How do you find your identity?

[Deleted]

Being addict for so long at such a young age has really caused some issues with my identity.

During the years that I was supposed to be 'finding myself' I was out getting high, sleeping with people to get high, or in treatment/the hospital.

For so long that's all that I've considered myself. I was always an addict, I was always 'sick'. I never developed real friendship, I never found any hobbies, I never formed a real relationship with my parents. I'm just sick.

It's been a huge struggle for me over the last two years, and I'm starting to get concerned. What am I aside from sick? Sick is what I know how to be, I'm good at it and I miss it-as awful as that sounds.

Did you guys struggle with this? I feel like I should have done more by now to progress and get to a safe-ish place in my recovery. What do I do?

[flex]

For me it's been a 12-Step recovery program. I've worked the 12 Steps (and will continue to do so for the rest of my life), and as a result I have a better understanding of myself. Plus I have a great support system and a wealth of friends. That's what has worked for me.

But I had to make the effort. I had to want to get get better, then take action on it.

[btay]

I spent the "finding me" years hiding from the world because everything scared me, so I'm in the process of really trying to figure this out now.

[Deleted]

I force myself to try new things. It's an interesting process. Things I thought I'd never enjoy are actually kind of fun. Never one to exercise, I joined an exercise group. Always thought I disliked Indian food, but it's actually pretty good. My belief is that you have to get out of isolation and experience life. I wasted years worrying about whether or not I could do something, what people would think, on and on...

Next new "thing" I'm going to try is a climbing wall. Some of you know I had stitches in my face twice this summer due to a skin cancer and two surgeries. As soon as I get the okay from the doctor, I'm going to scale a climbing wall. Woohoo!

[lime]

Aug 20, 2014 22:57:37 GMT -5 btay said:

I spent the "finding me" years hiding from the world because everything scared me, so I'm in the process of really trying to figure this out now.

I did this plus a dash of anger on the side for dealing with my parents' abuse. I didn't really start this process until my late 20 or early 30s. 

 ETA - Sorry, I didn't answer your original question. I tried a whole bunch of new things and tried to meet new people. Some things, like yoga really stuck and allowed me to gain a whole new side of myself. Other things, like unicycling, did not. LOL

It's going to be trial and error, by definition. That might sound scary, but it's actually rather fun. Or it can be both, simultaneously. 

[SwimDeep]

I've been thinking about this a lot because it's something I've been struggling with as I try to become less codependent. I love to try new things (it's one thing I know about myself with certainty, lol).

But when I try something that I don't like, it's hard for me to be honest about it. It's hard, but I think finding identity involves figuring out what you don't like as much as it involves figuring out what you do like.

I'm learning (through therapy) that the pressure I feel to like/enjoy everything (no matter what) has a lot to do with the way I grew up. Right now, I'm trying to get into the habit of pausing before saying "Yes" and asking myself "Am I doing this because I want to? Or am I doing it because I feel like I have to?" (The problem is, I've been so well trained that I tend to genuinely feel like I want to do things that I don't really want to do...I'm very confused.)