uncomfortable to discuss the current details of my medical condition". or remind them that "dilation and effacement are no real indication of how soon labor is starting, and they are personal to me. please respect the privacy of my medical charts". don't tell dan the status (right away), and just ask him first "are you going to tell your parents? if so, i'm not telling you".

[toratoratori]

Aug 8, 2014 12:42:42 GMT -5 jennlin said:

Aug 8, 2014 12:35:17 GMT -5 toratoratori said:

I'm actually kind of wondering if I should go to them directly. Dan doesn't seem to think it's a big deal because he was raised in a household where they talked about all kinds of medical stuff all the time and no one is bothered by it. I wonder if they would be more respectful if I made it clear to them that it was making me uncomfortable.

based on your situation, i would think to go to them directly. the next time they ask, say something along the lines of "i'm sorry, but it makes me uncomfortable to discuss the current details of my medical condition". or remind them that "dilation and effacement are no real indication of how soon labor is starting, and they are personal to me. please respect the privacy of my medical charts". don't tell dan the status (right away), and just ask him first "are you going to tell your parents? if so, i'm not telling you".

My concern is that Dan apparently had a talk with them yesterday where he told them the medical questions were making me uncomfortable, so they should bring those to HIM. And I was like, "Dude, I'm not uncomfortable because the questions are directed at me, I'm uncomfortable that they're asking them, PERIOD." So I don't think they'll be asking me anything more, because now they'll go directly to him.

[jennlin]

Aug 8, 2014 12:46:51 GMT -5 toratoratori said:

Aug 8, 2014 12:42:42 GMT -5 jennlin said:

based on your situation, i would think to go to them directly. the next time they ask, say something along the lines of "i'm sorry, but it makes me uncomfortable to discuss the current details of my medical condition". or remind them that "dilation and effacement are no real indication of how soon labor is starting, and they are personal to me. please respect the privacy of my medical charts". don't tell dan the status (right away), and just ask him first "are you going to tell your parents? if so, i'm not telling you".

My concern is that Dan apparently had a talk with them yesterday where he told them the medical questions were making me uncomfortable, so they should bring those to HIM. And I was like, "Dude, I'm not uncomfortable because the questions are directed at me, I'm uncomfortable that they're asking them, PERIOD." So I don't think they'll be asking me anything more, because now they'll go directly to him.

lol. well the conversation needs to be with him then. you can tell him that your medical charts are not acceptable as family-dinner conversation.

[toratoratori]

Aug 8, 2014 13:33:08 GMT -5 jennlin said:

Aug 8, 2014 12:46:51 GMT -5 toratoratori said:

My concern is that Dan apparently had a talk with them yesterday where he told them the medical questions were making me uncomfortable, so they should bring those to HIM. And I was like, "Dude, I'm not uncomfortable because the questions are directed at me, I'm uncomfortable that they're asking them, PERIOD." So I don't think they'll be asking me anything more, because now they'll go directly to him.

lol. well the conversation needs to be with him then. you can tell him that your medical charts are not acceptable as family-dinner conversation.

Trust me, he knows! I just about hit him over the head with "DO NOT DO THIS" last night when he came home. Whether or not he listens is an entirely different story. We'll see, I guess

[picksthemusic]

So... that's just not okay. Your H needs to respect your wishes and not tell his parents the status of your cervix. Period. End of story. The fact that he's allowing his parents to keep asking personal/nosy questions about you and actually giving them the answers they want is a big no-no. He needs to be focusing on YOU right now - not making his parents happy.

There's a time and place for everything, but this is not one of them. I don't care if they're all OB/Gyns and it's all second nature to them - it's your information, your body, your choice as to whom you'd like to share it with. As medical professionals, they should be able to respect this, regardless if it involves their grandchild.

[toratoratori]

Aug 8, 2014 13:51:52 GMT -5 picksthemusic said:

So... that's just not okay. Your H needs to respect your wishes and not tell his parents the status of your cervix. Period. End of story. The fact that he's allowing his parents to keep asking personal/nosy questions about you and actually giving them the answers they want is a big no-no. He needs to be focusing on YOU right now - not making his parents happy.

There's a time and place for everything, but this is not one of them. I don't care if they're all OB/Gyns and it's all second nature to them - it's your information, your body, your choice as to whom you'd like to share it with. As medical professionals, they should be able to respect this, regardless if it involves their grandchild.

Yup! I explained all of this to him last night. I know he thinks I'm being unreasonable (in the same way I think he's unreasonable when he gets upset that I talk to my parents about money), but I think I made it clear that they can be curious without being intrusive, and he can be informative without giving them information I don't want them to have.

[dana86]

I"m glad I live in a cave sometimes lol Well that and no one knew I had either of the girls until a few hours after (accept my dad who had to watch M when I went into labor with J). Besides that we had to call people and just be like "oh by the way...'

[jennlin]

Show him this thread so he knows he's the one being unreasobable.

[shevacc]

I feel like this falls under your body your rules. I hope he can at least accept that you aren't comfortable and act accordingly.