Going on an overnight work trip tomorrow

[malibu]

My anxiety about H drinking while I'm gone is sky high. Things are somewhat better since he's gotten home; he switched ADs a little over a week ago and I see some improvement with his laying around doing nothing, but not a lot. In a few days (crazy enough, it still hasn't been decided or booked) I may be going to Canada for several nights, and the week after that for four or five nights for work.

His grandmother is in town, so I know at least the majority of the evening tomorrow will be spent over at his parents' house. It's when he gets home and puts DD to bed that worries me. "She's not home, she'll never know" type thoughts are spinning in my head. It makes me angry. It's not fair that I end up with this kind of anxiety when I'm going on a work trip - it's not even like I'm going off to have fun - because of his past lying and drinking. While I don't believe he's been drinking since coming home, I can never be sure, and he's pretty much doing the bare minimum (no AA meetings, hasn't contacted his sponsor, just goes to his outpatient treatment) so I have very little confidence that he'll remain sober, especially when he'll have this big opportunity with me not being home.

[btay]

Have you looked to see if there is an Al Anon meeting where you will be? It might be helpful to find an outlet while you are gone. I would also talk to your H now about your expectations as far as communication while you are gone so you are on the same page as far as when you expect a call, text, email, etc. This way there won't be any of that "he didn't answer my text, he must be drinking" inner dialogue. You can do this (())

[flex]

Malibu, you need to start going to Al-Anon meetings if you haven't already.

I'm really concerned your DH isn't going to meetings or contacted his sponsor. This does not bode well.

Try to let go of your concerns while you're on your trip. You can't "will" him to not drink so try to "let go". I know this is easier said than done.

[SwimDeep]

You know, it has only just now occurred to me that I can be grateful my H never hid alcohol or the fact that he was drinking. I don't think I would worry too much about him drinking while I was away. At the same time, we don't have any kids. I'm sure I would be more anxious about it if we did. When he drank, the only person he ever tried to hide it from was his mom. I think to a certain extent he saw me as his drinking buddy, so he never hid it from me.

I've learned in al-anon that the anxiety I had over him was something I had to relinquish to a higher power because it was something I had no control over. Just like an alcoholic can't control his/her drinking, I can't control the alcoholic. It's definitely not easy (and honestly, I'm still not sure what I mean when I say "higher power").

I just want to echo what flex said. As much as you can, try to let go. Hopefully this first overnight trip will go well and then the following, longer trips won't be quite so stressful.
(((hugs)))

[partiallysunny]

You have no control over this. If he starts to drink again, have a plan. Be prepared. That's all you can do.

Isn't him going to meetings/participating in treatment part of the ultimatum?

I know this is hard. I'm very sorry for what you're going through. But if you want to have a better life for you and your daughter, you need to stop enabling him.

[Deleted]

Sending you so many positive thoughts. I agree about the Al-Anon meetings, see if you can attend one.

Big hugs, we are here for support and you will get through this no matter what  (hug2)

[Deleted]

You deserve more than this and so does your daughter. I hope you will start going to Al Anon meetings like flex suggested and please start reading Codependent No More. 

[pinkdutchtulips]

al-anon is online as well ... google it. someone mentioned this at a meeting when she needed a meeting ASAP and was away on business in an unfamiliar locale.

[malibu]

Everything went fine. Kid fed, H didn't drink. Anxiety for nothing. Which is good

[elenetxu]

So glad to see everything went well!

[mel]

Glad to hear that it went well!

[btay]

Glad things went well. Every time he does this it will make it just a little easier to trust the next time