How do you work time out or other discipline?

[shananagins]

My girls are wearing me out. 
They are completely joined at the hip and won't be separated even for time out. So now if J hits C and steals her toy C will start screaming that H hit her and I'll grab J and take her the the corner we use for time out. C follows and jammers and talks to J the whole time I'm trying to keep J in time out. Neither one listens to me and all is chaos until I release J. Then they go play together for .3 seconds before one hits/ pushes/ pinches/ pulls hair and we go through the whole thing again. 

I'm losing my mind. someone tell me a better way to do this. 

[Deleted]

Hmm, my kids are a bit younger I think so take this for what its worth but we don't really do time out. We practice positive discipline so for hitting, pinching etc we tell J gentle hands and redirect. We also give choices for everything to the point where it is honestly ridiculous sometimes but it works. So in that instance i would probably say somethibg like "we use gentle hands, hitting isnt a choice, you can play xyz nicely with your sister or you can play this by yourself" if he continued to hit etc I would say again, that's not a choice, we use gentle hands and redirect to a different toy reiterating his two choices of play nicely or play by himself. If the root of the problem is wanting to take the others toy then we explain waitinf your turn until the other is finished with it and redirect to another toy.

The couple of times where his behavior has been to the point where that doesn't work and he really needs a "time out" to get control I take him to "time out" where I sit with him on the floor for a couple of minutes and explain Why xyz isn't ok and that I'm going to give him a minute to get control of his emotions etc because if it gets to that point he would be screaming and crying and angry. Then again offer him two choices for what he can do.

It can be exhausting but we find it more effective than sending him to time out.

[origami]

I think this might work itself out as your kids get older and want their own space. But in the meantime if I were in your shoes I'd schedule some independent-time playing in separate areas as part of your daily routine. At least one area that has a gate or door so they can't just go back together the second you turn around. You could start with a short time increment and build as they get used to it. If they hate it then I'd use it as a threat in your bag of disciplinary options. "Do you need to be separated for 15 min? No? Then stop fighting." I will also admit to unseeing a lot of fights at home in order not to be refereeing all day. But my DS2 smacked a baby on the head at a playground today so maybe don't take that advice.

I do time outs in their bedroom, usually, because it goes better when the offender gets sent out of the room. That probably doesn't help you though.

[cinnamoncox]

I am not sure how old yours are, but when mine argue or fight now, we just say ok if you can't play nicely together let's separate for awhile and they don't want to be apart, so they stop fighting (for a short time anyway).

When they were younger we had a pack and play set up in the main living area for when one was being too rough with the other and we needed to separate.

We did/do time outs with one min per year of age.

They are four if it matters.

They don't like being apart so using the I will have to separate you has been working semi well lately (fingers crossed).

[josieposy]

I send the troublemaker to their room until they chill out. It never takes more than 5-10 min. I tell them when they calm down they can come out.

[fryjack2]

No advice because mine have started doing something like this too. Why do you want to go hang out in the corner with someone who just hit you/pulled your hair/pushed you?!

Just wanted to tell you that you aren't alone in your insanity

[loremipsum]

Aug 23, 2014 14:16:14 GMT -5 fryjack2 said:

No advice because mine have started doing something like this too. Why do you want to go hang out in the corner with someone who just hit you/pulled your hair/pushed you?!

Just wanted to tell you that you aren't alone in your insanity

This. It makes no sense but mine do it too.

It's always been frustrating, but it got REALLY bad at the start of this year when they were a bit over 3.5yo - I have no idea what changed, but the fighting dial was cranked up to 11 and has stayed there since.

My boys have always been extremely single minded, and redirection has never worked well. They also don't give a shit about timeouts - they find them funny. The only way I've been able to handle this situation (starting at about 2.5yo like your kids, and still going now at 4.5yo) is enforced physical separation. At 2.5 that meant sitting on the floor and keeping them on separate sides of the room - now it means sitting in the hallway and keeping them in their respective bedrooms (if I'm not there, they'll sneak into each other's rooms and start shit again).

If there's a magical method I don't know about, I would sincerely love to learn, because it's my biggest source of frustration!

[fryjack2]

I'm laughing so hard right now @shananigins.

I came into this thread to see what advice people have posted because I am having a hard time with the boys. Then I saw that I POSTED in here 2 months ago! I don't remember doing so, and my boys are just as crazy.

I started a sticker chart yesterday. It has somewhat helped for certain things-no kicking with diaper changes, putting clothes on,no throwing food at meal times. Its only been 24 hours though, so I'm cautiously optimistic.

I also have been trying to do more positive reinforcement but I find that so hard to do with 2 very energetic boys who are fighting over the same damn toy when we have duplicates of everything, not staying in the time out spot, and fighting every little thing even with choices.

[macchiatto]

At that age I would try to distract and interact with the one who wasn't in TO, and I reminded them "We don't talk to people who are in TO." If that kid was really persistent, they got their own TO in a separate spot. That didn't happen often though; they caught on.